BL 

2727 
.M57 
1879 


m^ 


BL  2727  .M57  1879 
Mistakes  of  Ingersoll 


MISTAKES     '"" 


INGERSOLL 


AS    SHOWN    BY 


I  Rev.  W.  F.  Crafts,  Bishop  Charles   E.  Cheney,  Chaplain  C.  C. 

I  McCabe,  D.D.,  Arthur  Swazey,  D.D.,  Robert  Collyer,  D.D., 

Fred.  Perry  Powers,  and  Others. 


INCLUDING  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURE 


SKULLS,  AND  HIS  ANSWER 


Prof.  Swing,  Dr.  Ryder,  Dr.  Herford,  Dr.  Collyer, 
Dr.  Thomas,  Dr.  Kohler,  and  Other  Critics. 


EDITED    BY 


CHICAGO: 

RHODES   &   McCLURE,    PUBLISHERS. 

1879. 


2372 


Nut  Scitislied  with  his  receut  parade  of  the  "Mistakes  of 
Moses  "  before  the  Chicago  pubhc  (which  called  forth  our 
fir.-^t  book,  entitled  the  "  Mistakes  of  Ingersoll,  as  Shown  By 
Prof.  Swing  and  Others"),  Mr.  I.  has  since  returned  and 
delivered  another  lecture  against  the  Bible  and  against  his 
critics,  Prof.  Swing,  Dr.  Kyder,  Dr.  Herford  and  Dr. 
Collyer.  These  last  efforts  of  Mr.  Ingersoll  have  called  forth 
the  ])resent  volume,  in  which  will  be  found  additional 
"Mistakes,"  as  shown  by  Rev.  W.  F.  Crafts,  who  is  the 
well-known  successor  of  Dr.  Tiffany  in  Trinity  Methodist 
Episcopal  Church;  by  Chaplain  C.  C.  McCabe,  Bishop 
Cheney,  Arthur  Swazey,  D.D.,  Robert  Collyer,  D.D.,  whose 
names  are  all  familar  to  the  public;  and  by  Fred  Perry 
Powers,  who  is  favorably  identified  with  Chicago  journalism. 
Tlie  "commendable  fairness,"  mentioned  by  the  press,  in 
printing  both  the  "  text  and  replies  "  in  the  former  volume, 
requires  in  this  instance,  also  the  text,  which  is  given  at  the 
close  and  which  includes  Mr.  IngersolPs  replies  to  Prof. 
Swing,  Dr.  Ryder,  Brooke  Herford  and  others. 

J.  B.  McCLURE. 

Chicago,  May  IT,  1879. 


Entered  according  to  Act  ( f  Congress,  in  the  year  1879,  by  J.  B.  McClube  &  R.  S. 
Rhcdes,  in  the  Office  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress,  at  Washington,  D.  C. 


Ottawa  Y  &  Company,  Donohue  &  Henneberbt, 

Printers.  Binders. 


W.  F.  Crafts'  Reply  ...... 

Ingersollism  Outlined— -  Ten  Points"  instead  of  "  Five  "—Infi- 
del Protoplasm  ••.... 

First  Point  in  the  Ten— Sepulchral  Hoots  of  the  Ingersoll  Owl— 

A  Theological  Rip  Van  Winkle 
Ingersoll  Mistakes  a  Part  for  the  Whole— Gross  Misrepresenta- 
tions ••.... 

The  Great  Ingersoll  Boomerang— How  it  Works— Further  Mis- 
representations Examined        ..... 

Misrepresenting  Bible  Passages        ..... 

Sun  and  Moon  Standing  Still      . 

Hell 

The  Present  vs.  the  Future 
Ingersoll's  Plorrible  Estimate  of  Truth 
The  Bible  the  Best  of  Books,  and  Christ  the  Best  of  Men 
Something  New  if  True— Infidelity  the  Essential  Factor  in  Pro- 
gressive  Civilization— But  Coleridge,  Wm.  H.   Seward,   Bis- 
marck, and  other  Great  Statesman  can  not  see  it— Civilization 
goes,  onlj  with  Christianity 
Marvelous  Power  of  Time  and  Circumstance— Tragic  Efi*ect  of 
Iso-thermal    Lines— Peoria    Mud    Necessarily    the    Seventh 
Heaven  as  Ingersf)ll  Sees  it        . 
Law  is  Ingersoll's  God  ..... 

Liberty  and  Infidelity— What  De  Tocqueville  Says  About  it 
Woman- Ingersoll's  Theory  at  Variance  with  Facts 
Ingersoll's  Theory  of  Childhood— Some  of  His  Little  Stories— 
The  Whole  Subject  Carefully  Examined— Significant  Incident 
in  the  Life  of  Abraham  Lincoln  .... 

Ingersoll  Says  Christianity  Fetters  Thought— The  Bible  and  a 

Host  of  Distinguished  Men  Say  Otherwise 
A  Cloud  of  Witnesses  ..... 

Jesus  Christ  ..... 

Amazing  Ignorance  of  Infidels  Concerning  the  Scriptures- 
Hume's  Ignorance  of  the  New  Testament— Tom  Paine  With- 
out a  Bible 

3 


AiAE,. 

7 


10 


12 

13 

14 
15 
16 
17 
19 
20 


31 


24 
26 
26 

27 


28 

32 
34 
37 


38 


4  CONTENTS. 

Distributed  Ignorance  ;ind  Concentrated  Hatred— Probable  Cause 

of  Ingersoirs  Infidelity  .  .  •  •  •  ^^ 

The  Truth  of  the  Whole  Matter       .  ■  •  •  •        40 

Chaplains  McCabe's  Reply  .  •  •  •  .43 

The  Famous  Chaplain  Has  a  Remarkable  Dream— He  Sees  ihe 
Great  City  of  Ingersollville -Which  Ingersoll  and  the  Infidel 
Host  Enter— And  are  Shut  in  for  Six  Months— Remarkable 
Condition  of  Things  Outside  and  Inside- Happiness  and 
Misery— Ingersoll  Finally  Petitions  for  a  Church  and  sends 
for  a  Lot  of  Preachers  .  .  .  .  •  43 

Dr.  Swazey's  Reply  ....••  49 

Momentary  View  of  Col.  Ingersoll  Through  the  Doctor's  Glass— 
The   Bible  on   the   Meridian— What  the  Doctor  Sees  in  the 

Great  Book 49 

Occultation    of    Ingersoll's   Good   Sense— General    Survey    of 

Deities— Scope  of  Divine  Revelation  ...  51 

The  Great  Central  Figure— Absolute  Unity  of  the  Bible  System       53 
The  Bible  Law  of  Development  vs.  Infidel  Philosophy  .  54 

Common  Sense  View  of  the  Subject— How  it  Eliminates  Polyg- 
amy, Slavery,  Etc.  ....••  56 
More  Common  Sense— The  Great  Ingersoll   Orb  Approaching 
the  Nihilistic  Belt— Nebulae        .....        58 

Dk.  CollyePv's  Reply         ......  ^^ 

Dr.  Collyer  Relates  a  Little  Story— A  Book  that  Cost  Mr.  Inger- 
soll the  Governorship  of  Illinois— The  Volume  Philosophically 
Considered— Heavy  Blows  .  .  •  •  •        63 

Sparks  Flying  in  all  Directions— Singular  Mental  Phenomenon 
Occasioned  by  $25,000  a  Year  ....  64 

The  Clear  Ring  of  Truth  vc.  the  Dull  Thud  of  the  Baser  Metal- 
Potency  of  Simple  Statement— The  Doctor's  Objections  to 
Ingersoll's  Talk  ..... 

Putting  the  Fine  Edge  on  Orthodoxy— Taking  a  Weld  with  Prof. 
Swing  and  Dr.  Thomas— Borax  and  Bigotry 

A  Touching  Illustration— Eloquence  and  Truth -Havelock's 
Saints  ...••••• 

Atheism— Not  an  Institution  but  a  "  Destitution !  "—The  True 

Life ^4 

Fred.  Perry  Powers'  Reply      ....      '«'5 

The  Sinaitic  Code— Solvent  Powers  of  th  •  Historic  Method- 
Graphic  Illustration  of  the  Two  Schools  ...         75 


CONTENTS.  i 

Divine  Adjustment  of  the  ^Moral  Law — Progressive  Elimination 

of  Polygamy,  Slavery,  Etc. — Mount  Sinai  and  Mount  Calvaiy  78 

Purpose  and  Potency  of  the  Mosaic  Law  ...  80 
Excessive    Wickedness   and    Proportionate    Punishment — The 

Court  of  Ilcaven  vs.  the  Court  of  Earth  .  .  .82 

Able  Bodied  Mendacity  and  Civilization — Love  and  Obedience  84 

Mr.  Powers'  Pun<jent  Peroration            .            .            .            .  S^ 

Bishop  Cheney's  Reply         .  .  .  .  .  .89 

How  the  Question  of  Forgery  Applies  to  the  Five  Books  of 

Moses      ........  89 

The  "Common  Ground"  of  the  Contending  Parties — Logical 

Position  of  Ezra      .  .  .  .  .  .  .91 

The  Bishop  Planting  Signals  on  tlie  Mountain  Tops  of  History — 

Survey  of  the  New  Moses  Air  Line    ....  92 

Termination  of  the  Great  Air  Line  .  .  .  .95 

Genealogical  Reflections,  .....  96 

Cutting  the  Gordian  Knot      .  .  .  .  .  .97 

The  Bishop's  Challenge  —  Moses  and  Ingersoll  as  Chronologists  99 
Mud  Calendars  vs.  Facts  —  Some  Sad  and  Sorrowful  Scientific 

Figuring  in  the  Sand    ......  101 

A  Mistake  of  Ingersoll,  Tom  Paine  &  Co.  Corrected — Conclusion     103 

Ingersoll's  Lecture  on  Skulls  and  his  Replies  to  Prof.  Swing, 
Dr.  Ryder,  Dr.  Herford,  Dr.  Collyer,  and  Other  Critics,    .  .     107 


^  I^S-^^ 


Mistakes  of  Ingersoll 


AS  SHOWN  liY 


W.  F.  CRAFTS, 
CHAPLAIN  McCABE, 
ARTHUR  SWAZEY,  D.  D. 


ROBERT  COLLYER,  D.  D. 
F.  P.  POWERS, 
BISHOP  CHENEY, 

And  others. 


ALSO  INCLUDING 


Ingeksoll's  Lecture  in  full  on  "  Skulls,"  and  his  re- 
plies TO  Prof.  Swing,  W.  H.  Ryder.  Brooke 

HeRFORD.  and    OTnER    rRTTICS. 


^¥.   E.  CRAFTS^  KEPL.Y, 


Ingersollism  Outlined — "Ten   Points"   instead    of  "Five" — Infidel 

Protoplasm. 

'^  I  WAR  with  principles,  not  with  men  " — the  motto  of 
Webster  in  political  debates — should  be  the  law  in  all  con- 
flicts of  ideas,  especially  in  the  realm  of  religion.  It  is 
not  of  the  person,  Mr.  Ingersoll,  that  I  speak,  but  i-ather 
of  the  principles  of  which  he  is  the  most  popular  spokes- 
man, and  which  make  u]^  that  shallowest,  but  loudest 
Jericho  book  of  infidelity's  bitter  waters  wdiicli  begins  in 
a  few  tears  of  pretended  martyrdom  to  love  of  truth ;  spat- 
ters the  mud  of  epithets  upon  Christi.ins,  while  condemn- 
ing that  very  vice  in  a  part  of  the  Church  in  less  advanced 


8  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

ages;  babbles  shallowly  along  its  little  channel  about  law 
as  an  almighty  executive,  as  if  the  rails  that  give  direction 
to  a  train  took  the  place  of  the  engine  that  draws  it;  winds 
very  crookedly  through  the  Old  Testament,  avoiding  every 
passage  except  those  few  that  can  be  used  for  ridicule; 
plows  still  more  crookedly  through  church  history,  shun- 
nmo-  every  part  except  the  unchristian  swamps  of  bigotry 
and  superstition;  keeps  up  the  same  snaky  crookedness  in 
its  passage  through  religion  of  to-day,  hurrying  noisily 
among  only  the  few  rocky  and  marshy  places,  where  it  can 
find  the  reptiles  of  superstition  and  error;  passes  with  great 
dash  of  spray  along  the  audacious  theory  that  Christian 
civilization  is  the  result  of  anti-Christian  forces;  plunges 
with  loud  roar  of  waters  down  its  claim  that  infidelity  is 
the  only  liberator  of  man,  woman,  and  child;  and  still  fiow- 
ino-  within  its  narrow  little  channel  babbles  of  itself  as  an 
emancipated  ocean  of  untrammeled  thought. 

These  characteristics  of  the  brook  are  the  ten  points  of 
Ingersollism.  I  have  read  and  re-read,  carefully,  the  nine 
published  lectures  of  Mr.  Ingersoli  on  religious  themes, 
besides  hearing  the  one  entitled  '•  Skulls,"  and  every  one  of 
them  has  something  on  each  of  these  ten  points  of  his  fixed 
and  unchanging  creed,  and  not  one  or  all  has  anything 
beyond  these  ten  "  doctrines  " — for  he  often  uses  the  words, 
"  That  is  my  doctrine.-'  While  attacking  creeds  of  the 
Church  he  holds  and  urges  all  to  believe  his  own  unformu- 
lated but  distinct  creed,  offering  in  place  of  the  '*  five  points 
of  Calvinism  "  the  ten  points  of  Ingersollism,  the  l.-itter 
occurring  as  regularly  in  every  one  of  his  lectures  in  this 
age  as  the  former  did  a  century  ago  in  the  sermons  of  Cal- 
vinists,  which  he  ridicules  for  their  sameness. 

What  is  this  frightful  monster  that  we  call  "  a  creed?" 
Sim])ly  a  statement  of  what  one  believes.  Every  man, 
unless   he    is    an  idiot,    has    a   creed  in    which  he  agrees 


W.  F.  CRAFTS'  HE  PLY.  9 

with  somebody.  Tlie  only  question  is  to  find  by  "  reason, 
observation,  and  experience,"  which  is  the  best.  It 
would  hardly  be  considered  bigotry  for  a  scientist  to 
believe  a  few  things  as  a  cree<l  of  fixed  scientific  truths 
which  no  progress  can  ever  erase,  for  instance,  the  rotund- 
ity and  revolution  of  the  earth,  the  attraction  of  the 
planets  upon  each  other,  and  scores  of  other  things  which 
every  scientist  has  held  for  many  years  unchanged,  and  is 
sure  are  unchangeable  because  proved  conclusively.  There 
are  some  certainties  in  the  science  of  relio^ion,  such  as  are 
referred  to  in  the  Apostles'  Creed,  which  may,  witliout  any 
greater  bigotry,  be  considered  as  proved  and  established. 
The  Christian  Church  of  to-day  does  not  generally  insist 
upon  anything  further  than  these  few  concrete  facts  of  the 
Apostles'  Creed  "  as  essentials  "  in  Christian  belief  When 
Evangelical  churches  shout  their  watchword,  "  In  essentials, 
unity;  in  non-essentials,  liberty;  in  all  things,  charity,"  it  is 
as  if  a  company  of  scientists  should  say,  "  On  proved  facts 
we  will  all  agree,  but  in  the  realms  of  hypothesis  and 
opinion,  we  will  agree  to  disagree." 

But  the  special  point  we  wish  to  notice  is,  that  Mr. 
Ingersoll  attacks  creed  with  creed.  He  is  as  bigoted  a  par- 
tisan of  his  own  creed  as  ever  called  hard  names.  The  very 
heart  of  his  creed  seems  to  be  the  belief  that  his  mission  is 
to  destroy  the  creed  of  everj^body  else. 

It  is  a  suggestive  fact  that  the  naturally-gifted  mind  of 
Mr.  Ingersoll,  who  declares  that  godless  and  soulless  mate- 
rialism is  the  emancipator  and  inspirer  of  thought,  should 
be  able,  in  all  the  years  which  these  ten  lectures  represent, 
to  produce  but  ten  ideas,  the  same  ten  ideas  which  made 
u])  his  earliest  lecture,  years  ago,  appearing  successively  in 
each  of  the  succeeding  lectures,  including  that  of  to-day, 
there  being  no  change  save  in  the  cap  and  bells  of  his 
jokes.     Heading  these  ten  ideas  over  and  over  for  as  many 


10  MISTAKES  OF  INGEESOLL. 

hours  in  going  through  these  lectures,  brought  back  a 
ludicrous  scene  in  our  college  burial  of  mathematics  when 
fifteen  notes  of  Plejel's  hymn  were  played  dolefully  over 
and  over  again  for  nearly  an  hour,  as  marching  music. 

In  reading  these  lectures,  which  are  but  ten  combinations 
and  permutations  of  ten  ideas,  one  is  reminded  also  of  the 
lecturer's  own  illustration  of  the  boarding  house  keeper, 
who,  for  years,  had  no  chancre  of  diet  from  hash,  for  every 
lecture  is  the  same  hash  of  ten  ideas,  changed  only  in 
the  name  and  in  the  order  of  putting  in  the  ten  elements. 

ARTICLE  I. 

First  Point  in  the  Ten — Sepulchral  Hoots  of  the  Ingersoll  Owl — 
A  Theological  Rip  Van  Winkle. 

As  in  the  beet  hash  of  New  England  the  blood  red  beet 
predominates  and  gives  color  to  the  whole,  so  the  principal 
element  in  these  lectures  against  Christianity  is  the  blood 
of  past  persecutions  by  a  corrupt  part  of  the  Church,  for 
which  true  Christianity  has  no  more  responsibility  than  a 
loyal  colonel  in  our  war  of  1TT6,  or  1861,  for  the  robberies 
and  crimes  of  camp-followers  or  traitors.  In  every  published 
lecture  on  religion,  Mr.  Ingersoll  deliberately  cites  the  acts 
of  the  Benedict  Arnolds  of  the  Christian  army  as  repre- 
senting the  Washino'tons  and  Grants.  He  describes  past 
counterfeits  of  religion  as  specimens  of  its  accepted  cur- 
rency. It  is  as  if  one  should  attack  present  astronomers  by 
relating  ridiculous  stories  of  the  old  astrologers,  or  assail 
present  physicians  by  quoting  the  strange  practices  of  the 
ancient  alchemists. 

In  one  lecture — a  fair  representative  of  all  in  this  respect 
— I  found  that  in  forty-three  pages  only  two  did  not  con- 
tain these  stale  references  to  past  persecutions,  except  a  few 
pages  given  to  the  trial  of  Professor  Swing,  which  were 
e(|ually  stale  as    assailing  chiefly  abandoned    features    of 


W.  F.  CRAFTS'  REPLY.  11 

human  Calvinism.  Past  errors  and  follies  of  the  human 
Calvinism,  human  Catholicism,  and  heathen  religions  are 
constantly  spoken  of  as  if  vital  elements  of  Christianity. 

Mr.  Ingersoll  ought  to  have  a  hymn  to  sing  at  the  open- 
ing and  close  of  his  lectures,  made  on  the  pattern  of  that 
one  whose  first  verse  is: 

Go  on,  go  on,  go  on,  go  on, 

Go  on,  go  on,  go  on, 
Go  on,  go  on,  go  on,  go  on, 

Go  on,  go  on,  go  on, 

v^ith  forty-two  verses  more  of  the  same,  substituting  "  past 
persecutions,"  instead  of  "  go  on,"  which  is  too  ])rogrcssive 
for  a  ''  go-back  "  lecture. 

Mr.  Ingersoll  is  a  Rip  Yan  Winkle  in  theology,  who 
seems  to  have  slept  ever  since  the  days  of  persecution. 
He  is  a  Sancho  Panza  who  assails  imaginary  foes  of  his  own 
making,  and  thinks  lie  has  captured  the  golden  helmet  of 
Christianity  when  he  has  only  secured  the  abandoned  brass 
kettle  of  old  traditions  and  discarded  superstitions.  lie  is 
a  FalstafF  killing  the  dead  Percy  of  past  follies.  His  lectures 
bustle  with  the  antiquated  and  misused  words  "priests,"* 
"  dark  ages,"  "  witches,"  '*  fagots,"  "  religious  wars,"  '"  church 
fathers,"  "  damned  infants,"  "  martyrs,"  ''  gods,"  etc.,  as 
if  he  were  speaking  in  a  heathen  land,  and  also  in  some 
dead  century.  And  he  uses  the  past  tense  so  exclusively 
in  his  "  progressive "  lectures  that  one  would  suppose 
English  as  well  as  Hebrew  had  no  present  tense.  It 
must  have  been  Mr.  Ingersoll,  in  his  boyhood,  that  came 
from  his  first  hunt  crying,  "I've  shot  a  cherub," 
havinir  mistaken  an  owl  for  a  cherub,  because  of  the 
wretched  pictures  of  the  latter  on  the  old  grave  stones. 
Mr.  Ingersoll  logically  destroys  some  Church  owl  of  the 
dark  ages,  and  because  it  corres]^onds  with  his  own  carica- 
ture of  the  Church  thinks  hp-  has  dethroned   Christianity 


13  MISTAKES  OF  TNGEESOLL. 

itself.  Like  Poe's  "  raven  "  who  had  but  one  word,  "  Never- 
more," Mr.  Ingersoll  is  continually  crying  in  the  ears  of 
the  present  that  worn-out  strain  about  abuses  which  we  all 
condemn,  ''  Galileo-Servetus,  Galileo-Servetus.'' 

This  ten-idea  champion  of  popular  materialism,  while 
talking  of  progress  and  condemning  those  who  hold  fast  to 
thinfirs  of  the  part,  is  nevertheless  so  largely  devoted  to 
showing  his  carefully  preserved  martyr-mummies  from  the 
long-past  ages  of  persecution,  that  we  find  Mark  Twain's 
question  constantly  arising  at  each  new  charge  against 
Christianity:  "Is  he — is  he  dead?"  and  we  are  also 
tempted  to  cry  out  for  a  "fresh  corpse"  in  place  of 
these  very  dry  and  dead  mummies  of  past  abuses.  To 
paraphrase  the  lecturer's  own  words,  we  want  one  pres- 
ent fact.  We  pass  our  hats  through  the  lectures  in  vain 
for  some  present  facts  against  pure  Christianity,  which  he 
assumes  to  assail  and  overthrow.  There  is  far  more  excuse 
for  Thomas  Paine,  in  an  age  when  the  old  Calvinistic  errors 
were  largely  held,  and  for  Yoltaire,  surrounded  by  the 
superstitions  of  Romanism,  misunderstanding  Christianity, 
than  for  this  modern  lecturer,  who  very  well  knows  that 
the  caricatures  which  he  represents  as  Christianity  are 
very  old  pictures  of  its  ancient  camp-followers. 

ARTICLE  II. 

Ingersoll  Mistakes  a  Part  for  the  Whole — Gross  Misrepresen- 
tations. 

Article  Second  of  Ingersollism,  like  unto  the  first,  but 
with  present  instead  of  past  tense,  is  about  as  follows: 
Christianity  to-day  is  proved  to  be  false  by  the  present 
errors  and  abuses  that  are  found  in  some  of   the  churches. 

Pomish  superstitions  and  the  errors  of  those  who  have 
grossly  misinterpreted  the  Bible  as  a  support  of  slavery, 
polygamy,  etc.,  are  continually  used  by  this  champion  of 


W.  F.  CRAFTS'  REPLY.  13 

<'  liberty  of  thought,"  and  '-  charity  ''  and  ''  brotherhood," 
as  representing  true  Christianity  to-day,  which  is  quite  as 
honorable  as  if  a  man  should  attack  the  principles  of  med- 
icine by  citing  the  tricks  of  quacks.  An  examination  of 
the  hull  of  the  Great  Eastern  found  adhering  to  the  iron- 
plates  of  the  bottom  an  enormous  multitude  of  mussels, 
whose  weight  is  estimated  at  three  hundred  tons.  The 
great  ship  has  been  carrying  on  her  hull  a  burden  equal  to 
full  cargoes  for  six  or  eight  sailing  ships. 

Suppose  I  should  show  you  a  few  of  those  barnacles  as 
specimens  of  what  the  Great  Eastern  is  made  of,  and  then 
denounce  its  builders  as  fools?  Mr.  Ingersoll  is  constantly 
confounding  barnacles  of  some  ''  church  "  with  Christian- 
ity. Suppose  I  should  take  the  belts  and  whips  of  torture 
that  are  used  by  Romanists  in  Mexico  and  show  them  in 
lectures  as  specimens  of  the  barbarism  of  Congregational- 
ists  and  Methodists?  It  is  certainly  most  palpable  unfair- 
ness for  Mr.  Ingersoll  to  use  the  word  "gods''  indiscrimi- 
nately of  heathen  and  Christian  objects  of  worship,  and  to 
employ  the  words,  "  The  Church,"  as  if  there  were  no  false 
or  true,  past  or  present  in  connection  with  it,  and  as  if  its 
meaning  were  as  much  a  unit  as  "  The  Moon."  So  also  he 
unfairly  classes  all  ministers  as  "priests."  It  would  be 
quite  as  fair  to  speak  of  all  "  medicine  men,"  past  and 
present,  savage  and  civilized,  under  the  words,  "  The 
Doctors." 

ARTICLE  III. 

The  Great  Ingersoll  Boomerang — How  it  Works — Further  Mis- 
representations  Carefully  Examined. 

Far  less  prominent,  but  ever  present,  is  the  third  element 
in  IngersoUism — an  oft-recurring  moan — "  Intidels  to-day 
are  martyrs  at  whom  men  cast  epithets,  but  not  ballots." 

The  defeated  infidel  politician  appears  as   regulaiiy  and 


14  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

revengefully  in  every  lecture  (indirectly,  of  course)  as  the 
misanthropic  Byron  shows  himself  in  each  of  his  poems  as 
tlie  real  hero  under  the  various  names  of  "  Childe  Harold  "* 
"Don  Juan,-'  "Corsair,''  etc.  lie  who  cries  out  against 
the  past  for  calling  infidels  by  hard  names  hurls  in  the 
more  kindly  present  more  anathemas  than  any  other  Pope. 

"  You  are  an  infidel." 

"You're  a  bigot!  Arn't  you  ashamed  to  be  calling 
names,  you  old  hypocrite?" 

In  this  debate  of  Mr.  Ingersoll's  bigotry  with  the  big- 
otry of  the  past,  a  printer  might  fitly  misprint  the  "pros 
and  cons,"  "  pigs  and  cows."  It  is  like  the  English  lady 
who  criticised  an  American  friend  for  saying,  at  a  mistake 
in  croquet,  "What  a  horrid  scratch,"  and  when  asked 
what  would  have  been  better,  replied,  "  You  might  have 
said,  'What  a  beastly  fluke.'"  It  is  not  strange  that  the 
people  will  not  elect  to  represent  them  in  politics,  one  who 
so  audaciously  inisrepresents  them,  as  does  Mr.  Ingersoll 
in  nearly  every  attempt  to  declare  the  belief  of  Christians. 

Misrepresenting  Bible  Passages. 

Dr.  Kyder,  Prof.  Swing,  and  Dr.  Ilerford,  have  abund- 
antly shown  his  numerous  and  inexcusable  misrepresenta- 
tions of  Bible  passages,  to  which  may  be  added  another 
more  atrocious,  if  possible,  the  implication  that  the  perse- 
cutions of  Saul  of  Tarsus,  and  the  adulteries  of  Solomon, 
are  a  part  of  the  Christian  system,  and  also  that  Jephthah 
really  killed  his  daughter  as  a  sacrifice,  which  the  Bible 
does  not  declare,  nor  any  Christian  believe,  and  the  mis- 
interpretation of  the  passage  about  women  keeping  silence 
in  the  churches,  which  the  Christian  Church  of  to-day  con- 
siders of  only  temporary  force,  a  command  to  Corinth,  and 
not  to  Christendom,  no  more  binding  upon  us  than  Paul's 
re.|uest  that  Timothy  should  bring  his  cloak  that  was  left 


W.  F.  CRAFTS'  REPLY.  15 

at  Troas.  It  is  a  kindred  misrepresentation  to  say  the 
assertion  that  those  who  tortured  the  martyrs  were  the 
same  ones  who  made  the  Bible — an  assertion  which  his- 
tory clearly  refutes,  as  the  Old  Testament  was  ar- 
ranged in  its  present  form  388  B.  C,  and  the  Xew 
Testament  was  collected  as  it  is  at  ])resent  before  tlie  days 
of  persecution  by  the  church  began. 

It  is  also  a  misrej)resentation,  not  only  of  the  Bible,  out 
of  the  common  principles  of  interpretation  in  every 
department  of  literature,  to  intimate  that  an  explanation 
of  passages  as  poetic  and  figurative,  is  unfair  and  begging 
the  question.  Suppose  we  sliould  put  a  literal  interpreta- 
tion upon  the  tropical  figures  of  Mr.  IngersolFs  eloquence, 
and  when  he  speaks  of  the  sun's  rays  "  as  arrows  from  the 
quiver  of  the  sun,"  declare  him  an  ignorant  idolator,  who 
thinks  the  sun  an  intelligent  being  who  has  caught  the 
passion  for  archery. 

Sun  and  Moon  Standing  Still. 

It  is  equally  absurd  for  him  to  interpret  the  poem  about 
the  sun  and  moon  standing  still  by  the  rules  of  prose.  Mr. 
Ingersoll  also  says,  poetically:  "Think  of  that  wonderful 
chemistry  by  which  bread  was  changed  into  the  divine 
tragedy  of  Hamlet."  Suppose  we  should  interpret  that 
sentence  as  fact  rather  than  figure,  and  say  that  Mr.  Inger- 
soll believes  that  by  the  combination  of  certain  liquids  and 
solids  in  the  chemist's  retort  this  marvelous  literary  pro- 
duction was  created !  It  would  be  quite  as  reasonable  as 
to  insist  upon  absolute  literalness  in  the  bold  figures  of 
Oriental  eloquence  and  poetry. 

Mr.  Ingersoll  also  misrepresents  the  Christian's  Sunday 
in  the  home,  speaking  of  it  as  ''a  day  too  good  for  a  child 
to  be  hapjjy  in,"  saying:  "  The  idea,  that  any  God  would 
hate  to  hear  a  child  laugh."     We  all  know  (?)  that   in   the 


16  MISTAKES  OF  INQERSOLL. 

Christian  homes  of  to-day  the  smiles  and  laughter  of 
childhood  are  strictly  forbidden,  and  any  one  who  smiles  in 
church  is  carried  out  by  the  police  (?). 

Hell. 

Especially  does  Mr.  Ingersoll  continually  and  grossly 
misrepresent  Christianity  in  regard  to  the  conditions  by 
which  men  are  believed  to  bring  themselves  to  Hell.  Hear 
him:  "  It  is  infinitely  absurd  to  suppose  that  a  God  would 
address  a  communication  to  intelligent  beings,  and  yet 
make  it  a  crime,  to  be  punished  in  eternal  flames,  for  them 
to  use  their  intelligence  for  the  purpose  of  understanding 
His  communication,  l^either  can  they  show  why  any  one 
should  be  punished,  either  in  this  world  or  another,  for 
acting  honestly  in  accordance  with  reason;  and  yet  a  doc- 
trine with  every  possible  argument  against  it  has  been, 
and  still  is,  believed  and  defended  by  the  entire  orthodox 
world.  If  I  should  say  ninety -nine  in  a  hundred  go  down 
to  Hell,  I  should  have  the  support  of  the  entire  orthodox 
world.  You  can  see  for  yourselves  the  justice  of  damn- 
ing a  man  if  his  parents  happened  to  baptize  him  in  the 
wrong  way.  Think  of  a  God  who  w^ill  damn  his  children 
for  the  expression  of  an  honest  thought!" 

Few,  if  any,  intelligent  Christians  teach  that  a  man  must 
accept  their  denominational  creed  in  all  its  details  in  order 
to  be  saved,  as  the  careless  critics  of  Christianity  so  often 
assert,  but  rather  all  evangelical  Christians  repeat  the  Xew 
Testament  conditions  of  salvation,  "  Believe  on  the  Lord 
Jesus  Christ  and  thou  shalt  be  saved,"  and  declare  nega- 
tively, not  as  has  been  said  by  Mr.  Ingersoll,  said  by 
infidels,  that  all  who  do  not  believe  will  not  be  saved,  but 
rather  in  the  words  of  Martin  Luther,  "  Ko  man  shall  die 
in  his  sins,  except  him  who,  through  disbelief,  thrusts  from 
him  the  forgiveness  of  sin,  which  in  tlie  name  of  Jesus    is 


W.  F.  C  HAFTS'  HE  PLY.  17 

offered  him."  It  is  the  firm  of  Ignorance  and  Bigotry  that 
declare  that  evangehcal  Christianity  teaches  that  a  man  can 
not  be  saved  who  docs  not  believe  in  its  statement  of  the 
Trinity  and  its  interpretations  of  the  Bible. 

He  also  utterly  misrepresents  tlie  Cliristian  conception 
of  saving  faith  as  ignoring  reason  and  ;u.'lion,  both  of  which 
it  includes,  and  as  resting  chiefly  on  a  book  or  a  creed  as 
its  end,  rather  than  on  the  person,  Christ.  Every  church 
teaches  that  intelligent  faitli  and  faithfulness  toward  Christ 
(not  creeds  in  detail)  is  the  condition  of  salvation.  "Faith," 
says  Bishop  "Wightman,  "believes  on  competent  testi- 
mony what  it  could  not  otherwise  know."  Or,  as  Dr. 
Arnold  says:  "  Faith  is  reason  leaning  on  God."  Keason 
is  the  foundation  of  belief. 

The  Present  vs.  the  Future. 

Another  of  the  almost  countless  misrepresentations  of 
religion  by  Mr.  Ingersoll,  is  the  frequent  statement  that 
Christianity  is  wholly  devoted  to  the  future,  and  ignores  man's 
present  needs,  which  reminds  us  that  it  was  Thomas  Paine 
(?)  and  not  the  Bible  that  said,  "Pure  religion  and  unde- 
filed  before  God  the  Father,  is  this,  to  visit  the  fatherless 
and  the  widows  in  their  affliction,  and  to  kee^)  himself 
unspotted  from  the  world."  And  you  hav^  all  observed 
that  the  organized  societies  and  benevolences,  by  which 
orphans,  and  the  aged,  and  the  helpless,  are  aided  in  asy- 
lums and  refuges,  were  not  (?)  established  by  this  Chris- 
tianity which  "  ignores  man's  present  needs,  and  devotes 
itself  exclusively  to  the  future."  Christian  ministers  never 
preach  on  combining  works  w^ith  faith,  or  showing  charac- 
ter by  conduct,  or  loving  their  neighbors  as  themselves. 
Mr.  Ingersoll  declares  that  a  little  restitution  is  better  than 
a  great  deal  of  repentance,  and  we  have  noticed  tliat  wlien 
Ingersoll  has  delivered  a  lecture  or  two  in  our  large  cities, 
2 


18  MISTAKES  OF  INOERSOLL. 

those  among  his  hearers  who  liave  defrauded  others  have^ 
at  once,  begun  the  work  of  restitution  (?)  by  sending  back 
tlie  money  they  had  stolen  from  em23loyers,  creditors  and 
customers.  (?)  Mr.  Moody,  who  preaches  repentance  as 
well  as  restitution,  of  course  (?)  has  no  such  results  follow- 
ing his  work,  as  he  proclaims  the  Christianity  whose  entire 
interest  is  in  the  future  life.  (?)  You  smile  at  this  practical 
test  of  Mr.  IngersolPs  theory,  in  view  of  the  fact  that  we 
have  no  record  of  a  single  instance  where  one  of  his  lectures 
has  led  to  the  restitution  of  stolen  property;  while  such 
cases  are  constantly  occurring  in  connection  with  the  work 
of  Mr.  Moody  and  other  Christians.  Several  very  notable 
ones  have  come  under  my  own  immediate  notice. 

It  is  an  equally  astounding,  barefaced  misrepresentation, 
or  to  put  it  in  fewer  letters,  false,  when  ho  states  that  all  of 
the  orthodox  religion  of  the  day  is  Calvinistic.  Part  of 
the  so-called  Calvinistic  churches  are  not  Calvinistic  in  the 
usual  sense  of  the  word,  and  we  had  fondly  dreamed  that 
there  was  such  a  body  of  Christians  as  Methodists  who  are 
distinctly  anti-Calvinistic,  and  hold  the  first  place  in  num- 
bers among  Protestant  Churches  in  America. 

It  is  also  a  misrepresentation  to  sa}^,  '*  Whoever  thinks 
he  has  found  it  all  out,  he  is  orthodox,"  for  every  orthodox 
pulpit  constantly  preaches  the  duty  of  growth,  intellectual 
and  spiritual.  Mr.  Ingersoll  declares  that  Protestants  to- 
day would  persecute,  as  in  the  past,  if  they  had  the  power, 
a  statement  in  which  he  assumes  tlie  role  of  the  prophet, 
and  shows  the  profundity  of  his  insight  into  the  spirit  of 
Christianity  to-day,  which  binds  up  the  broken-hearted 
and  ministers  to  the  troubled  and  sorrowing.  It  is  cunning 
sophistry  to  say  that  every  one  is  opposed  to  the  union  of 
Church  and  state,  because  they  know  that  the  Church 
could  not  be  trusted  with  power,  a  statement  which  obtains 
it?  f'»rcc  by  sup])ressing   the  very  important  fact  that  the 


W.  F.  GRAFTS'  REPLY.  19 

Church  when  united  with  political  power  draws  into  itself 
unprincipled  politicians,  and  becomes  entirely  a  different 
body  through  the  opportunities  it  offi^rs  to  selfishness  and 
ambition.  It  is  also  a  misrepresentation  to  say  that  "  Prot- 
estants stand  up  for  Protestant  persecutors  of  the  past," 
for  all  Protestant  churches  of  to-day  condemn  the  burning 
of  Servetus  and  such  acts  as  much  as  any  one.  It  is  also 
a  misrepresentation  by  holding  back  lialf  the  truth  to  tell 
us  of  that  base  or  mistaken  element  of  the  Church  that 
made  the  rack  and  not  of  that  other  noble  element  of  the 
Church  that  was  upon  the  rack,  for  the  martyrs  were  sel- 
dom if  eyer  infidels. 

Ingersoll's  Horrible  Estimate  of  Truth. 

Mr.  Ingersoll,  in  his  recent  lecture  on  ''  Skulls,"  twice 
said  that  truth  was  not  worth  a  little  suffering,  that  one 
had  better  lie  or  recant  than  suffer  a  little  pain,  or  lose  a 
drop  of  blood.  He  w^ould  "  turn  Judas  Tscariot  to  his  own 
soul  "  to  save  a  thumb.  This  significant  item  as  to  his 
whole  estimate  cf  truth  helps  us  to  account  for  the  whole- 
sale manufacture  of  falsehoods  in  his  lectures. 

Mr.  Ingersoll's  most  gross  misrepresentation  is  the 
habitual  custom  of  telling  only  one  side  of  a  fact,  quoting 
difficult  Bible  passages  but  never  sublime  ones,  bad  cus- 
toms of  the  Church  but  never  good  ones,  defects  in  Chris- 
tians but  never  excellences.  When  Mr.  Ingersoll  speaks 
of  "  a  lawyer  whipping  his  child  for  holding  back  part  of 
the  truth,"  he  describes  his  own  partisan  and  one-sided 
method,  as  Professor  Swing  has  shown,  attacking  Christian- 
ity as  the  hired  attorney  of  infidelity,  or  the  hired  cam- 
paigner of  the  anti-Christian  party  who  is  to  present  only 
one  side.  This,  too,  from  a  man  who  claims  that  infidelity 
unfetters  thought  and  broadens  mind. 


20  MISTAKES  OF  INOEBSOLL. 

The  Bible  the  Best  of  Books,  and  Christ  the  Best  ot  Men. 

Mr.  Ingersoll  also  misrepresents  the  differences  among 
the  various  forms  of  Christianity.  All  men  of  broad 
scholarship  of  the  last  and  best  centur}^  who  have  written 
on  religion,  both  skeptics  and  Christians,  agree  on  two 
things — the  Bible  as  the  best  of  books,  and  Christ  as  the 
best  of  men.  So  much  at  least  may  be  said  to  be  indorsed 
by  all  scholarship,  and  when  a  man  rests  down  upon  these 
two  truths  as  proved  and  established,  and  follows  them  out 
into  the  truths  to  which  they  lead,  he  will  not  be  likely  to 
go  far  astray,  for  if  Christ  is  confessedly  the  greatest  and 
best  of  men,  the  ''Teacher  sent  from  God,"  then  His 
teachings  are  to  be  accepted,  and  those  teachings  are  the 
foundations  of  all  essential  Christianity;  and  if  the  Bible 
is  the  best  of  books,  the  moral  and  spiritual  guide  of  man, 
then  its  teachings  are  to  be  carefully  read  and  deeply 
regarded,  and  all  who  take  this  book  as  life's  guide  book 
will  be  led  into  all  truths  of  Christianity  that  are  funda- 
TQental  and  important. 

All  Christians,  Romanists  and  Protestants,  agree  that 
Christ  is  the  living  embodiment  and  pattern  of  Christian 
manhood,  and  that  the  Bible,  at  least,  contains  the  "  Word 
of  God."  All  evangelical  Christians  agree  on  that  broad 
and  simple  platform  of  the  Apostles  Creed,  and  declare 
not  '-many,"  but  one  way  to  Heaven,  and  that  not  by 
"believing  an  incomprehensible  creed,"  but  by  faith  and 
faithfulness  of  intellect,  will,  heart  and  life,  toward  the 
person,  Jesus  Christ.  Two  quotations  fairly  represent  all 
the  evangelical  churches  on  this  matter.  Bishop  Whipple, 
an  Episcopalian,  recently  remarked,  "  As  the  grave  grows 
nearer,  my  theology  is  growing  strangely  simple,  and  it 
begins  and  ends  with  Christ,  as  the  only  refuge  for  the 
lost."     Dr.  Alexander,  of  Princeton,  a  Presbyterian,  when 


W.  F.  CRAFTS'  REPLY.  21 

dying  said ;  "  All  my  theology  is  reduced  to  this  narrow 
compass,  '  Jesus  Christ  came  into  the  world  to  save  sin- 
ners.' "  Mr.  Ingersoll,  misrepresents  the  most  familiar 
facts  when  he  says,  "  Just  in  proportion  as  the  human  race 
has  advanced,  the  church  has  lost  power.  There  is  no 
exception  to  this  rule."  It  is  a  fact  so  familiar  that  every 
intelligent  child  knows  it,  that  Christianity  was  never  so 
powerful  in  the  world,  as  to-day — never  had  so  many  fol- 
lowers. •  By  the  multiplied  agencies  of  church  work,  six 
thousand  are  converted  per  day — two  Pentecosts  every 
twenty-four  hours. 

Mr.  Ingersoll  misrepresents  not  only  the  Bible  and 
church  history,  by  leaving  out  all  that  would  not  help  his 
theories,  and  stating  one  half  the  truth,  but  he  also  mis- 
represents the  Declaration  of  Independence  as  "  retiring 
God  from  politics,"  as  if  the  words  were  not  there,  "the 
station  to  which  the  laws  of  nature,  and  nature's  God  entitle 
them,"  "All  men  are  endowed  by  their  Creator  with  cer- 
tain inalienable  rights" — "and  for  the  support  of  this 
declaration,  and  in  a  firm  reliance  upon  Divine  Providence, 
we  mutually  pledge  to  each  other  our  lives,  our  fortunes, 
and  our  sacred  honor."  It  is  surely  infinitely  absurd  to 
expect  a  man  broadly  and  truly  to  represent  us  in  politics, 
who  so  inexcusably  and  grossly  misrepresents  us  in  religion. 

ARTICLE  IV. 

Something   New   if  True— Infidelity  the  Essential  Factor  in  Pro- 
gressive   Civilization— But    Coleridge,    Wm.    H.    Seward, 
Bismarck,  and  other  great  Statesmen  can  not  see  it — 
Civilization   goes    only  with  Christianity. 

The  fourth  article  in  Ingersollism  is  as  follows:  "  The 
civilization  of  this  country  is  not  the  child  of  faith,  but  of 
unbehef— the  result  of  free  thought.  But  for  the  efforts 
of  a  few  brave  infidels,  the  church  would  have  taken   the 


22  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

world  back  to  the  midnight  of  barbarism."  How  ignorant 
we  have  all  been!  Luther,  who  led  Europe  out  of  the 
Dark  Ages,  was  not,  it  seems,  a  child  of  faith,  but  of  free 
thought  (?)  and  Paul  also,  who  brought  civilization  into 
barbarous  Europe,  peopled  with  savage  tribes,  as 
described  by  Julius  Csesar  in  his  Commentaries.  The 
transformation  of  savage  Gaul  and  Britain  into  civilized 
France  and  England  was  accomplished  bv  the  efforts  of 
"  unbelief."  (?) 

Long  ago,  Christianity  had  a  contest  with  Atheism,  Pan- 
theism, and  Culture,  as  to  which  was  the  best  civilizer. 
Christianity  selected  Europe,  and  gave  the  other  three  con- 
testants Asia,  with  several  centuries  the  start.  Atheism, 
or  Buddhism,  which  ignores  all  spiritual  things  and  devotes 
itself  to  the  present  life,  has  operated  for  thousands  of 
years  in  India.  Pantheism,  or  Brahminism,  made  its 
experiment  in  the  same  country;  and  Culture  obtained 
exclusive  control  of  China,  ruling  both  church  and  state. 
As  a  result,  in  accordance  with  Mr.  Ingersoll  s  theory,  these 
elements  of  Ingersollism  have  developed  a  lofty  civiliza- 
tion (?)  in  China  and  India,  given  education  to  woman, 
torn  away  the  veil  of  her  slavish  seclusion,  made  her  the 
equal  of  man,  treated  female  infants  as  honorably  as  the 
boys,  developed  a  high  morality  in  the  community, 
and  supphed  the  world  with  its  standard  literature,  its 
foremost  science,  and  its  chief  inventions.(?)  On  the  other 
hand,  Christianity  came  into  barbarous  Europe  a  dozen 
centuries  later,  caused  the  degradation  and  enslavement  of 
women  and  children,  (?)  repressed  scientific  investigation,  (?) 
prevented  invention,  (?)  checked  thought,  (?)  and^thus  hin- 
dered literary  activity,  and,  by  the  barbarism  of  the  Bible, 
"brought  bondage  to  man,  woman,  and  child  "  in  body  and 
brain. (?)  If  the  facts  do  not  correspond  to  these  legitimate 
deductions  from  Mr.  Ingersoll's  theories  as  to  the  effect  of 


W.  F.  CRAFTS'  RE  Fir.  S3 

atheistic  culture,  on  the  one  hand,  and  Christianity,  on  the 
other,  upon  national  life,  so  much  the  worse  for  the  facts. 
Mr.  Ingersoll  says  much  against  the  wars  of  Christian 
nations.     He  forgets  that  peace  societies  and  arbitration 
were  never  known  outside  of  Christianity,  and  that  wars  in^ 
Christian  lands  are  the  gradually  disappearing  remains  of 
previous  barbarism.     He  talks  of  science  and  invention  as 
opening  up  this  era!     How  does  it  happen  that  all  this  is 
in  Chrfstian  rather  than  in  heathen  lands?     He  talks  of 
charitv   and   benevolence  of  infidels!     ^hy  is  it  that  all 
benevolent  societies  are  Christian,  and  that  Thomas  Paine 
halls  can  not  be  supported?     He  talks  of  liberty  of  speech 
and  thought  and  government!     Why  is  it  that  such  liberty 
is  only  found  in  Christian  countries?     He  has  much  to  say 
of  the  barbarous  age  of  dug-outs,  tom-toms,  and  wooden 
plows!     Has  he  not  seen  in  the  "World's  Expositions  these 
very  things  as  representing  nations  to-day,  that  have  not 
risen    from    their    primitive    degradation    and     ignorance 
because  Christianity  has  not  yet  reached  them? 

As  to  the  relation  of  the  Bible  to  civilization,  Samuel 
Taylor  Coleridge  declares  that  "  for  more  than  a  thousand 
years  the  Bible,  collectively  taken,  has  gone  hand  in  hand 
with  civilization,  science,  law,  in  short,  with  moral  and 
intellectual  cultivation,  always  supporting,  and  often  lead- 
ing the  way."  ,    ,     ,  ^  ^ 

William  H.  Seward  says,  ''The  whole  hope  of  huuian 
progress  is  suspended  on  the  ever-growing  intluence  ot  the 

Bible."  _,   .      ,  . 

Bismarck  utters  a  similar  sentiment,  as  quoted  in  his 
recent  biography:  "How,  without  faith  in  a  reveal.d 
religion,  in  a  God  who  wills  what  is  good,  m  a  Supreme 
Judge,  and  a  future  life,  men  can  live  together  harmoniously 
-each  doing  his  duty  and  letting  every  one  else  to  do  his- 
I  do  not  understand."     Similar  sentiments  are  uttered  by 


24  MISTAKES  OF  INGER80LL. 

the  leading  statesmen  of  all  lands,  the  unanimous  verdict 
of  statesmanship  being  that  civilization  can  not  be  carried 
forward  without  Christianity. 

ARTICLE    r. 

Marvelous   Power    of  Time   and   Circumstance — Trag4c  Eflfect  of 

Iso-thermal   Lines — Peoria   Mud   Necessarily  the  Seventh 

Heaven  as  IngersoU  Sees  it. 

The  fifth  article  of  Ingersollism  is,  that  gods  and  men 
are  but  evolutions  of  matter  and  circumstance,  the  differ- 
ence between  heathen  gods  and  the  Christian's  God  being 
the  result  of  a  difi'erence  in  their  worshippers,  and  the  dif- 
ference in  men  being  the  result  of  varying  soils  and  sur- 
roundings. He  says  :  "  No  god  was  ever  in  advance  of  the 
nation  that  created  him."  In  answer  to  this  last  statement, 
which  is  true,  of  course,  of  all  imaginary  deities,  but  not  of 
tlie  One  True  Cod,  it  is  only  necessary  to  ask  any  candid 
and  intelligent  man  to  read  the  description  of  Cod  given 
in  the  Bible,  where  both  Testaments  declare  Him  to  be 
"merciful  and  gracious,  long  suffering  and  abundant  in. 
goodness  and  truth,  but  will  by  no  means  spare  the  guilty," 
and  then  say  whether  this  Cod  is  nothing  more  than  the  reflec- 
tion of  the  stiff-necked  and  perverse  people  who  held  to  this 
conce]3tion  of  Deity.  The  fact  is,  Cod  as  described  in  the 
Bible  is  infinitely  loftier  and  purer  than  the  elewish  people, 
or  any  people  of  any  age.  It  is  still  more  absurd,  if  pos- 
sible, for  Mr.  IngersoU  to  assert  that  ''  men  are  but  the 
creatures  of  their  surroundings,  made  what  they  are  wholly 
by  material  causes,  such  as  soil  and  climate."  It  is  one  of 
the  characteristic  contradictions  of  history,  such  as  are  found 
so  frequently  in  Mr.  Ingersoll's  lectures,  when  he  asserts 
that  great  minds  have  never  been  found  except  in  the  "  lands 
of  respectable  winters,"  with  the  intimation  that  no  great 
achievements   in    art  or  literature  are  possible  in  warm 


W.  F.  GRAFTS'  HE  PLY.  25 

Oriental  lands.  As  if  BabyJou,  and  Nineveh,  and  Egypt 
had  not  been  in  early  ages  the  universities  of  the  world. 
Carlyle  must  have  been  very  much  deceived  when  he  declared 
Job  of  the  Oriental  land  of  Uz  to  be  the  greatest  poet  the 
world  has  known.  Mohammed  of  those  warm  lands  was 
certainly  great,  even  tliough  wrong,  and  scores  of  others, 
equally  eminent,  i.xi^-ht  be  mentioned,  although,  of  course, 
it  is  evident  that  greatness  of  men  or  people.^  in  tropical 
lands  is  rather  in  spite  of  circumstances  than  by  their  help. 
Mr.  IngersoU  in  his  lecture  on  "Man,  Woman,  and 
Child,''  speaking  of  one  of  these  warm  countries  as  the  rep- 
resentative of  all,  says:  "You  might  go  there  with  five 
thousand  Congregational  preachers,  five  thousand  deacons, 
five  thousand  professors  in  colleges,  five  thousand  of  the 
solid  men  of  Boston  and  their  wives,  settle  them  all,  and 
you  will  see  the  second  generation  riding  upon  a  mule  bare- 
back, no  shoes,  a  grapevine  whip,  with  a  rooster  under  each 
arm  sfoing  to  a  cock  fight  on  Sunday.  Such  is  the  influence 
of  climate."  But  like  most  of  Mr.  Ingersoll's  theories,  this 
one  is  unfortunately  the  direct  opposite  of  facts.  The 
Sandwich  Islands  have  all  these  disadvantages  of  climate, 
and  fifty  years  ago  were  plunged  in  the  deepest  barbarism, 
with  all  the  vices  of  savage  life;  but  to-day,  as  all  well- 
informed  persons  know,  they  are  as  truly  civilized  as  any 
land,  with  industries,  education,  protection  of  life  and 
property,  equal  to  what  is  found  in  our  own  favored  coun- 
try. And  this  is  all  due,  as  King  Kalikua  said  in  New 
York,  to  the  Christianizing  of  his  people.  Indeed,  Mr. 
IngersoU  contradicts  his  own  theory  as  to  the  dependence 
of  the  individual  upon  surroundings  in  his  lectures  on 
Humboldt  and  Paine,  both  of  whom  he  represents  as 
becoming  great  in  spite  of  surroundings  that  would  natu- 
rally have  led  in  the  op])oj^ite  direction,  thus  involuntarily 
recognizing  something  in  man  deeper  than  mere  physical 
evolution. 


26        y  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

T]ie  whole  absurd  theory  of  individuals  and  nations  being 
whoUj  dependent  upon  soil,  and  climate,  and  surroundings 
for  their  character,  is  fairly  represented  in  the  following 
incident: 

"  Pa,"  said  a  little  six-year  old,  "  what  makes  me  grow  ?" 

"  Why,  the  bread  and  potato  I  feed  you  with." 

"  Does  potatoes  make  our  pig  grow,  too?" 

^'  Yes." 

"  Then,  what  makes  him  be  a  pig  and  me  be  a  boy?" 

That  boy's  simple  question  explodes  all  the  theories  of 
evolution. 

ARTICLE  VI, 

Law  is  Ingersoll's  God. 

The  sixth  article  of  Ingersollism  is,  ''  I  believe  in  law,  the 
Almighty  maker  of  Heaven  and  earth."  One  mi^ht  as 
well  say  that  the  United  States  Constitution  made  our 
country,  or  try  to  rule  the  land  by  laws  without  enforcers. 

That  the  universe  is  governed  according  to  a  system  of 
law  is  recognized  by  Christians  as  much  as  by  any  one,  and 
the  laws  of  the  Bible  are  not  new  arbitrary  enactments,  but 
recognitions  and  proclamations  of  that  part  of  the  law-sys- 
tem of  the  universe  that  relates  to  religion  and  morality. 
Laws  of  spirit  are  as  eternal  as  laws  of  matter.  JS^atural 
science  proclaims  the  latter,  religious  science  the  former. 

ARTICLE  TIL 

Liberty  and  Infidelity- What  De  TocqueviUe  Says  About  it. 

^^  The  seventh  article  is  made  up  of  the  following  statements: 
"  All  religions  are  inconsistent  with  mental  freedom.  The 
doubter,  the  investigator,  the  infidel,  have  been  the  saviours 
of  liberty." 

Mr.  Ingersoll,  when  talking  of   liberty  contradicts  what 
he  himself  has  said  of  law,  and  fails  to  remind  his  hearers 


W.  F.  C HAFTS'  REPLY,  27 

and  readers  that  the  circle  of  law  bounds  on  every  side  the 
privileges  of  liberty,  that  one  has  liberty  only  within  the 
range  of  propriety,  and  that  all  beyond  that  is  license.  lie 
also  forgets  tlie  very  evident  fact  that  the  prevailing  ideas  of 
personal  liberty  in  the  world  are  due  to  the  general  dissem- 
ination, by  Christianity,  of  the  truth  that  a  man  is  a  soul  as 
well  as  a  body.  Wherever  men  are  regarded  as  mere  phys- 
ical beings,  with  no  life  deeper  than  the  bodily  life,  the 
stronger  will  enslave  the  weaker — woman,  child  and  captive. 
"When  the  idea  that  each  man  is  an  immortal  soul  takes 
hold  upon  man,  with  it  there  comes  the  idea  of  individual 
rights.  If  Ingersollism  should  ever  persuade  a  civilized 
people  that  man  has  no  soul,  this  form  of  bondage  of  the 
weaker  to  the  stronger  will  be  resumed.  jSTotsoil,  but  soul, 
is  the  secret  of  liberty. 

Even  Mr.  Frothingliam  recently  declared  that  the  Bible  is 
a  democratic  book,  and  that  we  get  out  of  it  our  ideas  of 
equality.  lie  remembered  what  Mr.  Ingersoll  seems  to  for- 
get, that  all  through  the  Bible,  the  idea  of  personal  and  relig- 
ious liberty  is  found,  especially  in  those  words  of  the  Apostles 
to  the  rulers  who  attempted  to  tyrannize  over  their  con- 
sciences, "  We  ought  to  obey  God  rather  than  man,"  which 
has  fitly  been  termed  the  concisest  of  all  statements  of  the 
principles  of  personal  liberty.  We  may  show  this  relation  of 
religion  to  liberty  in  the  words  of  the  greatest  modern 
writer  upon  such  questions,  De  Tocqueville,  who  says, 
"  Bible  Christianity  is  the  companion  of  liberty  in  all  its 
conflicts,  the  cradle  of  its  infancy,  and  the  divine  source  of 
its  claims." 

ARTICLE  VIII. 
Woman — IngersoU's  Theory  at  Variance  with  Facts. 

The  eighth  article  of  Ingersollism,  is  in  regard  to  woman, 
and  is  as  follows:  "As  long  as  woman  regards  the  Bible 
as  the  charter  of  her  ridits,  she  will  be  the  slave  of  man. 


28  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

The  Bible  was  not  written   bj  a  woman.     Within  its   lids 
there  is  nothing  but  humiliation  and  shame  for  her." 

1  ou  have  all  doubtless  observed  that  in  heathen  coun- 
tries, where  the  Bible  has  not  jet  come  with  its  enslaving 
(?)  influence  woman  has  (?)  liberty  and  honor,  and  educa- 
tion, and  opportunities  of  public  activity  and  benevolence 
(?),  but  in  Christian  lands  she  is  veiled,  degraded,  shut  out 
of  sight  and  restrained  from  education  (?).  I  jiave  always 
observed,  as  a  pastor,  that  it  is  the  religious,  and  church- 
going  husbands  that  tyrannize  over  their  wives  as  '^bosses," 
and  deny  them  their  liberties  of  conscience,  and  other 
rights.  (?) 

1  ou  smile  at  the  absurd  statement,  knowing  that  the 
"heathen  at  home,"  who  as  husbands  are  harsh  and  brutal 
to  the  wives  they  have  promised  to  cherish,  are  frequently 
ardent  believers  in  Ingersollism,  and  seldom  in  any  way 
connected  with  even  nominal  Christianity,  while  every 
school  boy  is  familiar  with  the  fact  that  woman,  in  all 
except  Christian  lands,  is  hardly  better  than  a  slave,  nota- 
bly so,  in  that  land  where  Ingersollism  under  the  name  of 
Buddhism  has  the  controlling  influence.  Mr.  Ingersoll 
utters  many  true  sentiments  about  the  family,  but  all  of 
these  he  learned  of  Christianity,  not  from  China,  or  Egypt. 

ARTICLE    IX. 

Ingersoll's  Theory  of  Childhood— Some  of  His  Iiittle  Stories— The 

Whole    Subject   Carefully  Examined— Significant  Incident 

in  the  Life  of  Abraham  Lincoln. 

The   ninth  article  of  Ingersollism   is  a  theory  of  child- 

nood  which  attacks  the  principles  of  sound  o-overnment  and 

health  even  more  than  religion:     "  Do  not  have  it  in  your 

mind  that  you  must  govern  them;  that  they  (children)  must 

obey.     Let  your  children  eat  what  they  desire.     They  know 

what  they  wish  to  eat.     Let  them  begin  at  which  end  of 

the  dinner  they  please." 


W.  F.  CRAFTS'  REPLY.  29 

Sucli  a  theory  is  worthy  of  nothing  more  than  the  smile 
with  which  you  hear  it.  It  is  all  answered  in  the  following 
representatiye  fact  of  childhood:  A  little  bit  of  a  girl 
wanted  more  and  more  buttered  toast,  till  she  was  told  that 
too  much  would  make  her  sick.  Looking  wistfully  at  the 
dish  for  a  moment,  she  thought  she  saw  a  way  out  of  her 
difficulty,  and  exclaimed,  ''  Wl,  give  me  annuzer  piece, 
and  send  for  the  doctor!" 

Mr.   Ingersoll,   in 'connection  with  his  theory   of  child- 
hood, ofte^n   refers  to  the  fact,  that  he  leaves  his  pocket- 
hook  around   where  his  children   can  help  themselves  to 
whatever  they  wish,  and   urges  the  same  course   uj)on  all 
parents.     It  is  said  that  one  of  the  lecturer's  admirers,  being 
convinced  tliat  this  was  the  correct  theory,  determined  to 
give  up  punishing  his  child,  and  try  the  new  plan.    Accord- 
ingly, he  said  to  his  boy,  ''John,  I  am  convinced  I  have 
been  taking  the  wrong  course  to  try  to  make  you  a  better 
boy.     I  am   going  to   trust  you   more,  and  give  up  whip- 
pings.    I  am  going  away  for  a  few   days,   and  I  have  left 
my ''pocket-book  in  the  top  drawer  of  the  bureau.     Help 
yourself  to  money  whenever  you  need  it."     After  a  few 
days  the  father  returned  to  his  home,  late  at  night.     As  he 
opened   the  door  he  stumbled  over  a  large  canoe  in  the 
entry,  and  was,  then  attacked  by  a  large  bull-dog  that  his 
boy  had  bought.     Entering  the  boy's  room,  he  found  it 
hung  round  with  guns,  and  fishing  poles,  and  daggers,  with 
another  canoe,  and  several  small  dogs— his  pocket-book  lying 
empty  on  the  top  of  the  bureau.     Ee  is  now  less  enthusi- 
astic hi  regard  to  Ingersoirs  knowledge  of  domestic  gov- 
ernment. 

The  leading  point  which  Mr.  Ingersoll  endeavors  to 
make  in  connection  with  his  lecture  on  Thomas  Paine  is 
that  the  Bible  shocks  a  child,  and,  therefore,  can't  be  true. 
You  have  all  observed  ho^v  much  children  are  shocked  as 


30  MISTAKES  OF  TNGERSOLL. 

tliej  gather  about  the  mother's  knees  in  the  twilight,  and 
hear  her  tell  the  stories  of  Jesus,  and  Joseph,  and  Moses, 
and  Samuel,  and  Daniel  (?j.  As  to  the  relation  of  the 
Bible  to  childhood  and  home  life,  let  me  quote  the  opinion 
of  several  eminent  men,  mostly  skeptics,  for  whom  even 
Mr.  Ingersoll  cherishes  the  highest  regard: 

Thomas  Jefferson,  speaking  of  the  Bible  and  home  life, 
says:  "  I  have  always  said,  and  always  will  say,  that  the 
studious  perusal  of  the  sacred  volume  will  make  better 
citizens,  better  fathers,  and  better  husbands." 

John  Quincy  Adams  says:  "So  great  is  my  veneration 
for  the  Bible,  that  the  earlier  my  children  begin  to  read  it, 
the  more  confident  will  be  my  hopes  that  they  will  prove 
useful  citizens  to  their  country  and  respectable  members  of 
society.'' 

Theodore  Parker  says:  "  There  is  not  a  boy  on  the  hills 
of  i^ew  England,  not  a  girl  born  in  the  filthiest  cellar  which 
disgraces  a  capital  in  Europe,  and  cries  to  God  against 
the  barbarism  of  modern  civilization;  not  a  boy  nor  a  girl 
all  Christendom  through,  but  their  lot  is  made  better  by 
that  great  book." 

Diderot,  the  French  philosopher  and  skeptic,  was  wont 
to  make  this  confession:  /' Ko  better  lessons  than  those 
of  the  Bible  can  I  teach  my  child." 

Huxley,  in  an  address  upon  education,  says:  "I  have 
always  been  strongly  in  favor  of  secular  education,  in  the 
sense  of  education  without  theology;  but  I  must  confess  I 
have  been  no  less  seriously  perplexed  to  know  by  what 
practical  measures  the  religious  feeling,  which  is  the  essen- 
tial basis  of  conduct,  was  to  be  kept  up,  in  the  present 
utterly  chaotic  state  of  opinion  on  these  matters,  without 
the  use  of  the  Bible.  The  pagan  moralists  lack  life  and 
color,  and  even  the  noble  stoic,  Marcus  Aurelius,  is  too  high 
and  refined  for  an  ordinary  child.      Take  tlie  Bible  as  a 


W.  F.  GRAFTS'  REPLY.  3t 

whole,  make  the  severest  deductions  which  fair  criticism 
can  dictate,  and  there  stiU  remains  in  this  old  literature  a 
vast  residuum  of  moral  beauty  and  grandeur.  By  the  study 
of  what  other  book  could  children  be  so  humanized^  If 
Bible  reading  is  not  accompanied  by  constraint  and  solem- 
nity, I  do  not  believe  there  is  anything  in  which  children 
take  more  pleasure." 

What  would  "  shock  the  mind  of  a  child  "  would  be  to  hear 
Mr.  Ingersoll  excuse  them  for  telling  a  he,  in  order  to 
escaj)e  a  whipping.  Wliat  would  shock  a  child  would  be 
to  hear  Mr.  Ingersoll  uttering  profanity 

What  would  shock  the  mind  of  a  child  would  be  to 
hear  Mr.  Ingersoll  telling  to  a  crowded  audience  with  a 
smile  of  approval  the  story  of  a  boy's  oath. 


Speaking  of  swearing  reminds  me  of  that  incident  of 
Abraham  Lincoln,  whom  Mr.  Ingersoll  calls  "  the  grandest 
man  ever  President  of  the  United  States,"  who  said  to  a 
person  sent  to  him  by  one  of  the  Senators,  and  who, 
in  conversation,  uttered  an  oath,  ''I  thought  the  Sen- 
ator had  sent  me  a  gentleman;  I  see  I  was  mistaken. 
There  is  the  door,  and  I  bid  you  good-day."  1  hold  in  my 
hand  the  last  report  of  the  New  York  Society  for  the  Pre- 
vention of  Cruelty  to  Children.  Of  course,  the  bruised  and 
beaten  little  ones,  here  described,  were  the  victims  of 
cruelty  in  Christian  homes  (?).  Their  fathers  and  mothers 
had  taken  too  much  religion  (?),  had  become  brutalized  by 
reading  the  Bible  (?),  and  hence  abused  the  children  by 
their  own  fireside  until  the  law  was  compelled  to  interfere 
for  their  defense  (?). 


32  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

In  my  work  as  a  member  of  the  Citizen's  League  for  the 
suppression  of  the  sale  of  liquors  to  minors,  I  have  noticed 
that  this  supreme  cruelty  to  children — selling  them  in  their 
immature  years  the  liquors  that  make  them  self-destroyers, 
violators  of  the  public  jDeace,  and  candidates  for  drunkards' 
graves — is  perpetrated  by  Christian  men,  not  by  the  infidels 
who  applaud  so  lustily  at  Mr.  Ingersoll's  lectures  (?).  Here 
I  am  reminded  of  the  published  report,  which  seems  well 
authenticated,  that  Mr.  Ingersoll  in  his  childhood  lived  in 
•  one  of  those  exceptional  homes  where  nominal  Christianity 
was  combined  with  harshness,  cruelty  and  bigotry.  If  so, 
this  would  be  some  slight  excuse  for  his  present  conduct, 
were  it  not  for  the  fact  that  maturer  years  have  given  him 
abundant  opportunity  to  see  the  bright  and  sunny  side  of 
Christian  gentleness  in  other  homes.  And  there  are  no 
true  homes  that  do  not  owe  their  existence  to  the  influence 
of  Christianity  npon  the  family  relation. 

Having  myself  made  childhood  a  special  study  for  several 
years,  I  find  that  the  degree  of  recognition  given  to  the 
opinions  and  importance  of  childhood  in  various  ages  and 
countries,  is  exactly  in  proportion  to  the  degree  of  Chris- 
tianity there,  children  being  scarcely  noticed  in  heathen 
lands,  either  in  poetry,  or  history,  or  ethics,  while  the  Bible 
religion  has  always  given  childhood  an  exceedingly  prom- 
inent place.  All  the  attention  given  to  the  education  and 
development  of  the  little  ones  is  but  the  starlight  that 
shines  down  npon  us  from  the  manger  of  the  God-child. 

AMTICLE  X. 

Ingersoll    Says    Christianity    Fetters    Thought— The   Bible   and  a 
Host  of  Distinguished  Men  Say  Otherwise. 

The  tenth  article  of  Ingersollism  is  the  frequent  asser- 
tion that  Christianity  fetters  thought,  while  infidelity 
emancipates  it,  in  such  passages  as  these:      "In  all  ages, 


W,  F.  GRAFTS'  REPLY.  33 

reason  has  been  regarded  as  the  enemy  of  religion."  "  The 
gods  dreaded  education  and  knowledge  then  (in  the  time  of 
the  Garden  of  Eden)  just  as  they  do  now."  "For  ages 
a  deadly  conflict  has  been  waged  by  a  few  brave  men  of 
thought  and  genius,  on  the  one  side,  and  the  great, 
ignorant,  religious  mass,  on  the  other.  The  few  liave 
said:  'Think.'     The  many  have  said:   'Believe.''' 

In  order  to  ascertain  what  freedom  and  power  of  thought 
materialism  had  given  to  the  mind  of  Mr.  Ingersoll,  I 
made  special  examination  of  the  logic  in  the  lecture  on 
*'  The  Gods,"  and  found  there,  in  a  very  short  time,  one  or 
more  specimens  of  all  the  fallacies  laid  down  in  the  text- 
books of  logic.  ''  Waiter,"  said  John  Kandolph,  at  a  cer- 
tain hotel,  "if  this  is  coffee,  bring  me  tea;  if  this  is  tea, 
bring  me  coffee  "  And  so  we  say,  if  this  is  the  "  power  of 
thought,"  give  us  weakness. 

Instead  of  the  Bible  forbidding  us  to  think,  as  Inger- 
sollism  so  often  declares,  it  is  full  of  ringing  appeals  to 
"reason,"  "think,"  "consider,"  "ponder,"  "prove  all 
things." 

Prov.  26: 16:  "The  sluggard  is  wiser  in  his  own  conceit  than  seven 
men  that  can  render  treason.'''' 

Eccl.  7:25:  "I  applied  mine  heart  to  know,  and  to  search,  and  to 
seek  out  wisdom,  and  the  reason  of  things,  and  to  know  the  wickedness 
of  folly,  even  of  foolishness  and  madness." 

Isa.  1:18:  "Come  now  and  let  us  reason  together,  saith  the  Lord; 
though  your  sins  be  as  scarlet,  they  shall  be  as  white  as  snow ;  though  they 
be  red  like  crimson,  they  shall  be  as  wool." 

Matt.  22 :  42 :     "  What  think  ye  of  Christ  ?" 

Acts  17 :  2:  "  Paul,  as  his  manner  was,  went  in  unto  them,  and  three 
Sabbath  days  reasoned  with  them  out  of  the  Scriptures." 

Acts  18:  4:  "lie  reasoned  in  the  synagogue  every  Sabbath,  and  per- 
suaded the  Jews  and  the  Greeks." 

Acts  18 :  19 :  "  And  he  came  to  Ephesus,  and  left  them  there ;  but  he 
himself  entered  into  the  synagogue  and  reasoned  with  the  Jews." 

Acts  24 :  25 :     "  And  as  he  reasoned  of  righteousness,  temperance,  and 
judgment  to  come,  Felix  trembled." 
3 


34  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

Piom.  12:1:  "  I  beseech  you  therefore,  brethren,  by  the  mercies  of 
God,  that  you  present  your  bodies  a  living  sacrifice,  holy,  acceptable 
unto  God,  which  is  3'our  rcasoiiaUe  service." 

Phil.  4:8:  ''Finally,  brethren,  whatsoever  things  are  true,  whatso- 
ever things  are  honest,  whatsoever  things  are  just,  whatsoever  things 
are  pure,  whatsoever  things  are  lovely,  whatsoever  things  are  of  good 
report,  if  there  be  any  virtue,  and  if  there  be  any  praise,  think  on  these 
things.'" 

1  Thess.  5:21:     "  Prove  all  things ;  hold  fast  that  which  is  good." 

Let  us  look  into  biography,  and  make  a  practical  test  of 
this  theory  that  the  Bible  fetters  thought.  If  so,  those 
who  believe  and  love  it  will  not  be  strong  and  leading 
thinkers.     Let  us  apply  the  test  in  the  ranks  of  science. 

A  Cloud  of  Witnesses. 

Professor  Benjamin  Pierce,  of  Harvard  College,  has 
recently  completed  a  very  remarkable  course  of  lectures  at 
the  Lowell  Institute,  Boston,  on  "Ideality  in  Science." 
Professor  Pierce,  who  is  now  in  his  seventieth  year,  is, 
perhaps,  the  most  eminent  mathematical  scholar  in  this 
country,  and  the  author  of  some  of  the  most  profound 
investigations  and  speculations  that  have  been  made  in  the 
realm  of  astronomical  science.  This  man  of  mighty  thought 
must  have  been  emancipated  and  inspired  by  infidelity  (?). 
This  scholar,  whose  mind  may  be  supposed  to  feed  on  fact, 
holds  an  unquestioning  faith  in  a  personal  God  and  the 
immortal  life. 

The  late  Professor  Henry,  of  the  Smithsonian  Institute, 
was  one  of  the  broadest  and  best  of  scientific  thinkers 
because  infidelity  gave  him  freedom  of  thought  ( ?).  No, 
he  was  a  sweet-spirited  Christian  in  his  daily  life. 

Sir  David  Brewster,  another  eminent  scientist,  said  o.f 
his  Christian  experience:  "  I  have  had  this  light  for  many 
years,  and  oh!  how  bright  it  is  to  me." 

Professor  Silliman,  who  is  unsurpassed  in  his  scientific 


W.  F.  CRAFTS'  REPLY.  35 

department,  niiist  also  be  classed  under  the  head  of  ''  the 
ignorant  religious  mass,"  for  he  was  another  of  the  very 
many  Christian  scientists,  whom  the  world  has  ignorantly(?) 
supposed  a  thinker,  in  spite  of  Mr.  IngersolPs  theory  of 
faith  as  being  a  mental  bondage.  He  says:  "  I  can  truly 
declare  that,  in  the  study  and  exhibition  of  science  to  my 
pupils  and  fellow  men,  I  have  never  forgotten  to  give  all 
honor  and  glory  to  the  infinite  Creator — happy  if  I  might 
be  the  honored  interpreter  of  a  portion  of  his  works,  and 
of  the  beautiful  structure  and  beneficent  laws  discovered 
therein  by  the  labors  of  many  illustrious  predecessors." 
We  might  add  scores  of  others  in  each  department  of  sci- 
ence, who  have  found  no  discord  between  the  Word  and 
world  of  God. 

Who  are  the  four  greatest  thinkers  in  the  realm  of  states- 
manship of  this  century?  Daniel  Webster,  Gladstone, 
Thiers,  and  Bismarck.  All  of  them,  of  course,  are  enabled 
to  be  thus  broad  and  prominent  as  national  thinkers  by  the 
power  of  infidelity  (?).  J^o,  each  one  of  them_  is  most  posi- 
tive in  his  Christian  belief. 

Webster  declares  the  grandest  thought  which  ever  entered 
his  mind  was  that  of  "personal  accountability  to  God." 

Gladstone  gives  much  of  time  and  attention  to  religious 
writing. 

Thiers  says,  in  his  last  days:  ^'I  often  invoke  that  God 
in  whom  I  am  happy  to  believe,  who  is  denied  by  fools  and 
ignorant  people,  but  in  whom  the  enlightened  man  finds 
his  consolation  and  hope." 

Bismarck  is  called,  in  derision,  "the  God-fearing  man," 
in  reference  to  his  well-known  religious  principles.  (Busch's 
Bismarck,   p.   200). 

We  might  add  to  these  Charles  Sumner,  who  called 
Christianity  the  *'  true  religion  "  and  '*  our  faith,"  and  whose 
speeches  constantly  recognize  God  and  Cliristianity. 


36  MISTAKES  OF  INOERSOLL. 

Who  are  the  leading  literary  characters  of  the  ceuturyf 
Yictor  Hugo,  what  of  him  ?  Did  you  ever  read  his  chapter 
on  prayer  in  Les  Miserables,  and  his  grand  tribute  to 
immortality,  uttered  as  a  rebuke  to  a  company  of  French 
physicians,  a  few  years  ago?  Moore — have  you  read  his 
"Paradise  and  the  Peri,"  the  Gospel  of  repentance,  and  do 
you  know  him  as  the  author  of  the  hymn,  "  Come,  ye  Dis- 
consolate?" Walter  Scott — have  you  read  his  translation 
of  "Dies  Ime,"  uttered  so  devoutly  in  his  last  days: 

"  Oh !  in  that  day,  that  dreadful  day, 
When  Heaven  and  earth  shall  pass  away, 
Be  Thou,  oh  Christ,  the  sinner's  st  y, 
When  Heaven  and  earth  shall  pass  away." 

And  Shakspeare,  whom  Mr.  Ingersoll  accounts  one  of 
the  grandest  of  human  minds,  was  great  enough  to  believe 
in  the  Bible.  Aud  so  Thackeray,  Whittier,  Dickens,  Gold- 
smith, Longfellow,  and  Irving  were  intellectual  believers  in 
Christianity. 

The  following  men,  also  lacking  the  freedom  and  power 
of  thought  that  comes  by  materialism  (?)  became  mentally 
so  weak  (?)  that  they  declared,  in  varying  terms,  after  read- 
ing largely  in  all  departments  of  literature,  that  the  Bible 
5s  the  best  book  in  the  world:  Sir  Walter  Scott,  Sir  Wil- 
liam Jones,  George  Gilfillan,  Milton,  Pollok,  Coleridge, 
Collins,  Bacon,  John  Adams,  Napoleon,  James  Freeman 
Clarke,  Lange,  Kitto,  Eobertson.  And  Channing  put  the 
Gospels  where  these  others  place  the  whole  Bible — above 
all  other  literature. 

The  following  ])erson8  strongly  commend  the  Bible  as  a 
whole:  Dr.  Samuel  Johnson,  Carlyle,  Dryden,  Young, 
Cowper,  Locke,  Newton,  Seward,  Dawson,  Franklin,  John 
Quincy  Adams,  Bellows,  Bartol,  Theodore  Parker,  Rous- 
seau, Guizot,  Bunsen,  Story,  Webster,  Diderot,  Matthew 
Arnold,  and  Huxley. 


W.  F.  GRAF-TS'  REPLY.  37 

The  following  persons  among  many  others  declare  that 
they  found  in  the  Bible,  not  fetters  for  thought,  but  their 
strongest  inspiration  to  thought  :  Daniel  Webster,  Fisher 
Ames,  Mitchell,  the  Astronomer,  Euskin  and  Goethe. 

It  is  evident  that  very  many  others  might  truly  have 
said  the  same,  including  Theodore  Parker  and  Mr.  Froth- 
ingham  and  other  skeptics,  whose  writings  show  plainly 
that  they  owe  their  beauties  of  style  to  a  familiarity  with 
the  Bible. 

Jesus  Christ. 

With  these  great  men  who  have  commended  the  Bible 
should  be  mentioned  one  who  is  confessed  by  Christians  and 
skeptics  the  greatest  and  best  of  men,  Jesus  Cheist,  who 
used  the  Psalms  as  His  prayer  and  hymn  book,  and  always 
spoke  of  the  whole  Old  Testament  as  the  Eternal  Law  Book 
of  humanity.  There  is  not  time,  nor  is  it  necessary  now 
to  answer  in  detail  all  the  hard  questions  that  can  be  asked 
about  single  Bible  passages.  But  these  great  men  and 
Christ  saw  all  these  points  of  difficulty,  and  yet  accepted 
the  Bible  as  the  pre-eminent  book,  commending  it  to  the 
perusal  of  all  as  the  source  of  the  mind's  grandest  inspira- 
tions. Side  by  side  with  these  scores  of  the  world's  fore- 
most men  who  declare  the  Bible  the  best  of  books,  or 
strongly  commend  it,  or  point  to  it  as  the  source  of  their 
grandest  thoughts,  put  the  opinion  of  that  more  learned  (?), 
more  profound  (?),  more  unprejudiced  (?)  scholar  and  phi- 
losopher, Colonel  Ingersoll,  who  stands  almost  alone  among 
educated  men  in  strongly  condemning  the  Bible,  which  his 
bigotry  prints  with  a  small  "  b  "  in  spite  of  the  rules  of 
grammar,  and  describes  it  as  about  the  worst  book  of  the 
world,  in  these  words  among  others:  ''If  men  will  read 
the  Bible  as  they  read  other  books,  they  will  be  amazed  that 
they  ever,  for  one  moment,  sup])Osed  a  being  of  infinite 
wisdom  to  be   the  author  of  such  io:norance  and  of  such 


38  MISTAKES  OF  1N0ER80LL. 

atrocity.  The  Bible  burned  heretics,  built  dungeons, 
founded  the  inquisition,  and  trampled  upon  all  the  liberties 
of  men.  All  the  philosophy  of  the  Bible  would  not  make 
one  scene  in  Hamlet.  I  could  write  a  better  book  than  the 
Bible,  which  is  full  of  barbarism." 

Amazing  Ignorance  of  Infidels  Concerning  the  Scriptures — Hiune's 

Ignorance  of  the  New  Testament  —  Tom  Paine 

Without  a  Bible. 

."  But  some  one  asks.  Are  there  not  other  eminent  men 
who  have  despised  and  condemned  the  Bible?  Most  cer- 
tainly, as  there  are  those  who  have  entered  their  protest 
against  almost  any  and  everything  mentionable.  It  is, 
nevertheless,  worthy  of  note  that,  in  most  instances,  those 
who  have  sought  the  more  resolutely  to  defame  the  Holy 
Scriptures  are  those  who  are  comparatively  unacquainted 
with  them.  David  Hume,  distinguished  both  as  essayist 
and  historian,  standing  among  the  most  noted  of  modern 
skeptical  philosophers,  was  a  resolute  objector  of  the  Bible, 
but  was  notoriously  ignorant  of  its  contents.  Dr.  Johnson, 
in  conversation  with  several  literary  friends,  once  observed, 
in  his  usual,  direct,  and  unequivocal  manner,  that  no  hon- 
est man  could  be  a  deist,  because  no  man  could  be  so  after 
a  fair  examination  of  the  truths  of  Christianity.  When 
the  name  of  Hume  was  mentioned  to  him  as  an  exception 
to  his  remark,  he  replied:  '  ISTo,  sir;  Hume  once  owned  to 
a  clergyman  in  the  bisliopric  of  Durham,  that  he  had  never 
read  even  the  l^ew  Testament  with  attention.'  "* 

Let  us  cross-question  another  important  witness  as  to  his 
knowledge  of  the  book  against  which  he  offers  testimony. 
We  ask  Thomas  Paine  as  to  his  familiarity  with  the  Bible, 
wliich  he  so  bitterly  condemns,  and  he  replies,  '*  I  keep  no 
Bible."     I  hold  in  my  hand  a  sermon    preached  in  New 

*From  "  What  Noted  Men  Think  of  the  Bible." 


W.  F.  CRAFTS'  REPLY.  39 

York  City,  by  Kev.  W.  F.  Hatfield,  in  reply  to  Mr.  Inger- 
soll's  lecture  on  Thomas  Paine,  in  wliich  reply,  with  abund- 
ant facts,  such  as  would  convince  a  court,  it  is  shown  con- 
clusively that  Thomas  Paine  was  vicious  and  corrupt  in  life, 
and  miserable  and  remorseful  in  death.  As  to  the  value  of 
Yoltaire's  testimony  against  Christianity,  Carlyle  declares  it 
worthless  on  the  ground  of  lack  of  knowledge  on  the  sub- 
ject of  which  he  testifies.  He  says:  "It  is  a  serious 
ground  of  offense  against  Yoltaire  that  he  intermeddled  in 
religion  without  being  hirdself,  in  any  measure,  religious; 
that,  in  a  word,  he  ardently,  and  with  long-continued  effort, 
warred  against  Christianity,  without  understanding,  beyond 
the  mere  superfices,  what  Christianity  was." 

There  are  also  a  class  of  specialists  who  are  quoted  against 
the  Bible,  and  who  manifest  a  hostility  to  it,  whose  testi- 
mony is  of  little  value  because  of  the  narrow  range  in 
which  they  have  studied,  making  them  authorities  only  in 
their  special  department.  Halley,  the  astronomer,  once 
avowed  his  skepticism  in  presence  of  Sir  Isaac  Xewton. 
The  venerable  man  replied:  "  Sir,  you  have  never  studied 
these  subjects  and  I  have.  Do  not  disgrace  yourself  as  a 
philosopher  by  presuming  to  judge  on  questions  you  have 
never  examined." 

Distributed  Ignorance  and  Concentrated  Hatred — Probable  Cause 
of  IngersoU's  Infidelity. 

The  largest  proportion  of  skeptics,  however,  are  mere 
sophomores,  spoiled  with  a  little  learning  which  is  only 
"  distributed  ignorance,"  well  represented  by  a  precocious 
boy  of  fourteen,  whom  I  found  writing  an  essay  on  "  Mat- 
rimony," and  who  left  it  during  my  call  to  argue  in  favor 
of  Ingersollism  and  against  the  Bible  (of  which  he  knew 
as  little  as  of  matrimony),  which  he  admitted  lie  had  never 
read,  as  do   nearly  all   skeptics   when  (piestioned   on  this 


40  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

matter.  The  bitterness  of  the  opposition  to  Christianity 
of  Mr.  Ingersoll  and  other  infidels  is  explained  by  the  Earl 
of  Rochester 5  who  was  converted  from  infidelity  and  said, 
in  explanation  of  his  former  course  and  that  of  others:  ''A 
bad  heart,  a  bad  heart  is  the  great  objection  against  the  Holy 
Book."  "  The  fool  hath  said  in  his  heoM  "  (not  his  head) 
"  there  is  no  God."  The  bad  heart  is  father  to  the  infidel 
thouo'ht.  It  is  like  the  case  of  the  old  woman  who  broke 
her  looking-glass  because  it  showed  the  wrinkles  creeping 
into  her  fading  face.  Men  strive  to  break  the  Bible  glass 
that  shows  the  wrinkles  and  defects  of  character.  The 
whole  appearance  and  tone  and  spirit  of  Mr.  Ingersoll  in 
his  lectures  is  suggestive  of  this  heart  hatred  against  the 
book  which  he  attacks,  "  kicks,"  "  hates,"  not  with  the 
calmness  of  logic,  but  with  the  bitterness  of  a  heart-hos- 
tility. Those  infidels  who  have  faithfully  examined  the 
Bible  have  usually  been  convinced  of  its  truth  and  con- 
verted to  Christianity.  Among  them,  such  distinguished 
names  as  Lord  Lyttleton,  Gilbert  West,  Soame  Jenyus, 
Bishop  Thompson,  and  at  least  a  score  of  notable  cases  in 
connection  with  Mr.  Moody's  revival  meetings  in  England. 
"What  comparison,  let  us  ask,  will  the  number  of  cele- 
brated skeptics,  even  when  the  best  possible  showing  is 
made,  hold  with  the  distinguished  men  who  have  ranked 
the  sacred  volume  above  all  others?  Remember  that  your 
mother's  love  for  the  Bible  and  your  own  early  reverence 
for  it,  have  the  indorsement  of  the  grandest  and  profound- 
est  minds  which  have  been  known  and  honored  among 
humanity." 

The  Truth  of  the  Whole  Matter. 

But  salvation  is  not  by  belief  in  a  book,  or  a  creed,  or  a 
Church,  but  by  belief  in  the  person  of  Jesus  Christ.  Mr. 
Ingersoll  skips  this  hard   problem,    "  What    think   ye   of 


W.  F.  GRAFTS'  REPLY.  41 

Christ?"  He  hardly  refers  to  this  citadel  of  Christianity 
half  a  dozen  times  in  all  his  lectures,  making  his  attacks 
chiefly  on  human  outposts  and  then  claiming  to  have  over- 
borne the  citadel  of  Christianity.  Even  Strauss,  Kenan, 
Rousseau,  Theodore  Parker,  Napoleon,  and  Richter — none 
of  them  experimental  Christians — unite  as  a  jury  in  the 
verdict  expressed  by  Richter  in  regard  to  Christ,  "  He  is 
the  purest  among  the  mighty,  the  mightiest  among  the 
pure."  "We  have,  then,  two  facts  as  a  sure  anchorage  of  our 
Christianity  to-day.  All  scholarly  skepticism  agrees  with 
Christianity  that  the  Bible  is  the  best  of  books  and  that 
Christ  is  the  best  of  men.  He  who  thus  accepts  the  Bible 
and  Christ  can  not  logically  or  consistently  stop  short  of  a 
Christian  life,  following  Christ  as  his  pattern,  and  walking 
by  the  Bible  as  his  rule. 

We  may  differ  about  creeds,  and  Church  forms,  and  Bible 
interpretation,  but  he  who  has  faith  and  faithfulness  toward 
the  person,  Jesus  Christ  shall  be  saved.  Let  us  then 
devoutly  utter  the  creed  of  Daniel  Webster,  as  inscribed 
by  his  own  request  on  his  tombstone  at  Marshfield : 

^'  LORD,  I 
BELIEVE,  HELP 
THOU  MINE  UNBELIEF. 
PHILOSOPHICAL  ARGUMENT 
ESPECIALLY  THAT    DRAWN  FROM 
THE  VASTNESS  OF  THE    UNI  \' ERSE  IN  COM- 
PARISON WITH  THE  APPARENT  INSIGNIFICANCE 
OF  THIS  GLOBE,  HAS  SOMETIMES  SHAKEN  INIY  REASON 
FOR    THE    FAITH    THAT    IS    IN    ME;     BUT    MY    HEART    HAS 
ASSURED  ME  THAT  THE  GOSPEL  OF  JESUS  CHRIST  MUST 
BE  A  DIVINE  REALITY.       THE    SERMON  ON  THE* 
MOUNT    CAN   NOT     BE    A    MERELY    HUMAN 
PRODUCTION.      THIS  BELIEF  ENTERS 
INTO  THE  VERY  DEPTH  OF  MY 
CONSCIENCE.    THE  WHOLE 
HISTORY  OF  MAN 
PROVES  IT." 


(Z^^s^y 


CHAFLAIN  McGABES  UEFLT.  4a 


CHAPLAIN  M'CABE'S  REPLY, 


The  Famous  Chaplain  has  a  Remarkable  Dream-  He  Sees  the 
Great  City  of  Int'irsollville — Which  Ingersoll  and  the  Infidel 
Host  Eiiter— And  are  Shut  in  for  Six  Months— Remarkable 
Condition  of  Things  Outside  and  Inside— Happiness  and  Mis- 
ery—Ingersoll  Finally  Petitions  for  a  Church  and  sends  for 
a  liOt  of  Preachers. 

I  had  a  dream  which  was  not  all  a  dream.  I  thought  I 
was  on  a  long  journey  through  a  beautiful  country,  when 
suddenly  I  came  to  a  great  city  with  walls  fifteen  feet  high. 
At  the  gate  stood  a  sentinel,  whose  shining  armor  reflected 
back  the  rays  of  the  morning  sun.  As  I  was  about  to 
sahite  him  and  pass  into  the  city,  he  stopped  me  and  said: 

'•Do  you  believe  in  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ?" 

I  answered:     "Yes,  with  all  my  heart." 

"  Then,"  said  he,  '*  you  can  not  enter  here.  No  man  or 
woman  who  acknowledges  that  name  can  pass  in  here 
Stand  aside!"  said  he,  "  they  are  coming." 

I  looked  down  the  road,  and  saw  a  vast  multitude 
approaching.     It  was  led  by  a  military  officer. 

"  Who  is  that?"  I  asked  of  the  sentinel. 

'•  That,"  he  replied,  "  is  the  great  Colonel  Robert  I » 

the  founder  of  the  City  of  Ingersollville." 

''  Who  is  he?"  I  ventured  to  inquire. 

"  He  is  a  greafand  mighty  warrior,  who  fought  in  many 
bloody  battles  for  the  Union  during  the  great  war." 

I  felt  ashamed  of  my  ignorance  of  history,  and  stood 
silently  vratching  the  procession.     I  had  heard  of  a  Colonel 


44  M [.'STAKES  OF  JNGER80LL. 

I ,  ******  but,    of 

■course,  this  could  not  be  the  nian. 

The  procession  came  near  enough  for  me  to  recognize 
some  of  the  faces.  I  noted  two  infidel  editors  of  national 
celebrity,  followed  by  great  wagons  containing  steam  presses. 
There  were  also  five  members  of  Congress. 

All  the  noted  infidels  and  scofifers  of  the  country  seemed 
to  be  there.  Most  of  them  passed  in  unchallenged  by  the 
sentinel,  but  at  last  a  meek-looking  individual  with  a  white 
necktie  approached,  and  he  was  stopped.  I  saw  at  a  glance 
it  was  a  well-known  "  liberal "  preacher  of  IN'ew  York. 

"  Do  you  believe  in  the  Lord  Jesus?"  said  the  sentinel. 

"  Not  much!"  said  the  doctor. 

Everybody  laughed,  and  he  was  allowed  to  pass  in. 

There  were  artists  there,  with  glorious  pictures;  singers, 
with  ravishing  voices;  tragedians  and  comedians,  whose 
names  have  a  world-wide  feme. 

Then  came  another  division  of  the  infidel  host — saloon- 
keepers by  thousands,  proprietors  of  gambling  hells,  brothels, 
and  theatres. 

Still  another  division  swept  by:  burglars,  thieves,  thugs, 
incendiaries,  highwaymen,  murderers  —  all — all  marching 
in.  My  vision  grew  keener.  1  beheld,  and  lo!  Satan  him- 
self brought  up  the  rear. 

High  afloat  above  the  mass  was  a  banner  on  which  was 
inscribed:  ''  What  has  Christianity  done  for  the  country?" 
and  another  on  which  was  inscribed:  '-Down  with  the 
churches!  Away  with  Christianity — it  interferes  with  our 
haj)])ine3s!"  And  then  came  a  murmur  of  voices,  that 
grew  louder  and  louder  until  a  shout  went  up  like  the  roar 
of  Niagara:  "Away  with  Him!  Crucify  Him,  crucify 
Him!"     I  felt  no  desire  now  to  enter  Ino-ersoUville. 

As  thc^  last  of  the  procession  entered,  a  few  men  and 
women,  with  broad-brimmei]  liits  and  ])]Hin  bnmiet-.   made 


GBAPLAIiW  J/cO ABE'S  REPLY.  45- 

their  appearance,  and  wanted  to  go  in  as  missionaries,  but 
they  were  turned  rudely  away.  A  zealous  young  Metho- 
dist exhorter,  with  a  Bible  under  his  arm,  asked  permission 
to  enter,  but  the  sentinel  swore  at  him  awfully.  Then  I 
thought  I  saw  Brother  Moody  applying  for  admission,  but 
he  was  refused.  I  could  not  help  smiling  to  hear  Moody 
say,  as  he  turned  sadly  away: 

"Well!  they  let  me  live  and  work  in  Chicago;  it  is  very 
strange  they  won't  let  me  into  Ingersollville." 

The  sentinel  went  inside  the  gate  and  shut  it  with  a 
bang;  and  T  thought,  as  soon  as  it  was  closed,  a  mighty 
angel  came  down  with  a  great  iron  bar,  and  barred  the  gate 
on  the  outside,  and  wrote  upon  it  in  letters  of  fire,  "  Doomed 
to  live  together  six  months."  Then  he  went  away,  and  all 
was  silent,  except  the  noise  of  the  revelry  and  shouting  that 
came  from  within  the  city  walls. 

I  went  away,  and  as  I  journeyed  through  the  land  I  could 
not  believe  my  eyes.  Peace  and  plenty  smiled  everywhere. 
The  jails  were  all  empty,  the  penitentiaries  were  without, 
occupants.  The  police  of  great  cities  were  idle.  Judges- 
sat  in  court-rooms  with  nothing  to  do.  Business  was  brisk. 
Many  great  buildings,  formerly  crowded  with  criminals,, 
were  turned  into  manufacturing  establishments.  Just  about 
this  time  the  President  of  the  United  States  called  for  a 
Day  of  Thanksgiving.  I  attended  services  in  a  Presby- 
terian Church.  The  preacher  dwelt  upon  the  changed  con- 
dition of  affairs.  As  he  went  on,  and  depicted  the  great 
prosperity  that  had  come  to  the  country,  and  gave  reasons 
for  devout  thanksgiving,  I  saw  one  old  deacon  clap  his 
handkerchief  over  his  mouth  to  keep  from  shouting  right 
out.  An  ancient  spinster,  who  never  did  like  the  "  noisy  '* 
Methodists— a  regular  old  blue-stocking  Presbyterian— 
couldn't  hold  in.  She  expressed  the  thought  of  every  heart 
by  shouting  with  all  her  might,  "Glory  to  God  for    Inger- 


46  MISTAKES  OF  INOER80LL. 

sollville!"  A  young  theological  student  lifted  up  his  hand 
and  devoutly  added,  "  Esto  perj)etua.^'  Everybody  smiled. 
The  country  was  almost  delirious  with  joy.  Great  pro- 
cessions of  children  swept  along  the  highways,  singino-, 

"  We'll  uot  give  up  the  Bible, 
God's  blessed  Word  of  Truth." 

Vast  assemblies  of  reformed  inebriates,  with  their  wives 
and  children,  gathered  in  the  open  air.  ]^o  building*  would 
hold  them.  I  thought  I  was  in  one  meeting  where  Bishop 
Simpson  made  an  address,  and  as  he  closed  it  a  mighty 
shout  went  up  till  the  earth  rang  again.  O,  it  was  won- 
derful !  and  then  we  all  stood  up  and  sang  with  tears  of  joy, 

"  All  hail  the  power  of  Jesus'  name ! 

Let  angels  prostrate  fall ; 
Bring  forth  the  royal  diadem, 

And  crown  him  Lord  of  all." 

The  six  months  had  well-nigh  gone.  I  made  my  way 
hack  again  to  the  gate  of  Ingersollville.  A  dreadful  silence 
reigned  over  the  city,  broken  only  by  the  sharp  crack  of  a 
revolver  now  and  then.  I  saw  a  man  trying  to  get  in  at  the 
gate,  and  I  said  to  him,  "  My  friend,  where  are  you  from?" 

"  I  live  in  Chicago,"  said  he,  ''  and  they've  taxed  us  to 
death  there;  and  I've  heard  of  this  city,  and  I  want  to  go 
in  to  buy  some  real  estate  in  this  new  and  growing  place." 

He  failed  utterly  to  remo\'e  the  bar,  but  by  some  means 
he  got  a  ladder  about  twelve  feet  long,  and  with  its  aid,  he 
climbed  up  upon  the  wall.  With  an  eye  to  business,  he 
shouted  to  the  first  person  he  saw: 

"  Hallo,  there  ! — what's  the  price  of  real  estate  in  Inger- 
sollville ?" 

"  JSTothing  !"  shouted  a  voice;  "you  can  have  all  you 
want  if  you'll  just  take  it  and  pay  the  taxes." 

"  What  made  your  taxes  so  high?"  said  the  Chicago  man. 
I  noted  the  answer  carefully;  T  shall  never  for^ret  it. 


O  RAF  LAIN  McGABES  REPLY.  -t7 

"  We've  had  to  build  forty  new  jails  and  fourteen  peni- 
tentiaries— a  lunatic  asylum  and  an  orpiian  asylum  in 
every  ward;  weVe  liad  to  disband  the  public  schools,  and 
it  takes   all  the  city  revenue  to  keep  up  the  police  force." 

"Where's  my  old  friend,  I ?"  said  the  Chicago  man. 

"  O,  he  is  going  about  to-day  with  a  subscription  paper 
to  build  a  church.  They  have  gotten  up  a  petition  to  send 
out  for  a  lot  of  preachers  to  come  and  hold  revival  services. 
If  we  can  only  get  them  over  the  wall,  we  hope  there's  a 
future  for  Ingersollville  yet." 

The  six  months  ended.  Instead  of  opening  the  door, 
however,  a  tunnel  was  dug  under  the  wall  big  enough  for 
one  person  to  crawl  through  at  a  time.     First  came  two 

bankrupt  editors,  followed  by  Colonel  I himself;  and 

then  the  whole  population  crawled  through.  Then  I 
thought,  somehow,  great  crowds  of  Christians  surrounded 
the  city.  There  was  Moody,  and  Hammond,  and  Earle, 
and  hundreds  of  Methodist  preachers  and  exhorters,  and 
they  struck  up,  singing  tcjgether, 

"  Come,  ye  sinners,  poor  and  needy." 
A  needier  crowd  never  was  seen  on  earth  before. 

I  conversed  with  some  of  the  inhabitants  of  the  aban- 
doned city,  and  asked  a  few  of  them  this  question: 

"  Do  you  believe  in  Hell?" 

I  can  not  record  the  answers;  they  were  terribly  orthodox. 

One  old  man  said,  "  I've  been  there  on  probation  for  six 
months,  and  I  don't  want  to  join." 

I  knew  by  that  he  was  an  old  Methodist  backslider.  The 
sequel  of  it  all  was  a  great  revival,  that  gathered  in  a 
mighty  harvest  from  the  ruined  City  of  Ingersollville. 


I 


^^^^^r^^X,^^        gT^^-t^^a^-x. 


[Photographed  by  Mosher.] 


L 


Dli.  8WAZEY'8  REPLY.  49 


DR.  SWAZEY'S  HEPLYo 


Momentary  View  of  Col.  Ingersoll  Through  the  Doctor's  Glass — 

The  Bible  on  the   Meridian — What  the  Doctor  Sees  in 

the  Great  Book. 

The  genial,  eloquent,  sensational,  unfair,  evasive  Colonel 
Ingersoll  has  come  and  gone.  ISTobody  has  been  alarmed. 
But  out  of  400,000  people  a  large  audience  was  found  to 
lauofh  with  him  at  Moses  and  the  Bible.  He  eschewed 
argument  altogether.  lie  did  not  attempt  to  instruct  any- 
body. He  had  only  a  campaign  speech  to  make  against — 
God.  Tliis  article  is  simply  an  invitation  to  any  fair- 
minded  doubter  to  consider  the  reasonableness  of  a  laugh 
at  the  Christian's  Bible.  Is  this  book  a  bad  book,  or  a 
silly  book,  just  fit  for  jeer  and  sarcasm  ?  Take  a  common- 
sense  view.  In  order  to  do  so,  it  is  necessary  to  take  a 
common-place  view,  to  bring  to  the  foreground  that  which 
all  assailants  like  to  leave  in  the  background,  namely,  that 
the  Bible  teaches  by  commandment  and  i^recept  only  that 
which  is  pure  and  good. 

Eelating  to  man's  duty  to  himself,  it  teaches  personal 
purity,  sexual  and  otherwise;  temperance  in  meats,  drinks, 
opinions  and  ambition,  responsiblencss  for  inclinations, 
thoughts  and  actions;  a  paramount  love  for  the  truth; 
courage  and  hopefulness  in  all  lawful  purposes;  self-im- 
provement, and  a  cheerful  enjoyment  of  the  good  things  of 
life.  Relating  to  man's  duty  to  others,  the  Bible  teaches 
honesty  between  man  and  man;  restitution  when  wrong 
has  been  done,  wittingly  or  unwittingly;  the  damnableuess 
4 


50  MISTAKES  OF  INOERSOLL. 

of  adultery,  seduction,  and  everything  that  violates  the 
purity  of  a  family  or  a  person;  the  forgiveness  of  injuries; 
a  charitable  view  of  human  actions,  including  patience  and 
forbearance,  mercj^;  the  duty  of  life-long  usefulness,  kind- 
ness and  helpfulness ;  a  genial  temper  in  social  and  business 
life;  obedience  to  magistrates;  and  a  multitude  of  minor 
virtues.  Eelating  to  the  moral  order  of  things,  the  Bible 
teaches  that  wrong-doing  is  unavoidably  the  way  of  sorrow, 
and  right-doing  the  way  of  happiness. 

These  teachings,  given  not  in  bald  outline,  but  in  fresh 
and  animated  pictures  and  discourses,  make  up  the  ethical 
system  of  the  Bible  from  the  first  lesson  of  the  antediluvian 
age  to  the  last  words  of  the  book,  which  are  against  whore- 
mongers, and  all  makers  and  lovers  of  a  lie,  and  in  praise 
of  all  who  are  just  and  good.  And,  still  further,  in  no 
instance  is  there  left  on  record  an  immoral  precept,  or  one 
which  impurity,  or  injustice,  or  dishonesty,  or  unkindness, 
or  selfishness  in  any  form  are  proposed.  There  is  no  mis- 
take in  that  direction.  Still  further,  we  challenge  any 
assailant  to  name  a  virtue,  acknowledged  to  be  such  by  the 
mass  of  mankind,  which  is  wanting  in  the  catalogue  of 
Bible  virtues.  The  ethical  system  is  as  complete  as  it  is 
pure,  as  comprehensive  as  it  is  sound  and  true,  absolutely 
covering  the  whole  area  of  man's  duty  to  himself  and  to 
his  fellow-man;  a  system  sounding  all  depths,  touching  the 
most  delicate  fibres  of  life,  and  without  a  flaw  or  an  omis- 
sion. Its  precepts  and  laws  come  in  their  own  order,  but 
they  all  appear  in  the  record  first  or  last.  The  Buddhistic 
"  decalogue  "  seems  to  have  been  in  advance  of  the  Mosaic 
in  this — that  it  had  two  commandments  wanting  in  the  lat- 
ter—-Thou  shaltnot  lie,"  "  Thou  shalt  not  get  drunk." 
But  these  comniandments,  although  not  in  our  own  deca- 
logue, are  written  over  and  over  again  in  the  Old  Testament 
as  well  as  the  JSIew.  And  yet  once  more  the  moral  require- 


DR.  SWAZEY'S  ME  PLY.  51 

ments  of  the  Bible,  are  as  clear  of  puerilities  as  they  are  of 
impurity  or  oblique  vision.  The  Buddhistic  decalogue 
steps  right  down  to  a  moral  weakness  of  which  the  Bible  is 
never  guilty.  "  Thou  shalt  not  visit  dances  nor  theatrical 
representations."  "  Thou  shalt  not  use  ornaments  nor  per- 
fumery in  dress." 

Occultation  ot  Ingersoll's  Good  Sense — General  Survey  of  Deities 
— Scope  of  Divine  Revelation. 

]^ow  the  common-sense  question  occurs  whetner  a  book 
containing  such  a  system,  always  teaching  men  what  is 
good  and  pure,  always  warning  him  against  evil,  and 
encouraging  him  to  be  a  strong,  sound,  pure,  complete  man 
in  everything,  is  worthy  of  sneers,  ribaldry  and  irrever- 
ence, even  though  it  were  full  of  unbelievable  fables  and 
fantastic  ideas  of  immortality.  In  what  spirit  can  a  com- 
pany of  people  shout  their  applause  when  a  book  whose 
lines  of  thought  are  always  leading  a  man  above  himself 
is  made  the  target  of  sarcasm  and  ridicule,  and  the  cry  is 
almost  in  so  many  words,  "  Down  with  the  Bible!"  Let 
us  go  a  little  beyond  the  strictly  ethical.  The  general  ideas 
of  our  Bible  about  God  commend  themselves  to  the  best 
wisdom  of  mankind.  We  make  no  reference  now  to  any 
sect  of  theologies,  but  to  the  theological  atmosphere  both 
of  the  Old  and  New  Testaments,  namely,  that  God  is, 
and  being  the  Creator,  the  life  and  force  of  all  things,  in 
other  words,  as  our  Bible  has  it,  the  Living  God,  superin- 
tends all  human  affairs.  As  a  Creator  ILe  has  not  forgotten 
His  work;  as  a  Father  Lie  is  always  mindful  of  His  off- 
springs; and  caring  for  man  is  leading  him  on  by  a  great 
hope  to  a  great  inheritance;  that  His  face  is  against  evil 
doing,  that  He  smiles  on  all  whostriv^e  to  be  just  and  good, 
and  that  in  sorrow  and  want  and  temptation  He  folds  to 
His  great  heart  a  righteous  and  even  a  repentant  man;  and 


53  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

as  the  shuttle  goes  back  and  forth,  knitting  into  each  other 
the  soiled  and  blood-stained  threads,  lie  is  weaving  there- 
from a  garment  of  light  for  mankind;  that  superstition, 
despotism,  slavery  and  war  are  only  other  names  for  His 
patience,  while  man  is  learning  the  great  lesson.  This  is 
the  Bible  interpretation  of  the  incomprehensible  Cause  and 
Spirit  of  the  universe,  that  He  is  alive,  and  the  Father  and 
Friend  of  man  now,  and  will  have  some  more  for  him  after 
the  years  have  rolled  by. 

Suppose,  now,  it  be  all  untrue,  is  there  not  something  in 
this  dream  or  conceit  that  should  bring  a  sigh  rather  than 
a  sneer  from  the  heart  of  the  unbeliever?  The  god  of 
Brahmanism  is  an  abstraction  without  attributes,  the  great 
nothing  of  the  universe.  Much  the  same  is  true  of  Budd- 
hism, only  in  another  way.  It  has  law  and  virtue,  but  no 
God  of  love,  and  asks  no  trust  or  faith.  The  same  is  true 
in  the  unchanging  i-ound  which  knows  no  spirit  above  and 
no  hope  below,  taught  by  Confucius  to  his  disciples.  The 
religion  of  the  Persians  presented  a  god  who  had  a  devil- 
god  for  a  yokefellow,  keeping  up  the  eternal  and  never- to- 
be-ended  quarrel  of  good  and  evil.  Our  Bible  begins  with 
the  idea  that  God  is  one  God,  the  only  and  the  Su])reme, 
and  ends  with  this  one  God  sending  angels  down  to  say  to 
the  weary  world,  "  Peace  on  earth  good  will  to  men." 
Away  beyond  all  the  faiths  and  all  the  Bibles  held  sacred 
by  mankind,  ours  alone  declares  that  man  is  not  an  orphan, 
that  good  and  evil  are  not  eternal  antagonisms,  in  other 
words,  that  the  Great  Supreme  is  our  Father  in  Heaven. 
True  or  false,  wisdom  has  taught  nothing  more  inspiriting  or 
helpful  to  man.  Neither  imagination  nor  credulity  has  else- 
where painted  a  vision  so  attractive,  or  out  of  the  ''silences-' 
and  "  eternities,"  and  mysteries,  whispered  so  good  a  word 
in  the  ears  of  mortals.  This  idea  of  lordship  and  father- 
hood is  not  incidental.     It  runs  through  every  narration. 


DR.  SWAZET\S  REPLY.  53 

is  implied  in  every  precept,  and  re-affirraed  in  every  prom- 
ise. And  even  if  it  be  beyond  proof  it  makes  the  whole 
Bible  at  least  a  golden  dream. 

Suppose  now  one  does  not  take  as  absolutely  and  histor- 
ically true  the  story  of  Adam's  rib  and  the  woman,  or  of 
the  fish  swallowing  a  man  and  throwing  him  unhurt  on  the 
shore,  does  not  the  high  moral  tone  of  every  command 
and  every  precept  everywhere  illumined  by  [this  pure  and 
golden  dream,  entitle  this  book  to  the  reverence  of  man- 
kind? And  especially  since  by  the  common  consent  the  idea 
of  virtue  in  our  Bible  goes  beyond  the  miuiy  excellent 
things  of  Confucius,  Zoroaster  and  the  other  sacred  writers 
of  other  religions,  and  its  idea  of  the  "  living  God  "  sur- 
passes in  purity  and  attractiveness,  and  in  consolation  and 
hope,  all  other  religions,  is  not  this  purest  blossom  of  the 
instinct,  if  you  please  to  call  it  so,  of  duty  and  faith,  of 
inestimable  value  as  the  guide  and  liope  of  man,  even 
though  it  were  overlaid  with  ten-fold  more  difficulties  than 
the  most  ingenious  scoffer  can  present?  Or,  if  it  is  not 
reliable  as  a  guide,  is  it  not  worthy  of  reverence  as  the 
proudest  achievement  of  the  hungry  mind  of  man? 

The  Great  Central  Figure — Absolute  Unity  of  the  Bible  System. 

Still  further,  this  Bible  has  for  its  central,  or  rather  ter- 
minal, figure  a  name  so  remarkable  that  none  but  the 
obscene  and  profane  use  it  lightly,  a  man  so  remarkable 
that  whatever  the  skeptic  may  say  of  Moses  or  Paul,  his 
tongue  would  refuse  its  office  should  he  attempt  to  catalogue 
the  mistakes  of  Jesus  of  Nazareth.  Yoltaire,  Diderot, 
Bolingbroke,  Strauss,  Eenan,  all  speak  reverently  of  this 
One  Man  of  history.  And  yet  the  whole  New  Testament 
is  built  up  on  the  sayings  and  doings  of  this  Man.  And 
not  the  New  Testament  only.  The  Jewish  scriptures,  full 
of  errors  or  not,  were  full  of  the  ideas  of  a  Messiah,  tVom 


54  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

Moses  to  Malachi.  And  this  marvelous  man  claimed  that 
He  was  that  Messiah.  So  that  the  Old  Testament,  as  well, 
is  a  record  of  various  forms  pointing  to  this  Man.  I  raise 
here  no  question  of  the  truth  of  prophecy;  I  simply  affirm 
that  this  Man,  whose  purity  and  wisdom  are  so  singularly 
impressive,  claimed  to  ^e  the  fulfillment  of  those  old 
writings,  identified  Himself  with  Moses  and  David  and 
Isaiah,  and  sanctified  the  great  current  of  thought  which 
from  the  mouths  of  these  men  flowed  along  the  shores  of 
that  elder  world.  So  that  to  revile  the  old  Bible  of  the 
Jews  is  to  revile  Him.  There  is  no  scholar,  orthodox  or 
liberal,  believing  or  skeptical,  who  docs  not  identify  the 
phenomenon  of  Christianity  with  the  phenomenon  of 
Judaism.  Out  of  the  soil  of  Judaic  history  sprung  this 
purer  growth — Jesus  and  the  things  He  taught. 

I  suggest,  therefore,  that  before  one  joins  in  the  laugh 
against  a  religion  which  was  founded  long  anterior  to  any 
other  historical  records  than  its  own,  he  pause  a  little, 
remembering  that  this  remarkable  Man,  who  has  not  yet 
become  antiquated,  quoted  those  old  books  as  His  Bible, 
and  doubtless  had  a  tolerable  understanding  of  their  mean- 
ing and  worth.  And,  perhaps,  if  He  whose  sermon  on  the 
mount  is  yet  as  fresh  in  the  nineteenth  century  as  though 
it  were  uttered  to-day,  found  a  vein  of  precious  ore  in 
those  books,  those  same  veins  may  be  yet  visible  in  our 
time, 

The  Bible  Law  of  Development  vb.  Infidel  Philosophy. 

I  have  given,  you  will  perceive,  room  for  a  large  amount 
of  the  unaccountable  and  incredible  in  a  Bible  worthy  of 
reverence.  In  fact,  there  is  no  occasion,  except  in  the 
peculiarity  of  some  men's  minds,  to  allow  so  much.  There 
is  a  passage  in  the  Bible  that  is  descriptive  of  the  kingdom 
of  Heaven,  and  reads  thus:  ''  First  the  blade  and  then  the 


DR.  SWAZBTS  REPLY.  55 

ear,  and  after  that  the  full  corn  in  the  ear."  The  Bible 
here  gives  the  key  to  itself.  It  is  a  statement  of  the  law  of 
development,  intellectual  and  moral.  An  observation  of 
the  Bible  from  the  standpoint  of  this  law  discovers  an 
answer  to  the  objections  that  are  just  now  brought  against 
our  sacred  Book.  Col.  Ingersoll  and  men  of  his  style  of 
criticism  (and,  I  am  sorry  to  say,  some  j)i'eachers,  also,) 
quote  a  verse  from  Genesis  precisely  as  though  the  same 
words,  or  the  same  event,  were  found  in  the  Gospels. 
They  judge  an  act  or  a  usage  recorded  in  the  Pentateuch 
precisely  as  though  it  were  found  in  the  Acts  of  the  Apos- 
tles. They  make  no  allowance  for  the  stage  of  human 
progress.  They  would  teach  a  child  surveying  before  he 
had  learned  the  multiplication  table.  They  talk  about 
"  skulls  "  as  indicating  progress,  but  God  must  needs  put 
the  same  ideas  into  a  skull  of  the  Laurentian  period  that 
He  does  into  a  skull  of  to-day.  Otherwise,  God  is  worthy 
of  hate.  They  would  preach  the  doctrine  of  equality  on 
the  deck  of  a  man-of-war.  They  utterly  ignore  the  drill 
that  men  and  nations  need  in  coming  up  to  their  majority. 
They  would  suffer  the  rabble  in  a  court-room  to  vote  down 
the  decision  of  a  judge  on  the  bench.  The  men  who  are 
historically  connected  with  God's  order  of  things  must  dis- 
pense with  the  great  schoolmaster — experience.  Ideas 
must  spring  forth  complete,  like  Minerva.  Bafters  and 
dome  must  touch  the  skies  the  same  day  the  foundation 
stones  were  laid.  Those  are  the  ideas  with  which  a  certain 
class  of  critics  approach  the  Old  Testament.  If  a  people 
are  not  ripe  for  a  commonwealth,  and  God  gives  them  a 
king,  God  is  all  wrong.  If  a  people  are  become  a  great 
military  camp  and  Moses  proclaims  martial  law,  Moses  and 
his  God  are  monsters  of  cruelty.  If  there  are  no  jails,  no 
way  of  disposing  of  prisoners  of  war,  and  a  gentle  servi- 
tude is  the  substitute,  God  is  a  great  slave-driver.     If  men's 


56  MISTAKES  OF  INOERSOLL. 

lusts  are  so  greedy  that  even  the  best  of  them  want  more 
wives  than  one,  the  patience  of  God  with  the  slow  growth 
of  moral  ideas  is  translated  as  the  establishment  of  polyg- 
amy. If  a  people  are  so  vile  and  filthy  that  the  beasts  are 
clean  and  modest  in  comparison,  and  God  sends  an  army 
to  wipe  them  out  of  being,  we  are  pointed  to  the  white 
faces  of  women  and  children  lifted  on  the  crests  of  the 
divine  wrath! 

Common   Sense  View  of  the    Subject — How   it  Eliminates  Poly- 
gamy, Slavery,  etc. 

Common  sense,  in  asking  whether  the  Bible  is  worthy  of 
confidence  would  ask  whether,  as  matter  of  fact,  the  moral 
instruction  of  any  period  of  Bible  record  was  not  fully  up 
to  the  capacity  of  that  period  to  receive  it?  It  would  ask 
another  question — namely,  whether  a  divine  tuition  is  dif- 
ferent from  any  other,  except  that  it  is  more  skillful? — 
whether,  in  fact,  the  critics  who  compare  an  old  order  of 
things  with  the  highest  state  of  moral  development  are  not 
demanding  that  the  people  under  God's  training  shall  be  a 
miraculous  people,  throwing  ofi"  ])rejudices  as  they  do  a 
Winter  garment,  bearing  fruit  without  any  intermediate 
period  of  growth  and  blossom,  and,  in  general  terms,  upset- 
ting the  every  day  laws  of  progress.  It  is  this  idealism — 
than  which  nothing  is  more  irrational — which  creates  a 
large  share  of  the  moral  difficulties  of  the  Old  Testa- 
ment. It  is  the  insane  or  reckless,  the  idiotic  or  perverse 
tenacity  with  which  men  demand  that  the  divine  teaching 
must  not  suit  itself  to  the  time  in  which  it  was  given,  but 
must  always  be  up  to  the  ripest  periods  of  progress,  that 
gives  any  opportunity  for  the  objugations  of  men  who 
''  can  write  a  better  Bible  "  themselves  than  ours. 

The  two  great  charges  brought  against  the  Bible  are 
polygamy  and  slavery.      Now,  admit  that  in  all  stages, 


DB.  SWAZET'S  REPLY.  57 

from  the  chimpanzee  up  to  Darwin,  they  are  wrong  (which 
is  by  no  means  clear),  are  these  charges  true?  The  fact 
that  polygamy  and  slavery  existed  among  the  people  ^\ho 
were  under  drill  does  not  prove  it.  The  fact  that  there 
were  laws  regulating  either  of  these  practices  does  not 
prove  it.  A  law  regulating  the  social  evil  does  not  prove 
that  the  sovereign  people  who  make  the  laws  approve  the 
social  evil,  but  only  that,  if  men  and  women  will  go  wrong, 
society  must  put  up  some  defenses  against  corruption. 
Common  sense  inquires  whether  statutory  allowance  is  an 
indorsement.  And  if  that  Remarkable  Man,  commenting 
on  the  divorce  laws  of  Moses,  said  that  Moses  gave  those 
laws  because  the  people  could  not  bear  any  better  law^, 
common  sense  inquires  if  the  same  may  not  be  true  of 
other  recognized  usages  which  are  below  the  ideal  of  an 
advanced  age. 

And  when  one  rails  at  the  Bible  for  its  ill-treatment  of 
women,  the  railing  is  simply  gratuitous.  I  have  read  the 
Old  Testament  more  or  less  carefully  for  many  years,  but  I 
do  not,  at  this  writing,  remember  a  single  word  that  dis- 
honors woman  as  woman.  I  have  read  only  a  little  of 
Brahminical  writings,  but  I  remember  a  sentence  or  two 
about  women.  "  A  woman  is  never  fit  for  independence;" 
"  Women  have  no  business  with  the  text  of  the  Yeda. 
*  *  *  Sinful  women  must  be  as  foul  as  falsehood  itself. 
This  is  fixed  law."  Whether  in  the  last  quotation  it  is 
meant  that  there  is  no  purification  for  a  bad  woman,  or 
what  else,  I  do  not  know;  but  I  do  not  recall  anything  like 
it  in  the  Old  Testament.  Educated  common  sense  knows 
that  women  among  the  Hebrews  occupied  a  vastly  higher 
level  than  the  women  of  all  other  nations.  It  is  simply 
notorious,  that  with  all  the  lapses  from  virtue,  the  Hebrew 
women  were  as  white  as  snow  compared  with  the  women 
of  the  Gentile  world,  and  honor  goes  always  li.nul  in  linnd 
with  virtue. 


58  MISTAKES  OF  INOERSOLL. 


More    Common    Sense  —  The    Great    Ingersoll    Orb    Approaching 
the  Nihilistic  Belt  —  Nebulae. 

Common  sense  demands  that  in  judgment  of  the  moral 
worth  of  tlie  Bible,  it  be  taken  as  a  whole.  The  theory  of 
all  who  receive  the  Old  and  New  Testaments  is  that  they 
belong  together,  are  so  to  be  interpreted;  that  one  is  the 
beginning,  and  the  other  the  conclusion,  of  the  one  Bible. 
The  one  begins  in  the  "  Lauren tian  period,"  so  to  speak,  and 
follows  man  up  from  a  wild  nomad  to  wealth  and  empire, 
and  the  decay  of  empire;  the  moral  and  the  civil  law  blend- 
ing and  running  along  together  for  hundreds  of  years,  then 
separating  by  the  simple  explosion  of  the  civil  powers. 
The  other  takes  him  after  the  wounds  caused  by  the  explo- 
sion have  partly  healed,  and  puts  forth  mo^-al  ideas  unen- 
cumbered by  any  considerations  of  the  state.  The  former 
gave  moral  laws  to  the  Jew;  the  latter  moral  laws  to 
the  man;  everything  from  first  to  last  going  on  as  nat- 
urally as  the  building  of  a  city,  or  the  growth  of  a  tree. 
And  common  sense  should  inquire  how  it  happens,  that, 
while  the  great  army  of  scholars  who  have  studied  these 
systems,  believers  and  skeptics  alike,  have  been  filled  with 
admiration,  a  man  rises  up  now  and  then  to  vituperate  the 
logic  of  events  and  malign  the  great  God  because  He  has 
not  chosen  to  plant  a  tree  with  the  branches  in  the  ground 
and  the  roots  in  the  air. 

Common  sense  naturally  asks  what  the  meaning  of  this 
bitter  outbreak  may  be.  We  have  no  right  to  men's 
motives.  But  this  is  a  phenomenon,  the  cause  of  which 
wo  have  a  right  to  ask,  as  we  would  ask  the  cause  of  a  fall- 
ing meteor.  The  Bible  is  a  law  and  order  book.  It  teaches 
that  one  must  look  out  how  he  pulls  up  even  the  tares. 
Are  we  in  our  historic  orbit  passing  a  belt  of  nihilism,  a 
time  when  assassination  is  reform,  and  a  bad  shot  at  a  poor 


DR.  SWAZE7\S  JiEPLY. 


59 


czar,  inheriting  semi-barbarism  and   striving  with  all  his 
might  to  get  rid  of  the  inheritance,  is  to  be  lamented? 

You  may  be  told  that  it  is  the  horrid  theology  of  the 
Bible  which    provokes    assault.     Common    sense  remarks 
that,  horrid  as  its  theology  may  be,  its  sterner  features  are 
just  like   the  theology   of  nature,  namely,  a  demand  for 
obedience  to  law  and  '^  the   survival  of  the  fittest."     It  is 
nature  put  into  language,  the  operation   of  moral  causes 
foretold— that  is  all.     If  you  want  a  government  more  just 
than  one  which  judges  a  man  according  to  his  deeds,  good 
or  bad,  and  takes  into  account  his  knowledge  and  oppor- 
tunities, why,  the  thing  to  do  is  to  rail  at  nature,  at  cause 
and  effect,  at  seed-time   and  harvest.     For  while  on   the 
better  side  the  Bible  theology    is  more   beneficent   than 
nature,  on  the  hard  side  it  is  simply  unmitigated  natural 
law.     Do  the   theologians  preach  tliat  good  men  will  be 
damned  ?     Then  rail    at  the  theologians,   and  not  at  the 

Bible. 

In  closing  this  short  article,  as  an  addendum,  let  me  ask 
a  question ''or  two  for  the  benefit  of  all  who  have  a  bad 
opinion  of  the  Bible,  as  a  woman's  book  or  a  slave's  book. 

1  Forget  the  harem  of  Solomon,  and  say  why  Judaism 
was  a  house  of  refuge  for  thousands  of  Boman  and  Greek 
women,  many  of  them  of  noble  birth,  for  a  century  pre- 
ceding the  Christian  era  1 

2  In  the  same  line,  squarely,  has,  or  has  not.  the  mod- 
ern estate  of  woman  been  the  fruit  of  Christian  (mcluding 

Judaic)  teaching? 

3.  Did   not  the   Bible  first  mitigate  and  finally  destroy 

slavery  in  the  Eoman  empire  ? 

4  Did  not  the  Bible  destroy  slavery  in  England  and 
America?  Charge  all  the  slave-driving  you  will  to  Chris- 
tian  men,  and  give  any  unbeliever  all  he  clain^s,  and  then 
go  down  to  a  last  analysis. 


60  MISTAKES  OF  INGER80LL. 

5.  Are  not  republican  institutions,  including  (as  the  old 
republics  did  not;  democratic  ideas,  directly  and  palpably 
the  fruit  of  the  teachings  of  that  remarkable  Man  (whom 
the  French  infidels  called  the  Great  Democrat);  whose 
Bible  was  the  Old  Testament,  and  who  told  His  followers 
how  to  amend  and  finish  it  by  a  book  called  the  Kew  Test- 
ament ? 

In  whatever  way  these  questions  may  be  answered,  the 
man  who  essays  to  answer  them  will  find  that  it  is  not  so 
easy  to  eliminate  the  genius  of  Moses  and  Jesus  from  the 
genius  of  the  world's  movement  toward  virtue,  equality  and 
liberty. 

Tell  the  Prince  that  this  (  a  costly  copy  of  the  Bible )  is 
the  secret  of  England's  greatness. — Queen  Victoria, 

I  HAVE  always  said  and  always  will  say,  that  the  studious 
perusal  of  the  Sacred  Yolume  will  make  better  citizens, 
better  fathers  and  better  husbands. — Thomas  Jefferson. 

The  Bible  is  equally  adapted  to  the  wants  and  infirmi- 
ties of  every  human  being.  No  other  book  ever  addressed 
itself  so  authoritatively  and  so  pathetically  to  the  judgment 
and  moral  sense  of  mankind. — Chancellor  James  Kent. 

Christ  proved  that  He  was  the  Son  of  the  Eternal  by 
His  disregard  of  time.  All  His  doctrines  signify  only, 
and  the  same  thing,  eternity. — Napoleon  Bonaparte. 

I  HAVE  read  the  Bible  morning,  noon  and  night,  and 
have  ever  since  been  the  happier  and  better  man  for  such 
reading. — Edward  Burbles. 

I  DO  not  believe  human  society,  including  not  merely  a 
few  persons  in  any  state,  but  whole  masses  of  men,  ever 
has  attained,  or  ever  can  attain,  a  high  state  of  intelli- 
gence, virtue,  security,  liberty,  or  happiness  without  the 
Holy  Scriptures. —  Willtam  H.  SevKvrxl. 


[Photographed  by  Melander.j 


DM.  OOLLYEirS  liEJfLY. 


DIl.  COLLYER'S  REPLY. 


Dr.  Collyer  Relates  a  Little  Story — A  Book  that  cost  Mr.  Ingersoll 

the  Governorship  cf  Illinois — The  Volume  Philosophically 

Considered — Heavy  Blow^.s. 

I  HAVE  been  told  a  fi^entleman  went  to  see  Mr.  Ingersoll 
once,  when  he  lived  in  Peoria,  and  finding  a  fine  copy  of 
Yoltaire  in  his  library,  said,  "  Pray,  Sir,  what  did  this  cost 
you?"  ''  I  believe  it  cost  me  the  governorship  of  the  State 
of  Illinois,"  was  the  swift  and  pregnant  answer.  1  can  not 
but  recall  the  incident  as  he  stands  in  the  hght  of  his  lec- 
ture. He  seems  to  be  saying,  '*  it  is  my  turn  now,  and  I 
will  do  what  I  can  to  square  the  account.  I  will  dethrone 
jour  God  to-day  amid  peals  of  laughter;  blow  His  being 
down  the  wind  on  the  wings  of  my  epigrams.  I  have  those 
about  me  who  will  send  my  words  flying  all  over  the  state. 
I  will  start  a  crusade  which  will  shut  up  your  churches 
some  day,  silence  your  immemorial  prayers,  slay  all  the 
hopes  that  would  strive  after  something  more  than  this 
momentary  gleam  between  the  eternities,  make  of  no 
account  the  grand  deep  truth  that  '  life  struck  sharp  on 
death  makes  awful  lightning,'  and  so  dwarf  our  human 
kind  that  when  we  get  man  where  we  want  him  he  shall 
never  again  be  able  to  look  over  the  low  billows  of  his  green 
graves,  and  end  the  fight  by  making  my  own  creed  good 
once,  for  all  that 

Man,  God's  last  work,  who  seemed  so  fair. 
Such  splendid  purpose  in  his  eyes, 
Who  rolled  the  psalms  in  wiulry  skies, 

Who  built  him  fanes  for  fruitless  prayer. 


64  MISTAKES  OF  INOERSOLL. 

Who  trusted  God  was  love  indeed, 

And  love,  creation's  final  law ; 

Though  nature  red,  in  tooth  and  claw, 
With  raven,  shrieked  against  his  creed; 
Who  loved,  who  suffered  countless  ills, 

Who  battled  for  the  true  and  just. 

Is  blown  about  the  desert  dust. 
And  sealed  within  the  iron  hills." 

Now,  since  we  lirst  knew  Mr.  Ingersoll  by  report,  there 
has  been  a  time  when  those  who  can  only  believe  in  God  as 
a  rather  helpless  little  brother,  by  no  means  able  to  take 
care  of  Himself,  and  in  themselves  as  big  brothers,  who 
are  bound  to  stand  up  for  Him,  might  have  felt  there  was 
grave  danger  in  such  a  sight  as  we  have  witnessed — of  a 
vast  array  of  men  and  women,  some  of  them  it  is  fair  to 
believe  of  a  thoughtful  turn,  assembled  to  hear  the  last  and 
best  word  which  can  be  said  why  God  should  be  dethroned, 
and  His  presence  and  providence  numbered  among  the 
things  that  seemed  true  enough  once,  but  pass  away  inevit- 
ably in  the  process  through  which  we  arise  from  "  our  dead 
selves  to  higher  things." 

Sparks   Flying  in   all    Directions — Singular   Mental   Phenomenon 
Occasioned  by  $25,000  a  Year. 

He  was  clothed  once  in  a  fine  austerity;  went  on  his 
lonely  way  quite  content,  to  give  grave  and  serious  reasons 
for  rejecting  what  so  many  of  us  hold  dearer  than  our  life, 
and  was  faithful  to  his  instinct  and  insight,  though  such 
ovations  as  were  ever  given  him — as  Dr.  Dyer  used  to  say  of 
the  old  abolitionists — might  take  the  form  mainly  of  rotten 
eggs.  I  know  of  more  than  one  man,  who,  in  those  days, 
nourished  a  deep  and  most  tender  regard  for  him,  and 
found  something  noble  in  the  stand  he  made  for  the  best  a 
man  can  do  and  be,  who  has  to  abide  so  utterly  alone.  But 
Mr.  Ingersoll,  roystering  around  as  the  popular  advocate  of 


DR.  COLLYER'S  REPLY.  65 

atheism,  at  $25,000  a  year,  a^  the  common  report  goes, 
is  quite  another  sort  of  a  man.     No  doubt  the  laborer  is 
worthy  of  his   hire.     Those  who   run  the   thing  may  be 
trusted  to  see  to  that,  and  a  good  many  of  us  who  stand 
on  the  other  side  may  not  be  much  better,  according  to 
the  old  proverb  that  it  is  "money  makes  the  mare  go." 
Still,  as  this  always  turns  the  tine  edge  of  our  endeavor, 
and  makes  us  weak   for   good  when  we  make  it  at  all  a 
matter  of  barter  and  sale,  so  it  must  be  with  Mr.  Inger- 
soll,  making  him  weak  for  what  I  can  not  but  believe  to 
be  evil.     lie  is  no  more  in  such  a  case  than  the  second 
b>atch  of  reformers  in  the   old  times,  who  argned  lustily 
for  a  reformation,  while  still  they  grew  rich  on  the  Church 
lands.     No  more  than  your  Archbishop,  in  the  Church  of 
England,  arguing  on  the  godhness  of  tythes  and  priestly 
authority.       So  Mr.  Ingersoll,  in  motley,  trying  to  laugh 
the  deepest  and  most  sacred  convictions  of  men  down  the 
wind  under  the  guise  of  girding  at  the  Pentateuch  (for 
we  must  thank  him,  I  say  again,  for  the  frankness  with 
which  he  tells  us  this  is  his  ultimate  aim),  is  a  very  differ- 
ent man  to  the  quiet,  manful  fellow  we  used  to  hear  of  in 
Peoria  long  ago,  who  won  such  regard  from  those  who  could 
at  all  understand  him.     The  man  in  the  ring,  whose  sole 
business  it  is  to  make  you  laugh,  makes  no  converts  even  to 
rough  riding.     And  so  there  is  ground  for  neither  hope  nor 
fear,  as  we  stand  on  that  side  or  this,  about  the  advance  of 
atheism,  so  long  as  this  remains  as  the  best  method  of  its 
choicest  champions.     It  may  make  headway  with  such  men 
as  Voltaire  had  to   handle,  and    in    such  times;    but  this 
serious  and  deep  hearted  race  of  ours  never  did  take  to  this 
kind  of  thing,  and  never  will.     It  is  only  as  the  crackling 
of  the  thorns  under  a  pot. 

Nor  can  this  bitter  and  relentless  spirit  toward  those  who 
differ  help  the  advocates  of  atheism   any  umrti  llir.i!    ir  dues 
5 


I 


66  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

the  advocates  of  the  faith.  Robert  Southey  says,  in  a  letter 
to  Sharon  Turner,  touching  the  contentions  of  his  time 
between  the  sects,  "  When  I  liear  the  dissenters  talk  about 
Churchmen,  I  feel  like  a  very  high  Churchman  myself;  but 
when  I  hear  Churchmen  talk  about  dissenters,  I  feel  that  I 
am  a  dissenter,  too."  It  was  but  the  bias  of  a  nature,  in 
which  the  balances  w^ere  still  true,  in  favor  of  the  side  which 
was  dealt  with  most  unfairly.  The  plea  in  the  mind  of  one 
who  could  look  on  both  sides  with  a  calm  concern,  that  the 
result  of  fighting  over  the  lamp  should  not  be  to  put  out  the 
light,  or  of  contending  over  the  nature  and  properties  of  the 
spring  to  soil  the  water  so  that  no  one  could  drink  at  it,  be  he 
ever  so  athirst.  Lord  Bacon  says,  "  there  is  a  superstition 
in  avoiding  superstition,  when  those  think  they  do  best  w^ho 
go  farthest;  but  care  should  be  taken  that  the  good  should 
not  be  purged  away  with  the  bad,  which  commonly  happens 
when  this  is  the  method.''  So  I  think  it  must  be  with  sucli 
violent  and  utter  denunciation  as  this,  which  lies  within 
the  spirit  c»f  Mr.  Ingersoll's  address.  It  has  pleased  a  very 
bright  and  able  man  in  our  ranks  to  fall  into  accord  with 
him  in  many  things  he  has  to  say,  and  to  show  how  we 
also  hold  this  ground.  I  may  be  old-fashioned,  and  unfit 
for  a  fair  judgment,  but  I  am  very  much  of  Southey 's  mind, 
and  when  I  hear  orthodoxy  denounced  in  such  a  spirit,  I 
say  I  agree  with  Mr.  Ingersoll  nowhere.  Here  is  bigotry 
of  a  new  shape,  denouncing  bigots ;  and  I  sway  to  the  other 
side  for  very  charity,  and  the  desire  that  the  most  good  pos- 
sible should  be  found  in  any  evil,  and  especially  that  one 
should  think  as  well  as  possible  of  those  who  can  not  see  as 
we  do,  but  are  still  of  as  fine  and  clear  a  grain,  and  show 
as  noble  a  soul  of  self-sacrifice — that  uttermost  and  inner- 
most proof  a  man  can  give  that  he  believes  he  is  right. 


DR.  COLLY ERS  REPLY.  67 

The  Clear  Ring  of  Truth  vs.  the   Dull  Thud  of  the   Baser  Metal 

— Potency  of  Simple  Statement— The  Doctor's  Objections 

to  IngersoU's  Talk. 

IS'ow,  a  man  who  seeks  and  loves  the  trnth,  must  be 
esteemed  in  every  human  society;  but  so  far  as  my  own 
observation  goes,  the  most  of  our  fights  and  contentions 
carried  on  in  sucli  a  spirit  as  this  I  am  trying  to  touch, 
end  in  vast  clouds  of  dust  and  smoke,  in  which  the  clear, 
shining  sun  of  the  truth  turns  blood-red  to  our  human 
vision.  And  those  who,  even  with  the  best  intentions,  are 
forever  going  about,  as  we  say,  with  a  chip  on  their  shoul- 
der, are  likely  in  the  end  to  be  voted  a  common  nuisance. 
The  truth  must  be  told,  no  matter  who  gets  hurt;  the 
truth,  or  even  semblance  of  the  truth,  which  smites  the 
man  who  tells  it,  and  moves  his  heart  so  that  he  has  to  cry 
"  Woe  is  me  if  I  preach  not  this  Gospel  !"  But  the  truth 
still  comes  to  us  through  clear  and  simple  statements  which 
tell  their  own  story,  rather  than  through  denial,  denuncia- 
tion, satire,  slang,  and  appeals  to  the  top-gallery.  So 
Channing  thought,  and  the  result  is,  that  his  best  sermons 
are  simply  statements  of  the  truth  as  it  had  come  home  to 
his  own  heart  and  mind.  So  Parker  thought,  and  reading 
his  life  again,  just  now,  I  find  there  is  nothing  the  man 
longed  for  so  much  as  that  he  might  be  quiet,  and  just  let 
the  truth  dome  itself  in  his  great  fine  heart  and  brain,  while 
he  regrets  bitterly  the  evil  times  that  compelled  him  to 
take  to  other  methods;  and  the  best  work  he  ever  did  for 
the  deep,  still  truth,  are  statements.  So  John  Wesley 
thought,  when  once  he  struck  his  shining  path  from  earth 
to  heaven,  and  his  sermons  from  17-iO  to  17S0,  are  simi)ly 
statements  of  the  ever-growing  and  ever-brightening  truth 
God  is  revealing  to  man.  And  so  even  Calvin  thought, 
and  his  earliest  and  best  utterances  are  still  statements, 
grim,  hard,  iron-clinched,  but  all  the  same   the  stern  and 


68  MISTAKES  OF  INGEMSOLL. 

inexorable  affirmation,  made  good  for  all  time,  that  neither 
priest  nor  Pope  can  play  fast  and  loose  with  the  Most  High 
God.  Always  you  iind  the  greatest  and  best  men  w^hen 
they  themselves  are  at  their  best  making  statements,  exactly 
as  Jesus  does  in  the  sermon  on  the  mount.  Saying  what 
is  in  them  simply  and  sincerely,  feeling  sure,  as  Coleridge 
says,  that  "no  authority  can  ever  prevail  in  opj^ositiun  to 
the  truth."  So  Columbus  holds  himself  before  the  Council 
of  Salamanca,  when  a  new  world  is  in  debate.  So  Stephen- 
son holds  himself  before  the  House  of  Lords,  when  he  has 
to  answer  for  his  locomotive.  So  Newton  affirms  Iris  dis- 
covery of  the  law  of  gravitation  ;  and  Harvey,  that  of  the 
circulation  of  the  blood.  That  is  the  law  of  all  truth-tell- 
ing in  its  noblest  and  best  shape,  and  then  the  contention, 
if  there  is  one,  is  simply  the  hiss,  as  Stebbins,  of  California, 
said  once,  when  he  was  s])eaking  in  defence  of  the  Chinese, 
"is  simply  the  hiss  the  white-hot  truth  makes  when  it 
strikes  the  black  waters  of  hell.-' 

Here,  then,  is  my  radical  objection  to  Mr.  Ingersoll's 
talk,  apart  from  his  final  aim.  It  is  conceived  and  done  in 
a  narrow  and  most  bigoted  spirit,  by  one  who  claims,  above 
all  things  in  the  world,  to  be  free  from  bigotry.  The  men 
of  whom  he  speaks  so  unworthily  are,  take  them  by  and 
large,  worthy  men.  The  things  in  the  five  books  of  Moses, 
so  called,  on  which  the  fathers  based  their  creeds,  are 
rapidly  passing  into  worthier  meanings;  and  the  day  is  not 
far  distant  when  the  old  belief  will  have  rotted  down,  and 
be  as  when  an  old  tree  rots,  to  become  the  nursing  mother 
of  a  bed  of  violets.  No  man  believes  in  such  things  any 
more,  who  has  read  and  thought  to  any  purpose;  and  the 
man  who  has  not  done  this,  had  far  better  believe  in  the 
six  days'  work  and  one  day's  rest,  rib,  serpent,  fall,  flood, 
ark,  manna,  and  all  the  rest  of  those  wonders,  than  in  Mr. 
IngersoU's  enorTuous  and  most  fatal  negation  of  God. 


DR.  COLLY ERS  ME  FLY.  69 

Putting    the    Fine    Edge    on    Orthodoxy — Taking    a    Weld   with 
Prof.  Swing  and  Dr.  Thoma'^ — Borax  and  Bigotry. 

JSTor  is  that  bad  and  bitter  spirit  in  orthodoxy  now  which 
once  found  utterance  in  fire  and  the  axe,  as  it  did  in  far 
more  ruthless  wars  in  atheism  wlien  tlie  goddess  of  Rea- 
son was  the  divinity  of  France.  Ortliodoxy,  in  a  free-spoken 
land  like  ours,  is  very  civil,  indeed,  and  tiniia,  as  I  think, 
almost  to  a  fault,  showing  just  the  spirit  which  is  no^  sure 
the  ground  may  not  slip  from  under  it  any  moment;  and 
so  far  as  its  finest  leaders  go  edging  away  from  the  rocking 
base,  as  fast  and  as  far  the  people  for  whom  those  men  h.ive 
to  care  will  follow.  E"othing  could  be  more  gentle  than 
the  way  orthodoxy  used  Brother  Swing.  He  was  no  more 
orthodox  than  you  are.  He  might  not  think  so,  but  that's 
the  truth,  patent  to  the  whole  world.  Yet  the  church  to 
which  he  was  preaching,  and  the  old  standbys,  as  we  call 
them,  said,  "  This  is  what  we  are  here  for,  and  have  laid 
out  our  money  and  time  for,  and,  if  you  go  back  far 
enouofh,  it  is  what  our  fathers  shed  their  blood  fur.  Dr. 
Swing  must  be  true  to  his  ancient  vows,  or  leave.''  If  3.1r. 
Ingersoll  should  ever  lay  out  his  money,  and  those  of  his 
mind  put  theirs  to  it,  to  build  a  great  hall  in  AYashington 
or  Chicago  for  the  pro};agation  of  atheism,  and  employ  a 
man  to  preach  to  them,  and  then  if  this  man  should  depart 
as  fiir  backward  from  their  way  of  thinking  as  Brother 
Swing  departed  forward  from  that  of  the  Presbyterians, 
they  will  be  much  more  catholic  and  inclusive  than  I  think 
they  are  if  they  use  that  man  as  gently. 

I  do  not  mention  this  for  proof  of  my  word  that  ortho- 
doxy is  getting  to  be  very  civil — indeed,  gentle,  timid,  and 
even  wanting  in  a  proper  courage  to  take  care  of  its  own 
household,  if  we  are  to  judge  from  the  half-and-half  meas- 
ures they  are  taking  with  Mr.  Talmadge,  in  Brooklyn,  and 
the  way  in  which  they  let  him  smite  them  on  the  mouth. 


70  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

Orthodoxy  has  exchanged  tlie  old  fetters  of  iron  for  silken 
bands  with  an  elastic  base.  Brother  Thomas,  my  dear  and 
good  friend,  has  no  right  to  preach  in  a  Methodist  pulpit, 
and  in  the  days  I  remember,  would  not  have  preached  in 
one  to  this  time.  There  must  be  a  certain  concert  of  opin- 
ion, capable  of  being  brought  within  fair  lines,  or  nobody 
would  organize  or  hold  anything.  This  is  the  secret  of  our 
most  happy  relation  through  all  these  years  in  this  church. 
We  hold  together  through  a  large,  free,  common  opinion 
about  certain  grand  verities.  I  should  injure  my  own 
nature  if  I  went  over  those  lines.  Yet  men  are  continually 
going  over  them  in  the  orthodox  churches.  But  they  bear 
and  forbear,  scold  a  little,  fret  a  good  deal,  and  trust  the 
brother  may  see  things  different  presently  or  depart  in 
peace,  and  then,  when  there  is  no  help  for  it,  they  lift  him 
very  gently  out  of  the  fold. 

Xor  is  the  scorn  Mr.  Ingersoll  pours  out  on  these  ancient 
books  befitting  any  man  who  could  feel  his  way  to  their 
heart,  apart  from  any  theory  of  inspiration  or  the  use  made 
of  them  to  hinder  human  progress.  It  is  the  spirit  of  the 
Caliph  he  shows,  who,  when  the  question  came  up  what 
should  be  done  with  a  superb  library,  said,  "Burn  it;  what- 
ever is  against  the  Koran  ought  to  be  burnt,  and  whatever 
agrees  with  the  Koran  is  not  needed."  With  some  such 
narrow  vision  he  would  judge  these  venerable  monuments 
of  the  most  ancient  time;  make  an  end  of  them  to  human 
credence;  get  them  branded  for  worthless  in  the  interests 
of  human  reason;  and  order  himself  toward  chem  as  if  an 
iconoclast,  looking  over  the  treasures  of  the  Louvre,  should 
note  only  what  is  grotesque  or  painful,  while  he  missed 
what  is  most  beautiful  and  entrancino:.  tumble  the  whole 
into  a  heap,  and  burn  it  into  ashes  and  lime.  Men  have 
misused  these  books,  there  can  be  no  doubt  of  that,  and 
turned  some  parts  of  them   into   bane,  which,  well  used, 


DR.  COLLY ERS  REPLY.  71 

TQight  bring  blessing.  So  thev  tell  me,  tliere  is  no  place 
that  can  match  Peoria  in  its  power  to  turn  good  grain  into 
whisky;  tlierefore,  shovel  Peoria  into  the  river,  and  leave 
the  smiling  prairies  where  the  grain  grows,  a  waste. 

]^[otliing  in  the  world  shows  a  man  s  limitations  so  fatally 
as  the  play  of  this  power  which  can  not  or  will  not  distin- 
guish between  the  use  and  the  abuse  of  things,  or  will  over- 
look the  abiding  good  because  of  the  transient  evil.  "We 
tolerate  it  easily  in  the  child  who  turns  in  wrath  on  the 
chair  against  which  he  has  bruised  himself;  we  look  twice 
at  the  man  who  does  this,  and  then  draw  our  own  conclu- 
sion. I  have  been  told,  on  good  authority,  that  Mr.  Inger- 
soll,  in  his  childhood  and  his  early  youth,  did  get  badly 
bruised  against  these  books.  Well,  the  books  have  to  take 
it  now;  but  is  this  the  sign  of  a  large  and  a  gracious  mind? 
One  would  think  he  might  have  gotten  over  it  before  this, 
and  come  to  understand  them  better  than  mere  instruments 
of  hurt.  I  can  agree  in  nothing  touching  the  Bible  and 
the  soul's  life  with  the  man  who  tells  me  his  aim  is  to 
damage  or  destroy  the  faith  of  man  in  God,  to  the  best  of 
his  ability;  but  if  this  was  out  of  the  way,  one  might  not 
object  to  his  antagonism  to  the  misuse  of  Moses  by  tliose 
who  think  they  do  God  service.  Still,  in  any  case,  I  find 
too  much  beauty  in  the  books  to  allow  me  to  touch  them 
with  irreverent  hands.  They  are  simply  above  all  stand- 
ards of  value,  with  which  I  measure  other  books  outside  the 
Scriptures,  in  the  revelation  they  make  to  me  of  the  way 
men  felt  their  way  toward  a  sure  faith  in  God  in  those  old 
times,  and  so  grew,  in  many  instances,  to  be  very  noble  and 
good  at  last,  and,  as  I  have  said,  of  the  way  in  which  they 
tried  to  account  for  this  wonderful  and  mysterious  universe 
in  which  they  found  themselves  when  they  had  "  learned 
the  use  of  I  and  me,  and  said  '  I  am  not  what  I  see,  and 
.other  than  the  things  I  tuuch.'  "     Xor  would   I  lose  one  of 


73  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

the  wonders.     They  all  tell  us  something  we  want  to  know 
about  the  working  of  the  human  mind. 

That  is  a  very  poor  and  rude  matter  I  treasure  in  my 
study;    a  broken   vase  of  gray  clay,  with   a  few  fishbone 
marks  on  it;  but  if  there  was   not  another  of  them  in  the 
world   I  would  not  exchange  it  for  the  Portland  vase,  for 
this  reason:     That  on  a  day,  so  remote  I  can  not  strike  it, 
some  poor  savage  made  that  vase  in  my  little  town,  to  hold 
the  dust  of  some  one  dear  to  him,  put  those  marks  on  it  for 
a  token  of  what  was  in  his  mind,  and  then  made  a  little 
vault  and  hid  it  away  until  the  sun  of  this  century  should 
shine  on  it,  and  when  I  hold  that  vase,  I  find  a  trace  of  the 
man  who  had  else  been  lost.     There  is  the  faint  beat  of  a 
human  heart  lingering  in  the  clay,  and  a  dim  remembrance 
of  tears,  and  the  marks,  and  as  if  they  should  open  my  o-rave 
two  thousand  years  from  now,  and  find  the  white  cross  still 
fresh  on   my  coffin,  and  say,    '^Tender,  loving  hands  laid 
that  there,  let  us  deal  with  it  tenderly/'     These  rude  and 
half-shapen  things  in  the  old  books  are  the  clue  to  the  man 
who   made   them,  and  how  he   felt,  and  what  he  thought. 
I  would  not  spare  the  least  letter  out  of  them,  but  would 
scan  them  in  all  reverence,  let  who  will  scorn  them.     They 
all  belong  to  our  human  history,  and  i^.  is  only  their  mis- 
fortune they  have  ever  been  misused.     They  are  included 
in  the  saying  of  the  great  and  wise  German,  that  the  Bible 
begins  nobly  with  Paradise,  the  symbol  of  Faith,  and  con- 
cludes with  the  eternal  kingdom ;  and  with  the  grand,  sweet 
word  of  Thomas  Carlyle:     '*  In  the  poorest  cottage  there  is 
one  book  wherein,  for  thousands  of  years,  the  spirit  of  man 
has  found    light   and    nourishment,    and    an    interpreting 
response    to    whatever    is   deepest   in    him.      The    Book 
wherein  to  this  day  the  eye  that  will  look  well  the  mystery 
of  existence  reflects  itself,  and  if  not  to  the  satisfving  of 
the  outward  sense,  yet  to  the  opening  of  the  inward  sense, 
which  is  the  far  grander  result." 


DR.  COLLYER'8  ME  PLY.  73- 

A    Touching   Illustration — Eloquence    and    Truth — Havelock's 

Saints. 

Of  the  doctrine  advanced  by  Mr.  IngersoU,  and  his  pur- 
pose to  have  done  vt^th  the  God  Jesus  believed  ;,i,  and 
show  reason  why  we  should  have  done  with  Ilim,  there  is 
nothing  to  say  if  I  have  not  said  it  steadily  these  many 
years.  A  remark  of  Charles  Hare  strikes  me  forcibly  as  I 
read  the  fevr  words  that  are  said  on  this  matter,  in  the 
address,  "There  is  no  being  eloquent  for  atheism.  In  that 
exhausted  receiver  the  mind  can  not  use  its  wings — the 
clearest  proof  that  it  is  out  of  its  element."  For  when  I 
consider  how  eloquent  Mr.  IngersoU  has  been  at  times,  and 
the  moving  cause  of  it,  I  can  see  that  he  also  must  answer 
to  this  law.  He  never  said  grander  words  than  those  about 
our  boys,  their  mighty  heart,  and  utter  self-sacrifice,  for  the 
noblest  ends.  But  there  never  was  anything  done  since 
the  world  stood,  in  which  the  presence  of  God  could  be 
traced,  and  his  power  felt  more  clearly,  nor  did  ever  men 
make  such  sacrifice  with  a  devouter  sense  that  God  was 
within  it  all,  than  those  most  worthy  his  grand  and  touch- 
ing eulogium.  ^'  Call  out  Havelock's  saints,''  Sir  Archi- 
bald Campbell  shouted,  when  hope  was  almost  dead  in  the 
great  Sepoy  rebellion  in  India.  Something  must  be  done, 
and  done  on  the  swift  instant,  or  there  would  be  more  woful 
work  among  the  women  and  children.  Call  out  Havelock's 
saints,  tJiey  are  sure  to  be  ready,  and  they  are  never  dniTdc. 
They  were  of  the  sort  that  carry  a  Bible  in  their  knapsack, 
and  turn  to  chapter  and  verse,  and  sing  ])salms  from  c>ld 
Rouse's  version  to  Dundee  and  Elgin,  and  the  Martyrs, 
and  nourish  their  hearts  on  stories  of  the  way  stout  battles 
were  fought  and  grand  martyrdoms  endured  for  God  among 
the  moors.  Call  out  Havelock's  saints,  they  are  jdways 
ready,  and  never  get  drunk,  and  they  do  fight  like  the  very 
angels.     They  were   but  the  brothers  of  the  great,  simple 


74  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

souls  wlio  fought  at  Ball's  Bluff,  and  in  scores  of  battles 
beside,  while  mothers  and  sisters  did  the  praying  for  the 
moment,  for  they  had  no  time  except  just  to  look  up  and 
hear  that  voice  in  the  heart  sav,  "  Steady,  my  boy,  steady, 
you  are  of  a  grand  stock,  you  must  tell  a  grand  story. 
And  they  told  it,  and  at  the  heart  of  it  all  was  God,  and  a 
new  life  for  the  nation,  and  in  time  a  new  civilization  that 
shall  shed  its  blessing  on  the  whole  waiting  world. 

Atheism — Not  an  Institution  but  a  "  Destitution ! " — The  True  Life. 

I  have  no  stones  to  throw  at  atheism  any  more  than  I 
have  stones  to  throw  at  blindness.  It  can  never  be  more 
than  a  very  sore  and  sad  limitation,  not  an  institution,  but 
a  destitution.  This  Anglo-Saxon  nature  is  not  good  soil 
for  it;  no  arguments  can  make  it  take  hold  and  grow  in  us 
any  more  than  arguments  can  make  roses  take  hold  and 
grow  on  Aberdeen  granite.  Kor  have  I  any  exhortation 
save  this:  That  as  we  stand  as  pioneers  of  the  noblest  and 
fairest  faith  we  can  reach,  a  faith  which  throws  no  strands 
to  stay  itself  on  the  fall,  or  the  flood,  or  the  manna,  or  the 
sun,  standing  still,  or  any  of  these  old  wonders,  but  just 
fronts  the  light  and  drinks  it  in,  we  shall  grow  ever  more 
worthy  to  prove  God's  presence  in  the  world,  by  revealing 
it  in  our  life,  and  in  the  work  he  has  given  us  to  do.  There 
is  no  argument  like  that  which  lies  within  a  sweet  and  true 
life  which  looks  to  God  forever  for  its  inspiration  and  its 
joy.     Let  ns  be  right  worthy  of  our  faith. 

Then  shall  this  Western  Goth, 

So  fiercely  practical,  so  keen  of  eye, 

Find  out  some  day  that  nothing  pays  but  God. 

Served  whether  iu  the  smoke  of  battle  field, 

In  work  obscure  done  honestly — or  vote 

For  truth  unpopular — or  faith  maintained, 

To  ruinous  convictions — or  good  deeds, 

Wrought  for  good's  sake,  heedless  of  heaven  or  hell. 


FBED,  PERR7  POWERS'  REPLY.  75 


rHED.  PERHY  POWERS'  REPLY. 


The   Sinaitic   Code — Solvent  Powers  of  the  Historic   Method  — 
Graphic  Illustration  of  the  Two  Schools. 

Christianity,  like  a  fortress  on  an  open  plain,  is  liable  to 
attack  from  opposite  directions.  But  it  is  well  for  the  at- 
tacking parties  to  remember  that  columns  of  argument  do 
not,  like  columns  of  soldiers,  co-operate  when  moving  in 
opposite  directions.  Christianity  is  not  to  be  disposed  of 
by  proving  that  at  the  same  time  it  is  and  is  not  a  certain 
thing. 

The  "historic  method,"  like  every  new  journal,  seems 
"to  meet  a  long-felt  want."  It  has  been  clutched  greed- 
ily and  employed  in  every  conceivable  L^iape.  It  proves  not 
only  that  whatever  is  is  right,  but  that  whatever  was  was 
right,  and  whatever  will  be  will  be  right.  It  has  been  car- 
ried to  a  point  where  it  undermines  personal  responsibility, 
and  with  it  Mr.  Herbert  Spencer,  in  the  conclusion  of  his 
Sociology,  enjoins  the  reformer  and  the  philanthropist  trom 
activity.  It  eliminates  ethical  considerations  from  the 
mind  of  the  historian.  It  closes  the  eyes  of  society  to  the 
vices  of  its  members,  and  it  lays  its  hand  upon  the  mouth  of 
the  judge  before  whom  stands  a  man  who,  as  the  resulr  of 
antecedents,  and  in  the  natural  effort  to  harmonize  himself 
with  his  environment,  has  committed  murder. 

Xow,  it  is  a  little  singular  that  this  invaluable  historic 
method  should  be  a  legitimate  weapon  against  the  church, 
but  an  illegitimate  weapon  for  the  church.  If  the  church 
is  to  be  allowed  to  use  this  weapon  freely  it  will  have  no 


76  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

difficulty  In  making  a  perfect  defense  for  itself,  its  predeces- 
sor and  all  of  its  members,  no  matter  liow  wild  or  wicked. 
The  historic  method  is  a  solvent  in  which  the  inqui- 
sition disappears,  and  which  at  once  removes  those  spots  on 
the  robe  of  religious  history,  the  wars  and  massacres  of  the 
Israelites.  I  have  no  disposition  to  make  any  such  exten- 
sive use  of  the  historic  method  as  this.  But  all  matters  of 
history  are  to  be  studied  as  historical,  not  as  contempora- 
neous. And  it  is  in  the  last  degree  uncandid  for  the  oppo- 
nents of  Christianity  to  make  the  extremest  use  of  the  his- 
toric method  when  it  suits  their  purpose,  and  then,  in 
dealing  with  religious  history,  eliminate  ordinary  historic 
perspective.  In  this  latter  particular  the  enemies  of  the 
church  are  not  alone.  The  Reformation  brouo^ht  in  a  re- 
vival  of  Judaism,  and  a  large  section  of  Protestant  Chris- 
tianity resolutely  closes  its  eyes  to  the  fact  that  the  Mosaic 
dispensation  was  given  several  thousand  years  ago,  and  to  a 
race  wholly  diflerent  in  its  position  from  any  now  existing. 
The  Mosaic  dispensation  is  not  the  only  thing  treated  in 
this  way.  The  directions  given  by  St.  Paul  to  a  particular 
church  at  a  particular  date  are  constantly  appealed  to  in 
the  churches  as  universal  law,  applicable  to  all  churches 
and  throughout  all  ages.  If  a  picture  with  a  man  in  the 
foreground  and  an  elephant  in  the  background  were  shown 
to  two  savages,  one  of  whom  knew  something  about  ele- 
phants, and  the  other  of  whom  did  not,  the  former  would 
insist  upon  it  that  the  artist  was  a  ignoramus  for  painting 
an  elephant  smaller  than  a  man,  and  the  other  would  con- 
clude that  man  was  a  laro^er  animal  than  an  elcnhant,  be- 
cause  he  appeared  so  in  the  picture.  The  former  repre- 
sents a  school  of  atheists  who  attack  the  ethics  of  the  Sina- 
itic  code,  and  the  latter  represents  a  school  of  devout  be- 
lievers who,  receiving  the  Sinaitic  code  as  a  matter  of  rev- 
elation, feel  compelled  to  defend  it  as  the  truth  and  noth- 


FRED.  PERRY  POWERS'  REPLY.  77 

ing  but  the  truth,  and  the  truth  fur  ail  times  and  aii  places. 
It  is  worth  while  to  remember  at  the  verj  outset  what  both 
parties  to  the  war  waged  over  the  ethics  of  the  Pentateuch 
seem  disposed  to  ignore,  that  what  are  now  denounced  as 
the  errors  of  the  Sinaitic  code  were  pointed  out  mure  than 
eio-hteen  hundred  years  a^^o  by  the  hiofhest  authority  rec- 
ognized  by  the  Christian  world. 

In  the  Sermon  on  the  Mount  Jesus  Christ  used  the  fol- 
lowing language: 

Ye  have  heard  that  it  hath  been  said,  an  eye  for  an  eye,  and  a  tooth  for 
a  toeth.  But  I  say  unto  you,  That  ye  resist  not  evil ;  but  whosoever 
shall  smite  thee  on  thy  right  cheek,  turn  to  him  the  other,  also.— Matt, 
v.,  38,  39. 

The  lex  talionis^  here  repudiated,  was  not  a  rabbinical 
interpolation;  it  was  an  integral  maxim  ofthe  Sinaitic  code, 
as  the  following  words,  coming  shortly  after  the  Deca- 
logue, show: 

And  if  any  mischief  follows,  then  thou  shalt  give  life  for  life,  eye  for 
eye,  tooth  for  tooth,  hand  for  han  1,  foot  for  foot,  burning  for  burning, 
wound  for  wound,  stripe  for  stripe.— Exodus  xxi.,  23-25. 

Free  divorce  was  another  Sinaitic  error,  so  called,  and  in 
pointing  it  out  Christ  gave  us  the  key  to  the  whole  Mosaic 
dispensation,  as  the  following  passage  shows: 

The  Pharisees  also  came  unto  Him,  temptmg  Him,  and  saying  unto 
Him,  Is  it  lawful  for  a  man  to  put  away  his  wife  for  every  cause  ? 
And  He  answered  and  said  unto  them.  Have  ye  not  read  that  He  which 
made  them  at  the  beginning  made  them  male  and  female,  and  said,  for 
this  cause  shall  a  man  leave  father  and  mother  and  shall  cleave  to  his 
wife,  and  they  twain  shall  be  one  flesh  ?  Wherefore  they  are  no  more 
twain,  but  one  flesh.  What,  therefore,  God  hath  joined  together,  let  no 
man  put  asunder.  They  say  unto  Him,  Why  did  Moses  then  command 
to  give  a  writing  of  divorcement,  and  to  put  her  away?  He  saith  unto 
them,  Moses,  because  ofthe  hardness  of  your  hearts,  sufiered  you  to  put 
away  your  wives ;  but  from  the  beginning  it  was  not  so.  And  I  say 
unto  you,  Whosoever  shall  put  away  his  wife,  except  it  be  for  fornica- 
tion, and'shall  marry  another,  committeth  adultery;  and  whoso  marri- 
<»th  her  which  he  put  iivray  doth  commit  adultery. — Matt,  xix.,  3-9. 


78  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 


Divine  Adjustment  of  the  Moral  Law  —  Progressive   Elimination 
of  Polygamy,  Slavery,  Etc. —  Mount  Sinai  and  Mount  Calvary. 

The  "hardness  of  heart"  referred  to  is  evidently  the 
dulhiess  of  the  intellectual  and  moral  sense  that  character- 
ized the  almost  savage  slaves  of  the  Egyptians  when  they 
came  up  out  of  Egypt.  Instead  of  imposing  on  them  an 
ethical  system  perfectly  complete  and  perfectly  unintelligi- 
ble to  them  in  their  degraded  condition,  Moses,  under  di- 
rection of  divine  wisdom,  gave  them  a  moral  law  which 
they  could  understand,  and  which  would  develop  in  them  a 
capacity  for  something  purer  and  higher. 

Polygamy  was  tolerated,  not  because  it  was  the  ideal 
system;  not  because  the  deity  of  the  Hebrews  could  devise 
no  other,  but  because  polygamy  is  the  natural  intermedi- 
ate station  between  promiscuity  and  monogamy.  God 
cliose  to  make  a  civilized  people  out  of  the  Jews,  not  by 
His  creative  fiat,  but  by  operating  through  natural  laws  of 
sociology.  In  due  time,  when  men  were  prepared  for  it, 
the  law  of  permanent  and  monogamous  marriage  was  pro- 
mulgated, but  it  was  in  advance  of  public  sentiment,  as  is 
shown  by  the  fact  that  when  Christ,  in  the  passage  above 
quoted,  forbade  free  divorce,  and  proclaimed  the  sanctity  of 
the  marital  relation,  the  disciples  suggested  that  if  that 
was  the  law  it  was  better  not  to  marry. 

So  slavery  was  tolerated  under  the  Mosaic  law.  But  ser- 
vitude for  a  short  term  of  years  was  substituted  for  per- 
manent and  hereditary  servitude,  and  the  law  threw  some 
protection  about  the  person  of  the  slave.  The  Mosaic  dis- 
pensation is  not  responsible  for  a  defense  of  slavery.  It 
tolerated  an  intermediate  state  between  barbarism  and  civ- 
ilization. 

A  fact  of  vast  importance  to  notice  is  that  this  Mosaic 
system   contained    within   itself    the   seeds   which,    when 


FRED.  PERRY  POWERS'  REPLY.  79- 

liuinanity  had  outgrown  the  old  dispensation,  would  mature 
into  a  new  dispensation  so  far  in  advance  of  human  attain- 
ments, that  after  nearly  nineteen  centuries  the  human  race 
has  not  begun  to  catch  upon  it.  Christ  expounded  the  Old 
Testament  references  to  Himself,  beginning  with  Moses. 
AVhen  Sinai  had  reduced  society  to  order,  and  stamped  out 
paganism,  then  Calvary  came  and  appealed  to  all  that  was 
highest  and  purest  in  man.  Even  at  this  late  day  there 
are  not  many  souls  that  really  comprehend  the  fall  meaning 
of  Calvary  and  whose  lives  give  evidence  of  that  fact. 
AYhen  any  considerable  j^ortion  of  the  human  race  has 
received  all  that  Calvary  can  confer,  a  new^  dispensation 
may  be  expected. 

In  this  sense  the  Mosaic  dispensation  was  perfect  and 
complete.  As  promulgated  on  Mount  Sinai,  it  was  adapted 
only  to  a  certain  low  condition  of  mankind.  But  it  contained 
a  vital  principle,  which  enabled  it  to  expand  as  fast  as 
civilization  advanced.  Starting  with  the  Decalogue,  it 
developed  the  penitential  psalms  and  the  noble  exhorta- 
tions of  the  prophets,  and  finally  the  Beatitudes.  Begin- 
ning with  a  catalogue  of  penalties,  it  in  course  of  time 
developed  sorrow  for  sin,  and  at  last  that  love  to  God  which 
withholds  from  sin.  This  system  of  religion  has  develoi)ed 
faster  than  civilization  has  advanced.  The  Israelites  at  the 
foot  of  Mount  Sinai  probably  knew  something  of  the  wrong- 
fulness of  murder,  theft  and  adultery.  But,  to-day,  in 
spite  of  great  moral  advances — to-day,  nineteen  centuries 
after  Christ — how  much  does  the  human  race  really  know 
about  "  hungering  and  thirsting  after  righteousness? ''  Let 
the  foolish  declaration  that  we  have  outgrown  Christianity 
come  from  those  who  have  been  filled,  and  who  still  want 
something  more. 

The  Decalogue  is  by  no  means  the  complete  moral  code 
that  it  is  often  represented  to  be,  and  it  would  be  singularly 


I  80  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

out  of  place  in  a  Christian  church  were  it  not  that,  even 
i  to-daj,  and  in  the  United   States,  there  are  many  persons 

j  incapable  of  comprehending  the  Beatitudes  which  compre- 

!  hend  all  there  is  in  the  Decalogue,  and  vastly  more.     The 

'  seventh    commandment   does   not   apply   to    crimes,  both 

participants  in  which  are  unmarried,  and  the  Mosaic  law 
I  treated   the   seduction  of  an  unbetrothed  bondmaid  as  a 

:  trivial  offense,  sufficiently  atoned  for  hj  the  sacrifice  of  a 

[  ram.     The  seduction  of  a  free   maid,  if  she  was  not  be- 

I  trothed,  was  atoned  for  by   marriage.     It  was  on  account 

of  the  "hardness  of  their  hearts,"  their  infancy  in  ethics, 

that  this  easy-going  statute  regarding  the  sexes  was  enacted. 

But  Christ  said  : 

Ye  have  heard  that  it  was  said  of  them  of  old  time,  "  Thou  shalt  not 
commit  adultery,"  but  I  say  unto  you,  That  whosoever  looketh  on  a 
woman  to  lust  after  her  hath  committed  adultery  with  her  already  in" 
his  heart.— Matt,  v.,  27,  28. 

The  Decalogue  said,  "  Thou  shalt  not  kill,"  but  Jesus 

Christ  added  to  this  as  follows  : 

Whosoever  is  angry  with  his  brother  without  a  cause  shall  be  in  dan 
ger  of  the  judgment. — Matt,  v.,  22. 

The  Decalogue  forbade  the  bearing  of  false  witness;  it 
was  silent  as  to  ordinary  mendacity.  In  the  New  Testa- 
ment this  law  is  extended  to  cover  all  untruthfulness. 


Purpose  and  Potency  of  the  Mosaic  Law. 

The  purpose  of  the  Mosaic  law  was  to  start  the  Israelites 
on  the  path  of  spiritual  enlightenment.  It  was  a  provi- 
sional system,  superseded  at  the  right  time  by  Christianity. 
The  sacrifices  were  fines  imposed  on  the  guilty.  They  were 
also  daily  reminded  of  the  existence  of  God,  and  the  blood 
pouring  from  the  altar  taught  the  serious  nature  and  fatal 
consequences  of  sin  as  nothing  else  would.  Of  course,  to 
a  set  of  modern   sophists,  vrho  deny  the   existence  of  sin, 


FRED.  PERRY  POWERS'  REPLY.  81 

the  sacrifices  are  simply  meaningless,  revolving  spectacles; 
but  the  man  who  hasn't  studied  the  subject  enough  to 
understand  the  meaning  of  the  Hebrew  sacrifices  is  estopped 
from  discussing  them  in  public. 

The  barbarities  of  the  Mosaic  system  form  a  pet  subject 
of  denunciation  by  gentlemen  who  have  a  repugnance  to 
study,  coupled  with  a  mania  for  delivering  lectures,  when 
the  latter  can  be  done  at  a  pecuniary  ]:)rofit.     If  a  man 
thinks  it  just  as  well  to  worship  the  sun  or  a  bull  as  to 
worship  Jehovah,  of  course  he  will  regard  the  penalties 
denounced  against  idolatry  as  tyrannical  and  barbarous. 
But  no  man,  unless  he  has  a  purpose  to  accomplish  thereby, 
can  shut  his  eyes  to  the  barrier  that  idolatry  places  in  the 
way  of  mental  or  moral  progress,  or  both.     The  interests  of 
the  human  race  demanded  that  paganism  should  be  roofed 
out  somewhere,  if  not  everywhere.     The  promise  to  Abra- 
ham, that  in  his  seed  should  all  the  nations  of  the  earth  be 
blessed,  has  been  fulfilled,  but  that  has  been  accomplished 
only  by  the  most  rigorous  hostility  to  paganism  among  the 
Jews.     In  spite  of  all  the  stern  laws  of  Moses,  Israel  again 
and  again  relapsed  into  paganism;  yet  it  was  an  absolute 
necessity  that  if  what  we  now  know  as  civilization  was  ever 
to  come,  paganism  must  in  some  corner  of  the  world  be 
stamped  out,  and  the  way  prepared  for  Christianity.     To 
teach  the  Israelites  what  a  moral  contagion  was  idolatry, 
they  had  to  be  taught  that  it  was  a  physical  contagion, 
contaminating  everything  connected  with  the  idolater.    Had 
not  this  been   done,  the  Israelites  would  have   remained, 
like  all  the  rest  of  the  world,  immersed  in  the  unspeakably 
unclean  worship  of  Baal  and  Astarte  and  Moloch.     Cost 
what  it  might,  the  ravages  of  the  pestilence  had  to  be 
checked  somewhere. 
6 


MISTAKES  OF  INQEESOLL. 


Excessive  Wickedness  and  Proportionate  Punishment — The  Court 
of  Heaven  vs.  the  Court  of  Earth. 

Of  course,  the  wars  of  the  Israelites  and  the  annihilation 
of  certain  tribes  are  held  to  be  horrible  cruelties  by  the 
sophists  of  the  present  day.  But  we  are  distinctly  told 
that  it  was  for  their  extraordinary  wickedness  that  these 
tribes  were  exterminated.  We  are  again  and  again  told 
that  it  was  for  the  wickedness  of  the  Amalekites  that  their 
destruction  was  commanded.  We  get  some  glimpses  of 
the  unmentionable  vileness  of  some  of  these  Canaanitish 
tribes.  The  fact  was  that  they  were  ulcers  on  the  body  of 
the  human  race  which  had  to  be  cut  out.  Possibly  the 
innocent  suffered  with  the  guilty,  and  possibly  there  were 
no  innocent  excejDt  the  infants,  whom  it  would  have 
been  no  mercy  to  save  after  their  unclean  parents  were 
destroyed.  It  is  probable  that  the  moral  taint  had  so  rooted 
itself  in  the  physical  system  that,  had  the  children  been 
spared,  they  would  have  inevitably  developed  into  adults  as 
unclean  as  their  parents.  The  passages  sometimes  quoted 
to  show  that  Jehovah  was  vindicative,  are  passages  aimed 
at  sin.  The  most  ample  amnesty  to  the  repentant  is  prom- 
ised from  one  end  of  Genesis  to  the  other  end  of  Kevelation. 
The  people  who  denounce  the  divine  government,  as  mani- 
fest in  the  Old  Testament,  either  deny  that  there  is  any 
such  thing  as  sin,  or,  which  is  often  the  case,  they  have 
admirable  reasons  for  being  angry  because  sin  is  punished. 
The  gentlemen  who  denounce  the  destruction  of  Sodom  are 
necessarily  apologists  for  the  Sodomists. 

When  malignancy  is  charged  against  Jehovah  it  is  im- 
portant to  remember  that  the  presence  of  five  righteous 
persons  would  have  saved  Sodom.  There  was  only  one 
righteous  person,  and  not  only  was  he  enabled  to  escape 
but  he  secured  immunity  for  his  family.       Nineveh  was 


FRED.  PERRY  POWERS'  REPLY.  83 

spared  because  the  people  repented.  The  Israelites  were 
delivered  from  their  enemies  when  they  forsook  their  sins. 
On  the  other  hand  Nathan's  rebuke  to  David  is  a  matter  of 
record,  and  Solomon's  licentiousness  was  punished  by  the 
revolt  of  Jeroboam  and  the  ten  tribes.  The  statement  that 
Jehovah  disregarded  distinctions  of  right  and  wrong,  or 
treated  the  innocent  and  guilty  alike,  or  took  pleasure  in 
the  death  even  of  the  wicked  is  false,  and  known  to  be  so 
by  the  persons  who  make  it.  The  very  sentiment  of  hu- 
manity which  prompts  certain  persons  to  denounce  the  di- 
vine government  of  the  Jews  is  found  only  where  Chris- 
tianity, the  legitimate  successor  of  Judaism,  prevails. 

What  are  denounced  as  massacres  committed  by  the 
Israelites  were  judicial  executions  performed  under  the  or- 
ders of  the  only  court  in  the  universe  which  has  perfect  in- 
formation of  the  cases  tried  before  it,  and  which  is  per- 
fectly free  from  weaknesses.  To  object  to  the  judgment 
one  must  either  show  that  the  condemned  were  innocent, 
which  at  this  late  day  can  not  be  shown,  or  one  must  show 
that  the  crimes  were  less  heinous  than  the  court  held  them 
to  be,  which  is  to  become  an  apologist  for  crimes  of  every 
character,  some  of  which  are  not  even  to  be  named.  It  is 
also  to  be  remembered  that  the  divine  government  is  the 
creator  of  society,  instead  of  the  creature  of  society,  as  is 
human  government.  The  former  is,  therefore,  not  to  be 
judged  precisely  as  the  latter  is,  even  though  abstract 
justice  is  the  same  in  Heaven  that  it  is  on  earth.  The 
charge  of  vindictiveness  is  absolutely  without  foundation ; 
and,  by  the  way,  of  all  the  nations  known  to  the  Jews  the 
one  we  might  suppose  them  most  hostile  to  is  the  Egypt- 
ian, for  it  was  in  Egypt  that  the  Israelites  were  enslaved 
and  maltreated.  Yet  the  divine  command,  coming  from 
Moses,  was  that  the  Israelites  should  in  no  case  oppress 
the  Egyptians,  and  the  reason  was  that  they  were  once  so- 


84  MISTAKES  OF  INOERSOLL. 

journers  in  the  land  of  Egypt,  the  very  reason  we  might 
sup]30se  why  they  should  be  especially  bitter  toward  the 
Egyptians. 

Able  Bodied  Mendacity  and  Civilization  —  Love  and   Obedience. 

There  is  a  good  deal  of  dense  ignorance  or  able-bodied 
mendacity  in  circulation  regarding  the  ethics  of  the  New 
Testament.  Jesus  Christ  and  His  apostles  upheld  neither 
political  nor  domestic  despotism.  But  it  is  a  fact  which 
lecturers  should  understand  that  civil  order  is  the  first 
stop  toward  civilization.  Despotism  is  more  conducive 
to  civilization  than  anarchy  is.  Furthermore,  when  Paul 
wrote  his  epistles  the  Roman  officials  suspected  all  Chris- 
tians of  being  hostile  to  the  government,  and  it  was  espe- 
cially necessary  that  the  Roman  power  should  understand 
by  the  loyalty  of  the  Christians  that  He  whom  they  called 
their  king  was  a  spiritual  sovereign,  and  not  a  rival  of  the 
emperor. 

What  Paul  at  a  particular  time  wrote  to  a  particular 
church  is  by  no  means  necessarily  a  universal  law.  AVhat 
is  particularly  to  be  noted  is  that  the  exhortations  to  obe- 
dience on  the  part  of  the  citizen,  the  wife,  the  child  and 
the  servant  are  coupled  with  and  conditioned  on  exhorta- 
tions to  the  ruler,  the  husband,  the  parent  and  the  master, 
which  certain  uncandid  and  irrational  persons,  some  of 
whom  are  inside  the  church  and  some  of  whom  are  outside 
of  it,  are  careful  to  ignore.  In  Ephesians  v.  22,  Paul  com- 
mands wives  to  submit  themselves  to  their  husbands,  but 
in  the  twenty-fifth  verse  husbands  are  commanded  to  love 
their  wives  as  Christ  loves  His  church.  Now,  if  the  hus- 
band fulfills  his  part  of  the  mutual  obligation,  the  wife's 
submission  will  not  be  of  a  very  mental  character.  In 
Ephesians  vi.  1,  children  are  commanded  to  obey  their  par- 
ents, but  in  the  fourth   verse  fathers  are  commanded  not 


FRED.  PERRY  POWERS'  REPLY.  85 

to  provoke  their  children  to  wrath,  but  to  bring  them  up 
in  the  nurture  and  admonition  of  the  Lord.  In  the  next 
verse  servants  are  commanded  to  obey  their  masters,  but 
in  the  ninth  verse  we  read,  "  And,  je  masters,  do  the  same 
things  unto  them,  forbearing  threatening,  knowing  that 
jour  Master  also  is  in  Heaven;  neither  is  there  respect  of 
person  with  Him."  In  Hebrews  xiii.  17,  we  read,  "  Obey 
them  that  have  the  rule  over  you,  and  submit  yourselves; 
for  they  watch  for  your  souls  as  they  that  must  give  account." 
The  command  to  obey  rules  is  conditioned  on  the  dis- 
charge of  their  duties  by  the  rulers. 

JSTow,  in  omitting  one  half  of  each  double  command,  and 
on  the  strength  of  the  other  half  arraigning  Christianity 
as  the  ally  of  domestic  and  political  tyranny,  modern  "  free 
thought"  is  accomplishing  a  great  work,  is  it  not?  The 
distinguishing  characteristic  of  "  free  thought  "  seems  to 
be  that  it  is  thought  freed  from  all  subservience  to  facts. 

Mr.  Powers'  Pungent  Peroration. 

Theology  has  made  many  shipwrecks  by  an  excess  of  a 
priori  reasoning,  and  by  reasoning  deductively  when  the 
means  of  reasoning  inductively  exist.  But  what  is  termed 
materialism  is  habitually  doing  the  same  thing,  if  it  can 
make  a  point  against  Christianity  by  so  doing.  The  ene- 
mies of  Calvinism  have  denounced  it  because  it  promoted 
immorality.  Yet  a  severer  code  of  morals  would  be  diffi- 
cult to  find  than  that  maintained  by  the  English  Puritans^ 
the  Scotch  Covenanters,  and  the  French  Huguenots,  all  Cal- 
vinists.  Would  it  not  be  just  as  rational  to  judge  Calvinism 
by  its  fruits  as  to  judge  its  fruits  by  Calvinism? 

When  man  has  argued  from  the  Kew  Testament  that 
Christianity  must  be  the  ally  of  despotism,  and  then  looks 
about  him  and  sees  that  civil  liberty  is  nut  known  outside 
of  Christian  lands,  and  has  its  fullest  development  in  Eug- 


86  MISTAKES  OF  INOER80LL. 

land  and  America,  where  Christianity  in  its  simplest  forms 
prevail,  and  where  there  are  the  fewest  barriers  between 
the  human  soul  and  tlie  I^ew  Testament  itself;  when  he 
has  argued  from  the  IN^ew  Testament  to  show  that  Chris- 
tianity is  inimical  to  the  best  interests  of  womanhood,  and 
then  looks  around  and  sees  womanhood  honored  only  in 
Christian  countries,  constantly  employed  by  and  honored 
in  the  church,  must  it  not  occur  to  him  with  painful  force 
that  he  is  a  good  deal  off  the  track? 

It  would  not  be  necessary  to  remind  philosophers  of  the 
fact,  but  it  is  necessary  to  remind  sophists  that  the  Jews  did 
a  good  many  things  that  the  Mosaic  dispensation  is  not 
responsible  for,  and  that  it  is  mere  idiocy  to  hold  Chris- 
tianity responsible  for  everything  done  by  individuals  or 
associations  m  its  name.  The  man  who  can  not  discrim- 
inate between  the  legitimate  results  of  a  system,  and  the 
abuses  grafted  on  to  it  by  its  professed  adherents,  is  plainly 
unfit  to  debate  philosophical  questions. 

If  people  made  half  the  effort  to  understand  the  Bible 
that  they  make  to  discard  it,  they  wouldn't  be  so  funny  as 
they  are  now,  but  they  would  know  more. 


There  are  over  two  hundred  passages  in  the  Old  Testa- 
ment which  prophesied  about  Christ,  and  every  one  of  them 
has  come  true. — D.  L.  Moody. 

In  regard  to  the  Great  Book,  I  have  only  to  say  it  is  the 
best  gift  which  God  has  given  to  man.  All  the  good  from 
the  Saviour  of  the  World  is  communicated  tlirough  tliis 
Book.  But  for  this  Book  we  could  not  know  right  from 
wrong.  All  those  things  desirable  to  man  are  contained 
m  It.  I  return  you  my  sincere  thanks  for  this  very  eleo-ant 
copy  of  the  Great  Book  of  God  which  you  present.-^^m- 
him  Lincoln,  on  receiving  a  present  of  a  Bible. 


ITEM8.  87 


I  DEFT  you  all,  as  many  as  are  here,  to  prepare  a  tale  so 
■simple  and  so  touching,  as  the  tale  of  the  passion  and  death 
of  Jesus  Christ,  whose  influence  will  be  the  same  after  so 
many  centuries. — Denis  Diderot. 

The  Bible  is  the  best  book  in  the  world.  It  contains 
more  of  my  little  philosophy  than  all  the  libraries  I  have 
seen. — John  Adams.   {Second  President  of  United  States.) 

And,  finally,  I  may  state,  as  the  conclusion  of  the  whole 
matter,  that  the  Bible  contains  within  itself  all  that,  under 
God,  is  required  to  account  for  and  dispose  of  all  forms  of 
infidelity,  and  to  turn  to  the  best  and  highest  uses  all  that 
man  can  learn  of  nature. — Chancellor  Dawson. 

The  Bible  is  the  only  cement  of  nations,  and  the  only 
<iement  that  can  bind  religious  hearts  together. — Chemlier 
Bunsen. 

The  Bible  is  the  Word  of  God — with  all  the  peculiarities 
of  man,  and  all  the  authority  of  God.— Prof.  Murphy. 

From  the  time  that,  at  my  mother's  feet,  or  on  my  fa- 
ther's knee,  I  first  learned  to  lisp  verses  from  the  sacred 
writings,  they  have  been  my  daily  study  and  vigilant  con- 
templation. If  there  be  anything  in  my  style  or  thoughts 
to  be  commended,  the  credit  is  due  to  my  kmd  parents  in 
instilling  into  my  mind  an  early  love  of  the  Scriptures. — 
Daniel  Webster. 

The  same  divine  hand  which  lifted  up  before  the  eyes 
of  Daniel  and  of  Isaiah  the  veil  which  covered  the  tableau 
of  the  time  to  come,  unveiled  before  the  eyes  of  the  author 
of  Genesis  the  earliest  ages  of  the  creation.  And  Moses 
was  the  prophet  of  the  past,  as  Daniel  and  Isaiah  and  many 
others  were  the  prophets  of  the  iviture.—Prof.  Guyot. 

We  are  persuaded  that  there  is  no  book  by  the  perusal 
of  which  the  mind  is  so  much  strengthened  and  so  much 
enlarged  as  it  is  by  the  perusal  of  the  Bible.— i>r.  Melville. 


Il 


Cjtci^,  <^iv^,  GCeu- 


7 


[Photographed  by  Mosber.] 


BISHOP  CHENEY'S  REPLY. 


BISHOP  che:n^ey's  reply. 


How  the  Question  of  Forgery  Applies  to  the  Five  Books  of  Moses. 

In  looking  at  almost  any  object  in  the  world  of  nature 
round  about,  it  becomes  remarkable  only  from  certain  points 
of  view.     The  cathedral  rocks  that  form  one  of  the  glories 
of  the  Yosemite  Yalley  diifer  not  much  from  any  other  great 
pile  of  jagged  cliffs,  except  in  a  certain  position,  where  the 
great  mass  of  Gothic  spires  and  arches  appear  clothed  with 
evergreen  ivy.     Only  as  you  reach  a  certain  point  where 
Profile  Notch  penetrates  the  White  Mountains,  do  you  see  far 
up,  up  on  the  topmost  cliff,  the  formation  of  a  face  cut  in  the 
solid  granite  by  nature's  own  chisel.     But  the  case  of  alleged 
forgery  before  us  is  extraordinary  from  every  point  of  view, 
for  forgery  is  generally  something  which  concerns  some 
brief  document,  something  that  requires  only  a  signature 
in  order  to  secure  its  currency.     The  longer  and  more  elab- 
orate the  document  which  forgery  produces,  the  more  danger 
there  must  inevitably  be  of  its  final  and  ultimate  detection. 
But  here  are  five  long  historic  books.      They  are  full  of 
details.     They  cover  vast  periods  of  time.     They  enter  into 
a  variety  of  topics.     Incidentally  they  discuss  not  only  ques- 
tions of  religion,  but  of  law,  of  politics,  of  commerce,  even 
of  hygiene— medical  laws  of  health.     Was  ever  forgery  com- 
mitted before  or  since  on  such  a  gigantic  scale  as   this? 
Moreover,  there  is  no  crime  that  is  liable  to  be  so  speedily 
detected  as  forgery.     The  man  who  signs  some  document 
with  another's  name  rarely  goes  d^wn  to  the  grave  without 
meeting  his  punishment  here  on  earth.     Why,  only  a  few 
weeks  ago,  the  doors  of  our  penitentiary,  in  the  State  of 


•90  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

Illinois,  closed  upon  a  prisoner  who  had  affixed  the  name  of 
another,  whose  name  was  better  than  his  own,  to  a  check 
upon  which  he  had  received  the  money;  but  only  one  month 
intervened  as  a  gap  between  that  crime  and  the  punishment 
it  merited  and  received. 

It  was  a  hundred  years  ago,  that  Thomas  Chatterton,  one 
of  the  most  wonderful  men,  or  boys,  I  might  rather  say, 
that  England  has  ever  produced,  forged  a  huge  mass  of 
papers,  professedly  historical,  that  were  dated  away  back 
in  the  thirteenth  and  fourteenth  centuries.     The  style  was 
that  of  the  monks  and  chroniclers,  which  he  had  imitated 
with  the  greatest  possible  perfection.     The  references  to 
the  customs  of  that  ancient  period  were  such  as  to  avoid 
detection,  and  Chatterton,  in  the  precocity  of  his  intellect, 
and  in  the  versatility  of  his  talent,  was  without  a  peer  in 
English  literary  history.      The  English  literary  world  re- 
ceived it  as  a  revelation  out  of  lost  centuries.     The  great 
scholars   of  England   were   deceived.      But   it   only   took 
three  years  to  expose  to  every  eye  the  fraud  that  had  been 
committed,  and  Chatterton,  whom  Wordsworth  called  the 
"marvelous  boy,"  ended  his  career  in  a  suicide's  grave.     O, 
brethren !  who  can  count  the  years,  who  can  enumerate  the 
centuries  which  liave  rolled  over  this  world  of  ours  since  the 
alleged  forgery  of  this  man  Moses!     And  yet  to-day,  after 
the  lapse  of  centuries,  there  are  more  people  who  beheve  in 
that  forgery  as  the  genuine  work  of  the  man  whom  God 
appointed  the  great  law-giver  and  leader  of  Israel,  there  are 
more  people  who  hang  their  hopes  for  time  and  eternity  on 
this  alleged  fraud,  and  that  which  has  grown  out  of  this 
alleged  fraud— the  Gospel  of  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ— than 
ever  before  in  two  thousand  years.     Am  I  not  then  justified 
in  saying  that  if  this  be  a  forgery,  which  is  contained  in 
the  five  books  of  Moses,  it  is  the  most  extraordinary  forgery 
that  has  ever  been  committed  in  the  world  since  words 


BISHOP  CHENEY'S  REPLY,  91 

expressed  human  thought,  or  human  beings  learned  to  wield 
a  pen? 

The   "  Common   Ground "  of  the  Contending  Parties — Logical 
Position  of  Ezra. 

Now,  in  the  first  place,  I  desire  to  call  your  attention  to 
certain  facts  concerning  the  Mosaic  record.  In  all  contro- 
versies in  every  department  of  human  thought  there  are 
certain  points  which  are  regarded  as  neutral  ground.  When 
our  great  civil  war  shook  this  land  from  centre  to  circum- 
ference and  two  mighty  armies  were  face  to  face  in  the 
Yalley  of  the  Tennessee,  the  stars  and  stripes  floated  in  the 
same  breeze  that  wafted  the  stars  and  the  bars  ;  the  strains 
of  "Dixie"  and  "My  Maryland"  commingled  with 
"  Hail  Columbia  "  and  the  "  Star-Spangled  Banner  ;"  the 
soldiers  of  the  different  armies  exchanged  such  commodi- 
ties as  they  possessed,  as  if  they  had  been  neighbors  in 
peace  at  home.  No  wonder  that  finally  it  came  to  pass 
that  between  these  armies  there  was  what  is  known  as 
neutral  ground,  on  which  it  was  agreed  that  the  soldiers  of 
one  side  should  not  fire  on  those  of  the  other.  Now,  is 
there  any  such  ground  as  that  between  those  who  defend 
what  are  known  as  the  five  books  of  Moses,  and  those  who 
declare  they  were  never  written  by  Moses  at  all  I  Is  there 
any  point,  I  say,  in  this  controversy  where  the  skeptic  and 
the  believer  can  come  to  stand  upon  one  common  ground  1 
If  we  can  find  such  a  neutral  ground  as  that,  it  will  save 
us  a  long,  tiresome,  profitless  debate. 

Now,  such  a  ground  I  think  we  have  in  the  life  and  his- 
tory of  Ezra,  the  writer  of  the  book  of  the  Old  Testament, 
which  bears  his  name.  It  is  conceded  on  all  hands  that 
this  man  was  a  scribe  of  the  Jewish  law  after  the  close  of 
the  Babylonian  captivity.  After  the  people  had  returned 
from  the  land  of  their  exile  into  the  land  of  their  fatliers, 


93  MISTAKES  OF  INGER80LL. 

he  gathered  into  one  great  collection  all  these  sacred  writ- 
ings that  were  held  by  the  Jews  to  be  the  inspired  word 
of  God.  No  infidel  that  I  am  aware  of  has  ever  questioned 
the  fact  that  in  this  collection  of  Ezra  was  contained  the 
five  books  of  Moses.  It  has  been  claimed  by  some  of  the 
least  scholarly  of  infidels  that  Ezra  wrote  those  five  books. 
But  that  idea  was  found  visionary  and  was  long  ago  given 
up  by  those  who  opposed  the  truth  of  Christianity.  But 
the  fact  remains  that  no  one,  Christian  or  unbeliever,  to-day 
questions  the  historic  fact  that  the  five  books  of  Moses,  as 
we  now  accept  them,  were  received  as  the  writings  of  the 
lawgiver  of  the  Jewish  people  when  Ezra  was  at  the  acme 
of  his  influence  after  the  Baylonian  captivity.  But  they 
state  that  it  was  universally  conceded  that  it  was  four  hun^ 
dred  and  fifty  years  before  the  birth  of  Christ.  In  other 
words,  it  was  admitted  that  every  Jew  who  returned  out  of 
the  Babylonian  captivity,  held  these  five  books  to  be  the 
works  of  Moses,  the  man  of  God,  twenty-three  hundred 
years  ago. 

The  Bishop  Planting  Signals  on  the  Mountain  Tops  of  History- 
Survey  of  the  New  Moses  Air  Line. 

We  stand,  then,  without  dispute,  without  any  controversy, 
at  this  poiut  of  time — four  hundred  and  fifty  years  before 
the  birth  of  our  Lord  and  Saviour  Jesus  Christ.  Xow,  fix 
that  point  in  your  memory  while  I  attempt,  like  a  civil  en- 
gineer penetrating  some  wilderness,  to  plant  the  signal 
on  some  more  remote  mountain  top  of  history.  Now,  all 
the  ancient  writings,  whether  Egyptian  or  Chaldean,  cor- 
roborate the  testimony  of  the  Bible  that  these  Hebrews 
were  slaves  in  the  land  of  Egypt.  They  also  agree  that 
they  migrated  into  Southern  Syria,  under  the  leadership  of 
a  man  who  was  called  Moses — a  word  which  meant  "  one 
drawn  out  of  the  water."  It  is  also  universally  allowed 
that  they  settled  in  this  new  land,  which  had  long  before 


BISHOP  CHENEY'S  REPLY.  93 

been  promised  to  their  fathers,  about  the  year  1450  before 
Christ.  We  have  established  tlien  our  second  date — a  date 
which  no  skeptic  has  ever  called  in  question.  When  our 
great  tunnel  that  brings  the  pure  water  of  Lake  Michigan 
into  every  home  and  household  in  this  city  was  in  process 
of  construction,  the  workmen  began  at  either  end.  There 
was  a  shaft  out  in  yonder  crib,  and  there  was  another  on 
the  shore,  and  nnderneath  the  waves  the  two  parties  of 
toilers  worked  toward  each  other.  And  so  it  is  with  us. 
We  tunnel  between  our  two  shafts.  The  date  450  B.  C.  and 
the  date  1450  B.  C. — only  one  thousand  years  are  to  be  ac- 
counted for.  Does  that  seem  along  period  of  time  to  you? 
I  admit  that  it  does,  but  not  in  the  history  of  nations.  It 
is  only  a  trifle  more  than  the  time  in  which  you  and  I  are 
living  is  removed  from  the  time  of  William  of  Normandy, 
who  conquered  Harold  and  the  English  barons. 

Now  we  will  cross  the  sea  to  the  old  tower  that  still 
recalls  the  memory  of  William  the  Conqueror.  We  will 
enter  the  office  of  public  records,  and  in  that  fire-proof  vault, 
guarded  as  they  guard  the  specie  that  is  gathered  into  the 
treasury  of  the  nation,  is  a  book  in  two  huge  volumes  of 
vellum.  It  is  known  as  the  "  Doomsday  Book."  In  the 
year  1086,  eight  hundred  years  ago,  remember,  William  the 
Conqueror  caused  that  record  to  be  prepared.  It  is  nearly 
as  old  as  the  five  books  of  Moses,  the  Pentateuch,  was  in 
the  days  of  Ezra  the  scribe.  But  not  a  page  of  the 
^'Doomsday  Book"  has  been  lost;  not  a  line  has  been 
altered;  not  a  letter  erased.  Its  pages  read  to-day  as  they 
did  in  this  old  time  when  the  Norman  heel  was  on  the 
Saxon  neck — eight  centuries  ago.  The  ink  is  as  fresh 
on  the  parchment  as  though  that  parchment  were  unstained 
by  age.  Do  you  ask  how  it  is  that  the  record  has  remained 
uncorrupted?  Do  you  ask  how  it  is  that  after  all  the  revo- 
lutions that  have  swept  over  England,  after  all  the  changes 


94  MISTAKES  OF  INOERSOLL. 

of  royal  houses,  and  the  dissolutions  of  powerful  parties, 
that  tliat  has  remained  perfectly  unaltered?  The  answer  is 
a  perfectly  easy  one  to  give.  It  is  because  "  Doomsday 
Book  "  contains  the  name  of  every  man,  who,  in  the  days 
of  William  the  Conqueror,  owned  one  rood  of  English  soil. 
It  contains  a  description  of  the  lands  throughout  the  realm. 
It  gives  the  boundaries  of  every  great  estate,  and  every  old 
English  family  must,  therefore,  find  the  roots  of  its  gene- 
alogy in  that  old  book  of  the  early  times  of  the  Norman 
conquest.  It  gives  the  title  to  every  acre  of  land  in  Eng- 
land. Thus,  two  of  the  strongest  motives  that  can  influence 
the  human  mind  and  the  human  will,  have  conspired  to 
guard  this  "  Doomsday  Book  "  with  a  jealous  and  tireless 
care. 

The  possession  of  a  great  name,  and  the  possession  of 
landed  property  are  wrapped  up  in  England  in  the  safety  of 
that  one  book.  Now,  exactly  the  same  motives  conspired 
for  the  preservation,  from  all  corruption,  of  the  five  books 
of  Moses.  They  contain  the  list  of  those  who  came  out  of 
Egypt  with  Moses  and  entered  into  Palestine;  they  gave  a 
description  of  the  land  that  was  apportioned  to  each  and 
every  name.  To  lose  these  books,  which  the  Jews  ever 
regarded  as  a  precious  treasure,  the  genealogy  of  their 
household — to  sufier  them  to  be  tampered  with,  was  to 
unsettle  the  title  to  every  man's  field  from  Dan  to  Beersheba. 

If  the  "  Doomsday  Book ''  has  survived,  uncorrupted, 
what  reason  on  earth  is  there  to  doubt  that  the  Penta- 
teuch was  preserved  intact  during  the  thousand  years  that 
intervened  between  the  time  of  Moses  and  the  time  of  Ezra? 
But  I  need  not  stop  here.  Ezra,  as  I  have  said,  was  one  of 
the  captives  who  returned  out  of  exile.  But  Daniel,  long 
before  the  time  of  Ezra,  speaks  of  this  law  of  Moses.  He 
bases  his  own  conduct  and  his  own  private  character  upon 
it.     Daniel  brings  us  a  hundred  years  nearer  to  the  days 


BISHOP  CHENEY'S  REPLY.  95 

when  Moses  gave  that  haw  to  the  Avorld.  When  King  Josiah 
mounted  the  throne  of  Judah  lie  found  that  throne  pol- 
luted by  the  wickedness  that  characterized  the  reign  of  his 
father,  King  Manasseh,  and  then  there  came  an  overwhelm- 
ing and  powerful  revival  of  religion  throughout  the  king- 
dom. Monarch  and  subject  united  in  humiliation  before 
God.  Numbers  of  people  bowed  down  before  the  Jehovah 
whom  they  had  offended.  But  we  all  distinctly  know  that 
the  root  and  the  seed  out  of  which  this  revival  sprung  was 
the  finding  of  the  copy  of  the  five  books  of  Moses,  and 
learning  there  what  Moses  had  commanded  against  the  sin 
of  idolatry.  I  have  reached  a  point  nearer  yet  to  the  time 
of  Moses  himself.     I  will  hasten  on. 

Termination  of  the  Great  Air  liine. 

One  thousand  and  four  years  before  Christ,  Solomon 
regulated  the  temple  service  and  worship,  but  he  regulated  it, 
we  are  distinctly  told,  according  to  the  law  that  was 
contained  in  the  Pentateuch.  And  we  are  within  four  hun- 
dred and  fifty  years  of  the  death  of  Moses.  But  David 
refers  constantly  to  the  five  books  of  Moses  in  the  psalms. 
The  law  of  Moses  was  the  foundation  on  which  all  the  relig- 
ious character  of  the  psalms  of  David  rest.  Before  David 
was  Samuel.  His  entire  career  pre-supposes  the  exist- 
ence of  the  Mosaic  books.  But  only  three  hundred 
and  fifty  years  intervened  between  Samuel  and  ]\roses. 
Joshua  succeeded  Moses  as  the  leader  of  the  chosen  people. 
Again  and  again  in  his  addresses  to  the  people,  did  he 
reprove,  exhort  and  encourage  Israel,  but  everywhere  on 
the  basis  of  the  books  of  the  law  of  Moses.  Thus,  we  have 
link  by  link  carried  back  this  chain  of  testimony  to  the  very 
days  in  which  Moses  lived.  jSTow  we  want  no  better  proof 
than  that  in  the  secular  history.  Suppose  the  farewell 
address  of  George  Washington  had  been  made  the  object  of 


96  MISTAKES  OF  INGEBSOLL. 

skeptical  criticism;  suppose  that  it  had  been  denied  that  it 
had  been  written  bj  Washington,  and  if  I  fiad  it  alluded  to 
in  Mr.  Lincoln's  address  at  the  monument-raising  in  Gettys- 
burg; if  I  find  in  one  of  his  speeches  that  President  Polk 
also  spoke  of  it;  if  this  is  true  of  Mr.  Yan  Euren,  and  Mr. 
Madison  before  him,  and  if  even  John  Adams,  the  suc- 
cessor of  George  Washington  in  the  presidential  chair, 
refers  to  that  address — why  then,  every  sensible  man  will 
say  that  it  is  the  nearest  equivalent  of  mathematical  demon- 
stration that  can  possibly  be  given  of  the  genuineness  of 
the  document  to  which  I  have  referred. 

Genealogical  Reflections. 

Now,  I  want  you  to  notice  again  that  if  these  writings 
were  forged,  they  were  forged  by  men,  who  even  in  so 
doing,  blackened  the  character  of  their  own  lineage  and  an- 
cestry. It  has  been  well  said  that  a  man  whose  chief  glory 
is  in  his  ancestors,  is  very  like  a  potato — the  best  part  of 
him  is  under  ground.  But  after  all  there  is  no  good  man 
who  does  not  rejoice — and  thank  God  for  the  fact — when 
he  is  able  to  trace  back  a  long  line  of  God-fearing,  pure- 
living,  honest  men  and  women  as  the  seed  from  whence  he 
sprang.  If  I  go  to  work  and  forge  a  genealogy  for  my- 
self, I  certainly  will  not  manufacture  one  that  describes 
my  forefathers  as  the  blackest  set  of  criminals  that  ever 
escaped  from  a  penitentiary.  No  one  pretends  for  a  mo- 
ment that  any  one  but  the  Jews  were  those  who  could 
have  been  responsible  for  the  Testament  records  ;  but  it 
they  forged  it  they  must  have  had  some  motive.  Forgers 
always  have  a  motive.  There  is  something  before  their 
minds  that  is  to  be  gained.  But  what  did  these  forgers 
do  ?  Why  they  compiled  a  record  of  their  own  family  tree, 
that  overwhelmed  their  fathers  with  everlasting  shame  and 
contempt.     They  described  the  ancient  Hebrews  as  besotted 


BISHOP  CHENEY'S  REPLY.  97 

idolaters  in  the  land  of  Eu;ypt.  When  God  promised  them 
a  land,  all  their  own,  flowing  with  milk  and  honey — when 
all  that  was  set  before  them — they  were  willing  to  give  up 
all  hope  of  prosperity,  all  hope  of  deliverance  from  slavery, 
if  they  might  only  have  that  which  they  sighed  for — the 
fish  and  the  leeks  and  garlic  of  Egypt.  They  are  repre- 
sented as  bowing  down  to  the  worship  of  a  calf,  whicli 
their  own  hands  had  made  out  of  their  golden  ear-rings, 
and  doing  that  in  the  very  presence  of  God,  displayed 
upon  Mount  Sinai,  and  are  described  when  they  reached 
the  borders  of  the  promised  land,  when  all  its  glory  was 
before  them,  and  its  liberty  was  almost  theirs,  as  being 
too  cowardly  to  fight  the  battles  that  were  necessary  to 
gain  the  possession  of  their  inheritance,  till  at  last  God 
refused  to  let  one  of  the  miserable,  cowardly  generation 
enter  the  land  He  had  promised  to  their  fathers.  Yet 
all  this  is  forgery,  not  of  the  Assyrians,  not  of  the 
Egyptians,  who  were  their  hereditary  enemies  ;  not  of  the 
Philistines,  but  themselves — the  forgery  of  the  Jews  them- 
selves. As  though  in  the  dead  of  night  a  man  should  steal 
out  under  cover  of  the  darkness  to  the  tombstone  of  liis 
dead  father,  and  with  chisel  and  mallet  in  hand  try  to  erase 
the  honorable  record  of  his  life,  and  forge  a  lying  epitaph 
that  made  him  the  vilest  scoundrel  that  ever  polluted  the 
earth.  Nay,  if  I  commit  a  forgery  on  my  family  record,  if 
ever  I  try  to  impose  a  fabulous  family  tree  on  thuse  who 
know  me,  I  don't  think  I  shall  ever  trace  my  line  to  Caesar 
Borgia. 

Cutting  the  Gordian  Knot. 

Now  again  I  would  like  to  notice  very  briefly  some  oi 
the  objections  to  the  credibility  of  the  Mosaic  writers. 
Now,  there  is  nothing  easier  than  to  start  difficulties 
on  any  subject  which  the  human  mind  can  give  atten- 
tion to.  Let  a  child  in  its  tiny  fingers  grasp  a  ])in  and 
7 


98  MISTAKES  OF  INGEBSOLL. 

get  at  the  silvered  side  of  a  mirror,  and  in  five  minutes  it 
will  do  more  damage  than  the  most  skillful  laborer  can 
remedy  with  the  work  of  many  hours. 

Is  it  wonderful  that  the  Bible  has  been  made  the  subject 
of  repeated  attacks  ?  I  no  more  hope  to  answ^er  all  the 
objections  that  can  be  put  against  a  book  such  as  the  book 
in  (jitestion,  or  even  the  books  of  Moses — I  say  I  can  no 
more  hope  to  answer  all  these  attacks  than  in  this  spring- 
time I  can  hope  to  pick  off  every  green  leaf  that  starts  but 
upon  every  spreading  tree.  It  were  an  easier  and  more 
effective  way  to  girdle  the  tree  itself.  God  girdles  the  tree 
of  infidelity  by  revival. 

If  the  record  of  experience  tells  any  fact  in  the  world, 
it  is  this,  that  a  thousand  objections  which  the  head  can 
see,  vanish  into  thin  air  when  the  spirit  of  God  gets 
hold  of  a  man's  heart.  Why,  there  are  men  here  to-night 
who  remember  the  hour  when  they  found  difficulties 
upon  every  page  of  the  word  of  God,  when  they  objected 
to  every  principle  it  propounded,  and  now  look  back  to  the 
difficulties  they  used  to  find  there,  and  wonder  how  it  was 
possible  that  they  could  ever  have  been  troubled  by  difficul- 
ties so  palpably  absurd.  They  did  not  study  out  one  by 
one  the  replies  that  might  liave  been  made  to  these  objec- 
tions. When,  in  June,  huge  swarms  of  flies  make  our  city 
like  the  land  of  Egypt  in  the  days  of  old,  we  never  under- 
take to  kill  them  one  by  one  ;  half  a  million  of  people 
would  not  be  sufficient  for  that.  But  God's  west  wind 
blows,  and  they  are  scattered.  So  it  "is  that  the  winds  of 
God's  spirit  sweep  away  the  swarms  of  difficulties  that  men 
find  in  the  Bible.  And  yet  I  am  prepared  to-night  to  take 
up  two  or  three  of  the  objections  which  have  been  urged 
against  the  credibility  of  the  Pentateuch.  These  objections 
resolve  themselves  into  two  different  parts — the  one  to  the 
facts  of  the  history  of  Moses,  the  other  to  the  morality  of 


BISHOP  CHE  NETS  REPLY.  99 

the  acts  that  are  there  recorded,  or  the  precepts  that  are 
there  laid  down.  I  won't  have  time  to  go  over  both 
branches  of  the  subject.  The  limits  of  such  a  sermon  as 
this  absolutely  forbid  it.  I  speak  now  of  the  facts.  At 
some  future  time  I  hope  to  take  up  the  moral  portion  of  it. 

Now,  every  time  you  visit  the  South  Park,  you  find  a 
place  of  rest  under  the  grateful  shade  of  an  ancient  willow. 
The  vast  expanse  of  its  gigantic  branches,  the  immense 
girth  of  its  trunk  are  the  witnesses  of  its  venerable  age. 
If  I  should  take  up  to-morrow  the  report  of  the  ])ark  com- 
missioners and  find  there  the  statement  that  they,  a-t  vast 
expense,  had  transplanted  that  willow  tree  from  the  native 
soil  in  which  it  grew  to  adorn  Chicago's  pleasure-ground, 
I  should  know  beforehand  that  it  was  false;  the  very  appear- 
ance of  the  tree  gives  the  lie  to  the  statement,  and  if  there 
were  any  way  in  which  I  could  examine  the  rings  that 
made  up  the  trunk,  I  need  only  count  them  to  have  a  posi- 
tive proof  of  the  fact  that  the  statement  contained  in  the 
report  was  false. 

JSTow,  precisely  akin  to  that  is  the  accusation  that  is  often 
brought  against  the  Book  of  Genesis.  It  is  said  that  Moses 
declares  that  six  thousand  years  ago  God  created  this  world 
in  which  we  are  living  now.  But  we  only  need  to  count 
the  geologic  strata— we  only  need  to  number  the  rings  of 
the  huge  trunk  of  this  earth  in  order  to  disprove  the 
statement. 

The  Bishop's  Challenge— Moses  and  Ingersoll  as  Chronologists. 

Now,  in  reply  to  this  difficulty,  which  is  so  often  urged 
against  the  Book  of  Genesis,  I  want  to  say  one  word,  and 
that  is,  I  challenge  any  man  in  this  congregation— I  chal- 
leno-e  any  man  in  the  wide  w^orld  that  has  ever  read  the 
Bible,  to  find  in  any  book  of  the  Bible,  much  less  in  the 
Book  of  Genesis,  the  statement  that  the  creation  of  this 


100  MISTAKES  OF  INOERSOLL. 

earth  took  place  six  thousand  years  ago.  This  Moses, 
whom  Col.  Ingersoll  thinks  was  such  a  blunderer;  whose 
mistakes  have  been  the  subject  of  his  jeers  and  blasphem- 
ous ridicule,  was  a  more  careful  man  than  our  Peoria  skep- 
tic thinks.  He  certainly  was  careful  not  to  fix  the  time  at 
which  God  created  this  earth.  Whether  that  creation  took 
place  six  thousand  or  six  million  years  ago,  he  does  not 
state.  He  does  say  that  "In  the  beginning  God  created 
the  heavens  and  the  earth."  But  that  is  all.  All  that  he 
asserts  is,  that  matter — the  substance  out  of  which  the 
earth  was  made — is  not  eternal:  it  had  a  beginning;  He 
did  create  it. 

Well,  then,  again,  the  creation  of  man,  equally  with  that 
of  the  world,  is  made  the  object  of  attack.  We  are  told 
that  the  Bible  claims  that  between  five  and  six  thousand 
years  ago  God  placed  the  first  pair  of  the  human  family  in 
Eden.  But  when  geologists  have  dug  down  into  the  forma- 
tions that  make  up  this  globe — formations  which  upon 
mathematical  calculation  have  taken  ages  and  ages  to  pro- 
duce —  they  find  thei-e  the  remains  of  ancient  tools,  weap- 
ons, ornaments  and  utensils  that  prove  that  man  must  have 
lived  in  a  time  far  ante-distant  to  that  of  Adam. 

For  example,  the  skeleton  of  an  Indian  was  exhumed 
some  years  ago,  while  digging  for  the  foundation  of  the 
gas-works  in  the  City  of  Xew  Orleans,  and  it  was  alleged 
by  one  geologist  of  that  day  that  it  could  not  have  been 
less  than  fifty  thousand  years  ago  that  that  man  lived.  It 
has  been  flaunted  in  our  fjices  that  science  and  religion  are 
opposed  to  each  other;  that  the  Bible  is  against  progress, 
and  that  we  all  must  concede  that  the  Pentateuch  is  but  a 
tissue  of  falsehood. 

JSTow  the  first  answer  I  have  to  give  is,  that  there  is  not 
one  syllable  in  the  Bible  that  fixes  the  length  of  time  ox 
man's  existence  upon  this  earth.     Xot  one  syllable.     Moses 


BISHOP  GHENETS  REPLY,  lOl 

does  not  tell  us  anything  about  the  date  that  God  created 
Adam  and  put  him  in  the  garden  of  Eden.  True,  we  have 
in  the  ]^ew  Testament,  in  the  genealogy  of  Christ,  a  state- 
ment of  the  number  of  generations  from  Abraham  down 
to  the  Saviour;  but  who  knows  precisely  what  is  the  mean- 
ing of  the  term  "  generations  ?''  The  word  is  used  in  a  variety 
of  senses  in  the  Bible,  and  it  baffles  all  calculation  to  deter- 
mine how  many  ages  intervened  between  Adam  and  Abra- 
ham. The  wisest  scholars  have  been  perplexed  to  fix  the 
number  of  centuries  that  rolled  over  the  world  in  that 
period  of  time.  To  say  that  God  placed  man  upon  this 
earth  six  thousand  years  ago,  is  not  quoting  the  Bible.  I 
want  you  to  remember  that.  I  want  you  to  tell  it  to  the 
skeptic  that  picks  out  genealogical  difficulties  in  the  Scrip- 
ture. It  is  only  repeating  the  result  of  calculations  in 
chronology  of  certain  fallible  men  who,  as  fallible,  were 
liable  to  be  mistaken.  All  infidels  do  it  in  trying  to  fasten 
upon  the  Scripture  the  blunders  of  mistaken  men.  But, 
as  is  well  known,  the  tendency  of  the  best  geologists  in 
our  day  is  rapidly  going  away  from  the  old  ideas  of  the 
vast  periods  of  time  in  the  construction  of  this  earth. 

Mud  Calendars  vs.  Facts — Some  Sad  and    Sorrowful    Scientific 
Figuring  in  the  Sand. 

It  was  not  very  long  ago  that  Sir  Charles  Lyell,  the  distin- 
guished English  geologist,  calculated  from  his  own  stand- 
point the  rate  at  which  the  mud  is  deposited  in  the  great 
delta  of  the  Mississippi.  By  actual  figures  he  reached  the 
astoundinir  calculation  that  the  formation  of  the  delta  of 
the  Mississippi  must  have  occupied  not  less  than  one 
hundred  thousand  years.  And,  when  down  underneath 
that  deposit  a  skeleton  was  exhumed,  it  proved  beyond  all 
question  that  not  less  than  fifty  thousand  years  ago  human 
feet  had  trod  the  soft  soil  of  the  delta  of  the  Mississippi. 


102  MISTAKES  OF  INOER80LL. 

But  inifortunatelj  for  Sir  Charles  Lyell,  American  geolo- 
gists were  on  his  track,  and  the  United  States  coast  survey 
followed  in  the  pathway  where  iie  had  been  investigating. 
Gen.  Humphrey,  of  the  American  army,  measured  accu- 
rately the  amount  of  the  deposit.  He  reviewed  the  figures 
of  the  Eup^lish  o^eoloo^ist,  and  he  showed  unanswerablv  that 
the  whole  delta  of  the  Mississippi  could  not  have  been  in 
process  of  formation  longer  than  four  thousand  four  hundred 
years.  For  many  years  geologists  held  that  a  quantity  of 
pottery  that  was  found  some  sixty  feet  below  the  surface  of 
the  soil,  in  the  delta  of  the  ]^ile,  was  at  least  twelve  thousand 
years  old.  But  later  investigations  deeper  down  in  the  same 
soil  came  upon  some  more  patterns,  which  w^ere  undoubtedly 
of  Roman  origin,  and  under  these,  a  brick  that  bore  inefface- 
ably  the  stamp  of  Mehemet  Ali,  a  modern  pasha. 

If  you  have  visited  Minneapolis,  you  certainly  must  have 
been  struck  by  the  formation  of  the  banks  where  the  Mis- 
sissippi has  cut  its  way  through  the  rocks.  Above  there  is 
layer  upon  layer,  stratum  upon  stratum  of  limestone,  and 
beneath  them  the  saccharoid  sandstone,  white  as  the  sugar 
from  which  it  derives  its  name,  and  soft  enough  to  be  cut 
with  a  knife,  lies  in  huge  masses.  On  the  bluff  overlooking 
the  river,  there  lives,  in  an  immense  house,  which  many 
years  ago  was  a  popular  hotel  of  the  ancient  city  of  St. 
Anthony's  Falls,  a  friend  of  mine.  One  day  there  came  to 
him  startling  news.  Just  outside  of  his  premises,  in  exca- 
vating for  the  foundation  of  a  new  building,  the  workmen 
had  struck  upon  a  wooden  coffin,  and  in  it  they  found  what 
was  recognized  to  be,  beyond  all  doubt,  human  bones.  A 
local  geologist,  a  physician  of  the  state,  with  some  skeptical 
tendencies,  seized  upon  this  new  foundation  of  the  an- 
tiquity of  man,  and  the  next  day  the  columns  of  an  even- 
ing paper  of  St.  Paul  contained  an  article  from  thi;-;  gen- 
tleman's pen  about  what  countless  ages  must  have  elapsed 


BISHOP  CHENETS  REPLY.  103 

to  perfect  that  saccharoid  sandstone  over  tlie  coffin,   and 
over  that  to  have  put  these  layers  upon  hiyers  of  rock. 

The  conclusion  was,  that  the  clironologj  of  the  Bible 
was  utterly  a  mistake,  and  that  we  had,  before  the  days  ot 
Mr.  Ingersoll,  one  of  the  mistakes  of  Moses.  On  reading 
the  article  my  friend  felt  at  once  it  was  his  duty  to  investi- 
gate the  event.  lie  found  the  coffin  still  unremoved,  for 
it  was  solidly  wedged  into  the  saccharoid  sandstone,  and 
small  pieces  of  the  bones  were  scattered  carelessly  about. 
My  friend,  whose  Christian  feeling  is  only  equaled  by  his 
profound  abihty  and  scholarship,  began  carefully  to  examine 
these  relics  of  pre- Adamite  man.  Imagine  his  surprise  to 
find  that  the  coffin  which  had  been  made  so  many  ages  be- 
fore Adam  was  placed  upon  this  earth,  was  the  plank  sewer 
of  the  old  hotel  in  which  he  lived,  and  the  bones  were  those 
of  some  innocent  lamb,  that  a  careless  cook  had  some,  time 
ago  flung  into  that  receptacle.  I  honor  geology,  but  I  claim 
it  is  yet  a  very  imperfect  science,  and  even  with  all  its  im- 
perfections I  have  yet  to  find  a  solitary  principle  or  fact 
that  geology  has  laid  down  that  contradicts  one  word  of 
the  five  books  of  Moses. 

A  Mistake  of  Ingersoll,  Tom  Paine  So  Co.  Corrected— Conclusion. 

I  allude  to  one  more  of  the  Mosaic  fiicts  that  is  assailed 
by  the  opponents  of  the  Gospel.  It  is  a  difficulty  which 
Mr.  Ingersoll  recently  brought  forward  in  that  remarkable 
production  of  his,  as  something  which  he  had  discovered; 
but  Bishop  Colenso,  whom  the  Church  of  England  some 
thirty  years  ago  sent  out  among  the  Zulus,  dwelt  upon  it 
long  ago,  and  even  before  his  time,  Tom  Paine  had  made 
it  his  weapon  against  the  truthfulness  of  the  Pentateuch. 
It  is  simply  this:  We  are  told  that  the  children  of  Israel, 
according  to  the  Bible,  were  in  the  land  of  Egypt,  in  cap- 
tivity, two  hundred  and  fifteen  years.     There  went  down 


104  MISTAKES  OF  INGEHSOLL. 

with  Jacob  and  his  sons,  their  wives  and  children,  seventy 
souls  in  all.  But  the  Exodus  finds  in  the  army  of  Israel 
six  hundred  thousand  fighting  men,  involving  a  total  of 
men,  women  and  children  which  could  not  have  been  less 
than  two  or  three  millions,  and  it  is  declared  that  such  an 
increase  is  utterly  unparalleled  in  the  annals  of  history. 
Our  mathematicians  have  figured  it  all  out  to  their  satis- 
faction. Xow,  I  want  you  to  observe  what  a  tissue  of 
blunders  make  up  this  opposition  to  this  Great  Book.  First 
■of  all  turn  back  to  the  life  of  Abraham,  the  ancestor  of 
Jacob,  and  you  there  discover  that  a  Hebrew  family  did 
not  consist  merely  of  the  parents  and  children.  The  ser- 
vants were  a  part  of  the  Hebrew  household,  and  God  dis- 
tinctly made  His  commands  imperativ^e  ?ind  unavoidable 
upon  Abraham,  that  every  male  youth  born  in  his  house 
should  receive  the  seal  of  circumcision.  He  therefore 
became  a  participator  in  the  Abrahamic  covenant.  jS'ay, 
more,  if  he  bought  a  servant  he  had  to  be  brought  into  the 
covenant  of  circumcision.  God  insists  upon  this,  and  thus 
every  servant  of  every  Hebrew  household  became  a  He- 
brew, and  was  reckoned  in  the  family  into  which  he  was 
adopted.  Away  back  in  the  time  of  Abraham,  if  you  take 
up  the  Book  of  Genesis  you  will  find  he  had  so  many  of 
these  servants  born  in  his  own  household,  that  three  hundred 
and  eighteen  of  them,  able-bodied  men,  soldiers,  followed 
him  to  battle,  and  when  Jacob,  in  the  one  hundred  and 
thirtieth  year  of  his  age,  went  down  into  the  land  of  Egy])t 
the  three  hundred  and  eighteen  of  Abraham's  day  surely 
must  have  multiplied  into  thousands. 

The  Pentateuch,  it  is  true,  gives  only  the  formal  list  of 
Jacob's  sons,  their  wives  and  their  children.  There  is  no 
formal  mention  of  this  vast  crowd  of  attendants,  who,  not- 
withstanding as  part  of  the  family,  must  have  entered  into 
the  land  of  Egypt  with  them.     Thus,  at  the  very  rate  of 


BISHOP  CHENEY  S  REPLY.  105 


increase  that  the  tables  of  the  census  of  the  United  States 
to-day  display,  these  thousands  miiilit  have  easily  amounted 
to  three  millions  in  two  hundred  and  titteen  years. 

I  am  not  through  with  this  stronghold  of  the  enemies  ol" 
the  Pentateuch.    'As  I  study  it  eeems  to  nie  that  T  never 
knew  a  ghost  to  vanish  into"  thinner  air.     I  would  like  to 
know  where  or  how  the  critics  learned  that  Israel  was  in 
bondage  in  the  land  of  Egypt  two  hundred  and  fifteen  years. 
Why,  they  learned  in  precisely  the  way  that  they  learned 
that  Moses  said  this  earth  was  made  just  six  thousand  years 
ao"0.     They  have  taken  up  certain  genealogies  and  s])ecula- 
ti'ons  of  commentators.     They  have  taken  up  the  calcula- 
tions of  Hales  and  others,  and  they  liave  regarded  them  as 
infallible.     Thev  have  never  turned  to  the  twelfth  chapter 
of  P^xodus,  and'l  find  there  the  statement  given  with  pre- 
cision that  admits  of  no  question  that  the  sojourn  of  the 
children  of  Israel  in  Esrypt  was  four  hundred  and    thirty 
years:     '•  And  it  came  to  pass,  at  the  end  of  four  hundred 
and  thirtv  years,  within  the  self-same  day  it  came  to  ])ass 
that  all  the  hosts  of   the  Lord  came  out  of   the   land   ot 
Eo-ypt.'^     Long  before  that,  God  had  told  Abraham  that  his 
seed  should  be  stranc^ers  in  a  land  that  was  not  theirs,  and 
that  they  should  afflict  them  four  hundred  years.     And  the 
Jews  so  understood  it,  as  shown  by  the  f^ict  that  in  the  Tsew 
Testament  Stephen  declares  that  God  told  the  father  ot  the 
faithful  that  his  seed  should  sojourn  in  a  strange  land,  and 
they  should  bring  them  into  bondage  and  evil  entreat  them 
four  hundred  years.     JSTow,  if  but  seventy  had  gone  down 
with  Jacob  into  Egypt,  an  increase  to  two  or  three  or  even 
four  milhons  in  four  and  a  half  centuries  would  have  been 
no  more  than  what  is  paralleled  by  the  history  ot  every 
race  on  the  surface  of  the  globe. 

In  Italy,  three  hundred  years  ago,  when  men  were  wild 
over  the  discovery  of  Galileo^s  telescope,  there  was  one 
philosopher  who  refused  to  look  through  the  tube  that 
pierced  the  vail  of  the  starry  worlds,  and  when  he  was  asked 
the  reason,  -  I  am  afraid,^'  he  said,  -that  I  should  believe 
Galileo's  theory  of  the  planetary  motion  My  brethren, 
look  into  the  telescope  of  revehition.  To  know  it,  to  stiKly 
it,  is  to  find  the  very  truth  of  God. 


Ingersoll's  Lecture 

ON 

SKULLS, 

ANl)  HIS 

REPLIES  TO  PROF.  SWING,  DR.  RYDER,  DR.  HERFORD, 
DR.  COLLYER,  AXD  OTHER  CRITICS. 


REPRINTED    PROM  "THE    CHICAGO    TIMES." 


L.U)iES  AND  Gentlemen:  Man  advances  just  iu  the  proportion  that 
he  mingles  his  thoughts  with  his  labor— just  in  the  proportion  that  he 
takes  advantage  of  the  forces  of  nature;  just  in  proportion  as  he  loses 
superstition  and  gains  confidence  in  himself  Man  advances  as  he 
ceases  to  fear  the  gods  and  learns  to  love  his  fellow-men.  It  is  all,  in 
my  judgment,  a  question  of  intellectual  development.  Tell  me  the 
religion  of  any  man  and  I  will  tell  you  the  degree  he  marks  on  the 
intellectual  thermometer  of  the  world.  It  is  a  simiile  question  of  brain. 
Those  amons  us  who  are  the  nearest  barbarism  have  a  barbarian  religion. 
Those  who  are  nearest  civilization  have  the  least  superstition.  It  is,  I 
say,  a  simple  question  of  brain,  and  I  want,  in  the  first  place,  to  lay  the 
foundation  to  prove  that  assertion. 

A  little  while  ago  I  saw  models  of  nearly  evcrytliing  that  man  has 
made.  I  saw  models  of  all  the  water  craft,  from  the  rude  dug-out  in 
which  floated  a  naked  savage  -  one  of  our  ancestors  -  a  naked  savage 
with  teeth  twice  as  long  as  his  forehead  was  high,  with  a  spoonful  of 
brains  in  the  back  of  his  orthodox  head-  I  saw  models  of  all  the  water 
craft  of  the  world,  from  that  dug-out  up  to  a  man-of-war  tl.at  carries  a 
hundred  guns  and  miles  of  canvas;  from  that  dug-out  to  the  steamship 

107 


108  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

that  turns  its  brave  prow  from  the  port  of  New  York,  with  a  compass 
like  a  conscience,  crossing  three  thousand  miles  of  billows  without  miss- 
ing a  throb  or  beat  of  its  mighty  iron  heart  from  shore  to  shore.  And  I 
saw  at  the  same  time  the  paintings  of  the  world,  from  the  rude  daub  of 
yellow  mud  to  the  landscapes  that  enrich  palaces  and  adorn  houses  of 
what  were  once  called  the  common  people.  I  saw  also  their  sculpture, 
from  the  rude  god  w4lh  four  legs,  a  half  dozen  arms,  several  noses,  and 
two  or  three  rows  of  ears,  and  one  Ltlle,  contemptible,  brainless  head, 
up  to  the  figures  of  to-day, — to  the  marbles  that  genius  has  clad  in  such 
a  personality  that  it  seems  almost  impudent  to  touch  them  without  an 
introduction.  I  saw  their  books — books  written  upon  the  skins  of  wild 
beasts — upon  shoulder-blades  of  sheep — books  written  upon  leaves,  upon 
bark,  up  to  the  splendid  volumes  that  enrich  the  libraries  of  our  day. 
When  I  speak  of  libraries  I  think  of  the  remark  of  Plato :  "A  house  that 
has  a  library  in  it  has  a  soul." 

I  saw  at  the  same  time  the  offensive  weapons  that  man  has  made,  from 
a  club,  such  as  was  grasped  by  that  same  siivage  when  he  crawled  from 
his  den  in  the  ground  and  hunted  a  snake  for  his  dinner :  from  that  club 
to  the  boomerang,  to  the  sword,  to  the  cross-bow,  to  the  blunderbuss,  to 
the  flint-lock,  to  the  cap-lock,  to  the  needle-gun,  up  to  a  cannon  cast  by 
Krupp,  capable  of  hurling  a  ball  weighing  two  thousand  pounds  through 
eighteen  inches  of  solid  steel.  I  saw,  too,  the  armor  from  the  shell  of  a 
turtle  that  one  of  our  brave  ancestors  lashed  upon  his  breast  when  he 
went  to  fight  for  his  country;  the  skin  of  a  porcupine,  dried  with  the 
quills  on,  which  this  same  savage  pulled  over  his  orthodox  head,  up  to 
the  shirts  of  mail  that  were  worn  in  the  middle  ages,  that  laughed  at  the 
edge  of  the  sword  and  defied  the  point  of  the  spear ;  up  to  a  monitor 
clad  in  complete  steel.  And  I  say  orthodox  not  only  in  the  matter  of 
religion,  but  in  everything.  Whoever  has  quit  growing  he  is  orthodox, 
whether  in  art,  polities,  religion,  philosophy — no  matter  what.  Whoever 
thinks  he  has  found  it  all  out  he  is  orthodox.  Orthodoxy  is  that  which 
rots,  and  heresy  is  that  which  grows  forever.  Orthodoxy  is  the  night 
of  the  past,  full  of*the  darkness  of  superstition,  and  heresy  is  the  eternal 
coming  day,  the  light  of  M'hich  strikes  the  grand  foreheads  of  the  intel- 
lectual pioneers  of  the  world.  I  saw  their  implements  of  agriculture, 
from  the  plow  made  of  a  crooked  stick,  atttached  to  the  horn  of  an  ox 
by  some  twisted  straw,  with  which  our  ancestors  scraped  the  earth,  and 
from  that  to  the  agricultural  implements  of  this  generation,  that  make 
it  possible  for  a  man  to  cultivate  the  soil  without  being  an  ignoramus. 
In  the  old  time  there  was  but  one  crop ;  and  when  the  rain  did  not 
come  in  answer  to  the  prayer  of  hypocrites  a  famine  came  and  people 
fell  upon  their  knees.  At  that  time  they  were  full  of  superstition.  They 
were  frightened  all  the  time  for  fear  that  some  god  would  be  enraged  at 


SKULLS  AND  REPLIES.  100 

his  poor,  hapless,  feeble  and  starving  children.  But  now,  instead  ot 
depending  upon  one  crop  they  have  several,  and  if  there  is  not  rain 
enough  for  one  there  may  be  enough  for  another.  And  if  the  frosts  kill 
all,  we  have  railroads  and  steamships  enough  to  bring  what  we  need 
from  some  other  part  of  the  world.  Since  man  has  found  out  some- 
thing about  agriculture,  the  gods  have  retired  from  the  business  of  pro- 
ducing famines. 

I  saw  at  the  same  time  their  musical  instruments,  from  the  tom-tom 
— that  is,  a  hoop  with  a  couple  of  strings  of  raw-hide  drawn  across  it — 
from  that  tom-tom,  up  to  the  instruments  we  have  to-day,  that  make 
the  common  air  blossom  with  melody,  and  I  said  to  myself  there  is  a 
regular  advancement.  I  saw  at  the  same  time  a  row  of  human  skulls, 
from  the  lowest  skull  that  has  been  found,  the  Neanderthal  skull — 
skulls  from  Central  Africa,  skulls  from  the  bushmen  of  Australia — 
skulls  from  the  farthest  isles  of  the  Pacific  Sea — up  to  the  best  skulls  of 
the  last  generation — and  I  noticed  that  there  was  the  same  difierence 
between  those  skulls  that  there  was  between  the  products  of  those  skulls, 
and  I  said  to  myself:  "After  all,  it  is  a  simple  question  of  intellectual 
development."  There  was  the  same  difference  between  those  skulls,  the 
lowest  and  highest  skulls,  that  there  was  between  the  dug-out  and  the 
man-of-war  and  the  steamship,  between  the  club  and  the  Krupp  gun, 
between  the  yellow  daub  and  the  landscape,  between  the  tom-tom  and 
an  opera  by  Verdi.  The  first  and  lowest  skull  in  this  row  was  the  den 
in  which  crawled  the  base  and  meaner  instincts  of  mankind,  and  the 
last  was  a  temple  in  which  dwelt  joy,  liberty  and  love.  And  I  said  to 
myself,  it  is  all  a  ([uestion  of  intellectual  development. 

Man  has  advanced  just  as  he  has  mingled  his  thought  with  his  labor. 
As  he  has  grown  he  has  taken  advantage  of  the  forces  of  nature ;  first  of 
the  moving  wind,  then  of  falling  water,  and  finally  of  steam.  From 
one  step  to  another  he  has  obtained  better  houses,  better  clothes,  and 
better  books,  and  he  h:is  done  it  by  holding  out  every  incentive  to  tiie 
ingenious  to  produce  them.  The  world  has  said,  give  us  better  clubs 
and  guns  and  cannons  with  which  to  kill  our  fellow  Christians.  And 
whoever  will  give  us  better  weapons  and  better  music,  and  better  houses 
to  live  in,  we  will  robe  him  in  wealth,  crown  him  in  honor,  and  render 
his  name  deathless.  Every  incentive  was  held  out  to  every  human  being 
to  improve  these  things,  and  that  is  the  reason  we  have  advanced  in  all 
mechanical  arts.  But  that  gentleman  in  the  dug-out  not  only  had  his 
ideas  about  politics,  mechanics,  and  agriculture;  he  had  his  ideas  also 
about  religion.  His  idea  about  politics  was  "  right  makes  might."  It 
will  be  thousands  of  years,  may  be,  before  mankind  will  believe  in  the 
saying  that  "right  makes  might."  He  had  his  religion.  That  low 
skull  was  a  devil  factory.     He  believed  in  Hell,  and  the  belief  was  aeon- 


110  MISTAKES  OF  INGEBSOLL. 

solation  to  liim.  He  could  see  the  waves  of  God's  wrath  dashing  against 
the  rocks  of  dark  damnation.  He  could  see  tossing  in  the  white-caps 
the  faces  of  women,  and  stretching  above  the  crests  the  dimpled  hands 
of  children;  and  he  regarded  these  things  as  the  justice  and  mercy  of 
God.  And  all  to-day  who  believe  in  this  eternal  punishment  are  the 
barbarians  of  the  nineteenth  century.  That  man  believed  in  a  devil, 
too,  that  had  a  long  tail  terminating  with  a  fiery  dart;  that  had  wings 
like  a  bat — a  devil  that  had  a  cheerful  habit  of  breathing  brimstone, 
that  had  a  cloven  foot,  such  as  some  orthodox  clergymen  seem  to  think 
I  have.  And  there  has  not  been  a  patentable  improvement  made  upon 
that  devil  in  all  the  years  since.  The  moment  you  drive  the  devil  out 
of  theology,  there  is  nothing  left  worth  speaking  of.  The  moment  they 
drop  the  devil,  away  goes  atonement.  The  moment  they  kill  the  devil, 
their  whole  scheme  of  salvation  has  lost  all  of  its  interest  for  mankind. 
You  must  keep  the  devil  and  you  must  keep  Hell.  You  must  keep  the 
devil,  because  with  no  devil  no  priest  is  necessary.  Now,  all  I  ask  is 
this — the  same  privilege  to  improve  upon  his  religion  as  upon  his  dug- 
out, and  that  is  what  I  am  going  to  do,  the  best  I  can.  No  matter  what 
church  you  belong  to,  or  what  church  belongs  to  us.  Let  us  be  honor 
bright  and  fair. 

I  want  to  ask  you :  Suppose  the  king,  if  there  was  one,  and  the  priest 
if  there  was  one  at  that  time,  had  told  these  gentlemen  in  the  dug-out: 
"  That  dug-out  is  the  best  boat  that  can  ever  be  built  by  man ;  the  pattern 
of  that  came  from  on  high,  from  the  great  God  of  storm  and  flood,  and 
any  man  who  says  he  can  improve  it  by  putting  a  stick  in  the  middle 
of  it  and  a  rag  on  the  stick,  is  an  infidel,  and  shall  be  burned  at  the 
stake;"  what,  in  your  judgment — honor  bright — would  have  been  the 
effect  upon  the  circumnavigation  of  the  globe?  Suppose  the  king,  if 
there  was  one,  and  the  priest,  if  there  was  one — and  I  presume  there 
was  a  priest,  because  it  was  a  very  ignorant  age — suppose  this  king  and 
priest  had  said :  "  The  tom-tom  is  the  most  beautiful  instrument  of 
music  of  which  any  man  can  conceive ;  that  is  the  kind  of  music  they 
have  in  Heaven ;  an  angel  sitting  upon  the  edge  of  a  glorified  cloud, 
golden  in  the  setting  sun,  playing  upon  that  tom-tom,  became  so  enrap- 
tured so  entranced  with  her  own  music,  that  in  a  kind  of  ecstasy  she 
dropped  it — that  is  how  we  obtained  it;  and  any  man  who  saj^s  it  can  be 
improved  by  putting  a  back  and  front  to  it,  and  four  strings,  and  a  bridge, 
and  getting  a  bow  of  hair  with  rosin,  is  a  blaspheming  wretch,  and  shall 
die  the  death," — I  ask  you,  what  effect  would  that  have  had  upon  music? 
If  that  course  had  been  pursued,  would  the  human  ears,  in  your  judg- 
ment, ever  have  been  enriched  with  the  divine  symphonies  of  Beethoven  ? 
Suppose  the  king,  if  there  was  one,  and  the  priest,  had  said :  "  That 
crooked  sticks  is  the  best  plow  that  can  be  invented ;  the  pattern  of  that 


SKULLS  AND  REPLIES.  Ill 

plow  was  given  to  a  pious  farmer  iu  an  exceedingly  holy  dream,  autl 
that  twisted  straw  is  the  ueplus  ultra  of  all  twisted  things,  and  any  man 
who  says  he  can  make  an  improvement  upon  that  plow,  is  an  atheist;" 
what,  in  your  judgment,  would  have  been  the  effect  upon  the  science  of 
agriculture  ? 

Kow,  all  I  ask  is  the  same  privilege  to  improve  upon  his  religion  as 
upon  his  mechanical  arts.  Why  don't  we  go  back  to  that  period  to  get 
the  telegraph  ?  Because  they  were  barbarians.  And  shall  we  go  to  bar- 
barians to  get  our  religion?  What  is  religion?  Religion  simply 
embraces  the  duty  of  man  to  man.  Religion  is  simply  the  science  of 
human  duty  and  the  duty  of  man  to  man — that  is  what  it  is.  It  is  the 
highest  science  of  all.  And  all  other  sciences  are  as  nothing,  except  as 
they  contribute  to  the  happiness  of  man.  The  science  of  religion  is  the 
highest  of  all,  embracing  all  others.  And  shall  we  go  to  the  barbarians 
to  learn  the  science  of  sciences  ?  The  nineteenth  century  knows  more 
about  religion  than  all  the  centuries  dead.  There  is  more  real  charity 
in  the  world  to-day  than  ever  before.  There  is  more  thought  to-day  than 
ever  before.  Woman  is  glorified  to-day  as  she  never  was  before  in  the 
history  of  the  world.  There  are  more  happy  families  now  than  ever 
before— more  children  treated  as  though  they  were  tender  blossoms  than 
as  though  they  M'cre  brutes  than  in  any  other  time  or  nation.  Re  ligion 
is  simply  the  duty  a  man  owes  to  man  ;  and  when  you  fall  upon  your 
knees  and  pray  for  something  you  know  not  of,  you  neither  benefit  the 
one  you  pray  for  nor  yourself.  One  ounce  of  restitution  is  worth  a  mil- 
lion of  repentances  anywhere,  and  a  man  will  get  along  faster  by  help- 
ing himself  a  minute  than  by  praying  ten  years  for  somebody  to  help 
him.  Suppose  you  were  coming  along  the  street,  and  found  a  party  of 
u>en  and  won>en  on  their  knees  praying  to  a  bank,  and  you  asked  them, 
"  Have  any  of  you  borrowed  any  money  of  this  bank  ?"  "  No,  but  our 
fathers,  tliiey,  to*,  prayed  to  this  bank."  "  Did  they  ever  get  any  ?"  "  No, 
not  tliat  we  ever  heard  of."  I  would  tell  them  to  get  up.  It  is  easier  to 
earn  it,  and  it  is  far  more  manly. 

Our  fathers  in  the  "  good  old  times,"— and  the  best  that  I  can  say  of 
the  "  good  old  times  "  is  that  they  are  gone,  and  the  best  I  can  say  of  the 
good  old  people  that  lived  in  them  is  that  they  are  gone,  too— believed 
that  you  made  a  man  think  your  way  by  force.  Well,  you  can't  do  it. 
There  is  a  splendid  something  in  man  fliat  says:  "I  won't;  I  won't 
be  driven."  But  our  fathers  thought  men  could  be  driven.  They  tried 
it  in  the  "  good  old  times."  I  used  to  read  about  the  manner  in  which 
the  early  Christians  made  converts— how  they  impressed  upon  the  world 
the  idea  that  God  loved  them.  I  have  read  it,  but  it  didn't  burn  into  my 
soul.  I  didn't  think  much  about  it— I  heard  so  much  about  l)eing  fried 
forever  in  Hell  that  it  didn't  seem  so  bad  to  burn  a  feu-  minutes.     I  love 


112  MISTAKES  OF  INQEESOLL. 

liberty  and  I  liate  all  persecutions  in  the  name  of  God.  I  never  appre- 
ciated the  infamies  that  have  been  committed  in  the  name  of  religion 
until  I  saw  the  iron  arguments  that  Christians  used.  I  saw,  for  instance, 
the  thumb-screw,  two  little  innocent  looking  pieces  of  iron,  armed  with 
some  little  protuberances  on  the  inner  side  to  keep  it  from  slipping 
down,  and  through  each  end  a  screw,  and  when  some  man  had  made 
some  trifling  remark,  as,  for  instance,  that  he  never  believed  that  God 
made  a  fish  swallow  a  man  to  keep  him  from  drowning,  or  something 
like  that,  or,  for  instance,  that  he  didn't  believe  in  baptism.  You  know 
that  is  very  wrong.  You  can  see  for  yourselves  the  justice  of  damning 
a  man  if  his  parents  had  happened  to  baptize  him  in  the  wrong  way — 
God  can  not  afford  to  break  a  rule  or  two  to  save  all  the  men  in  the 
world.  I  happened  to  be  in  the  company  of  some  Baptist  ministers 
once — you  may  wonder  how  I  happened  to  be  in  such  company  as  that — 
and  one  of  them  asked  me  what  I  thought  about  baptism.  Well,  I  told 
them  I  hadn't  thought  much  about  it— that  I  had  never  sat  up  nights 
on  that  question.  I  said :  "  Baptism— with  soap— is  a  good  institution." 
Now,  when  some  man  had  said  some  trifling  thing  like  that,  they  put 
this  thumb-screw  on  him,  and  in  the  name  of  universal  benevolence  and 
for  the  love  of  God — man  has  never  persecuted  man  for  the  love  of  man ; 
man  has  never  persecuted  another  for  the  love  of  charity— it  is  always 
for  the  love  of  something  he  calls  God,  and  every  man's  idea  of  God  is 
his  own  idea.  If  there  is  an  infinite  God,  and  there  may  be— I  d^n't 
know — there  may  be  a  million  for  all  I  know — I  hope  there  is  more 
than  one — one  seems  so  lonesome.  They  kept  turning  this  down,  and 
when  this  was  done,  most  men  would  saj^:  "  I  will  recant,"  I  think  I 
would.  There  is  not  much  of  the  martyr  about  me.  I  would  have  told 
them :  "  Now  you  write  it  down,  and  I  will  sign  it.  You  may  have 
one  God  or  a  million,  one  Hell  or  a  million.  You  stop  that— I  am 
tried." 

Do  you  know,  sometimes  I  have  thought  that  all  the  hj'pocrites  in  the 
world  are  not  worth  one  drop  of  honest  blood.  I  am  sorry  that  any 
good  man  ever  died  for  religion.  I  would  rather  let  them  advance  a 
little  easier.  It  is  too  bad  to  see  a  good  man  sacrificed  for  a  lot  of  wild 
beasts  and  cattle.  But  there  is  now  and  then  a  man  who  would  not 
swerve  the  breadth  of  a  hair.  There  was  now  and  then  a  sublime  heart 
willing  to  die  for  an  intellectual  conviction,  and  had  it  not  been  for  these 
men  we  would  have  been  wild  beasts  and  savages  to-day.  There  were 
some  men  who  would  not  take  it  back,  and  had  it  not  been  for  a  few 
such  brave,  heroic  souls  in  every  age  we  would  have  been  cannibals, 
with  pictures  of  wild  beasts  tattooed  upon  our  breasts,  dancing  around 
some  dried-snake  fetish.  And  so  they  turned  it  down  to  the  last  thread 
of  agony,  and  threw  the  victim  into  some  dungeon,  where,  in  the  throb- 


SKULLS  AND  REPLIES.  113 

"bing  silence  and  darkness,  he  might  suffer  the  agonies  of  the  fabled 
damned.  This  was  done  in  the  name  of  love,  in  the  name  of  mercy,  in 
the  name  of  the  compassionate  Christ.  And  the  men  that  did  it  are  the 
men  that  made  our  Bible  for  us. 

I  saw,  too,  at  the  same  time,  the  collar  of  torture.  Imagine  a  circle  of 
iron,  and  on  the  inside  a  hundred  points  almost  as  sharp  as  needles. 
This  argument  was  fastened  about  the  throat  of  the  sufferer.  Then  he 
could  not  walk  nor  sit  down,  nor  stir  without  the  neck  being  punctured 
by  these  points.  In  a  little  while  the  throat  would  begin  to  swell,  and 
suffocation  would  end  the  agonies  of  that  man.  This  man,  it  may  be, 
had  committed  the  crime  of  saying,  with  tears  upon  his  checks,  "  I  do 
not  believe  that  God,  the  father  of  us  all,  will  damn  to  eternal  perdition 
any  of  the  children  of  men."  And  that  was  done  to  convince  the  world 
that  God  so  loved  the  world  that  He  died  for  us.  That  was  in  order 
that  people  might  hear  the  glad  tidings  of  great  joy  to  all  people. 

I  saw  another  instrument,  called  the  scavenger's  daughter.  Imagine 
a  pair  of  shears  with  handles,  not  only  where  they  now  are,  but  at  the 
points  as  well  and  just  above  the  pivot  that  unites  the  blades  a  circle  of 
iron.  In  the  upper  handles  the  hands  would  be  placed;  in  the  lower, 
the  feet;  and  through  the  iron  ring,  at  the  centre,  the  head  of  the  victim 
would  be  forced,  and  in  that  position  the  man  would  be  thrown  upon 
the  earth,  and  the  strain  upon  the  muscle  would  produce  sucii  agony 
that  insanity  took  pity.  And  this  was  done  to  keep  people  from  going 
to  Hell— to  convince  that  man  that  he  had  made  a  mistake  in  his  hjgic— 
and  it  was  done,  too,  by  Protestants — Protestants  that  persecuted  to  the 
extent  of  their  power,  and  that  is  as  much  as  Calliolicism  ever  did. 
They  would  persecute  now  if  they  had  the  power.  There  is  not  a  man 
in  this  vast  audience  who  will  say  that  the  church  should  have  temporal 
power.  There  is  not  one  of  you  but  what  believes  in  the  eternal  divorce 
of  church  and  state.  Is  it  possible  that  the  only  people  who  iwe  fit  to 
go  to  heaven  are  the  only  people  not  fit  to  rule  mankind  ? 

I  saw  at  the  same  time  the  rack.  This  was  a  box  like  the  bed  of  a 
wagon,  with  a  windlass  at  each  end,  and  ratchets  to  prevent  slipping. 
Over  each  windlass  went  chains,  and  when  some  man  had,  for  instance, 
denied  the  doctrine  of  the  trinity,  a  doctrine  it  is  necessary  to  believe  in 
order  to  get  to  Heaven  —  but,  thank  the  Lord,  you  don't  have  to  under- 
stand it.  This  man  merely  denied  that  three  times  one  was  one,  or 
maybe  he  denied  that  there  was  ever  any  Son  in  the  world  exactly  as 
old  as  his  father,  or  that  there  ever  was  a  boy  eternally  older  than  his 
mother— then  they  put  that  man  on  the  rack.  Nobody  had  ever  been 
persecuted  for  calling  God  bad— it  has  always  been  for  calling  him  good. 
When  I  stand  here  to  say  that,  if  there  is  a  Hell,  God  is  a  fiend;  they 
say  that  is  very  bad.     They  say  I  am  trying  to  tear  down  the  insiitu- 


114  MISTAKES  OF  INGEBSOLL. 

tions  of  public  virtue.  But  let  me  tell  you  one  thing;  there  is  no  refor- 
mation in  fear  —  you  can  scare  a  man  so  that  he  won't  do  it  sometimes^ 
but  I  will  swear  you  can't  scare  him  so  bad  that  he  won't  want  to  do  it. 
Then  they  put  this  man  on  the  rack  and  priests  began  turning  these 
levers,  and  kept  turning  until  the  ankles,  the  hips,  the  shoulders,  the 
elbows,  the  wrists,  and  all  the  joints  of  the  victim  were  dislocated,  and 
he  was  wet  with  agony,  and  standing  by  was  a  ph^^siciaii  to  feel  his 
pulse.  What  for  ?  To  save  his  life  ?  Yes.  In  mercy  ?  No.  But  in. 
order  that  they  might  have  the  pleasure  of  racking  him  once  more. 
And  this  was  the  Christian  spirit.  This  was  done  in  the  name  of  civili- 
zation, in  the  name  of  religion,  and  all  these  wretches  who  did  it  died  in 
peace.  There  is  not  an  orthodox  preacher  in  the  city  that  has  not  a 
respect  for  every  one  of  them.  As,  for  instance,  for  John  Calvin,  who 
was  a  murderer  and  nothing  but  a  murderer,  who  would  have  disgraced 
an  ordinary  gallows  by  being  hanged  upon  it.  These  men  when  they 
came  to  die  were  not  frightened.  God  did  not  send  any  devils  into 
their  death-rooms  to  make  mouths  at  them.  He  reserved  them  for 
Voltaire,  who  brought  religious  liberty  to  France.  He  reserved  them 
for  Thomas  Paine,  who  did  more  for  liberty  than  all  the  churches.  But 
all  the  inquisitors  died  with  the  white  hands  of  peaco  folded  over  the 
breast  of  piety.  And  when  they  died,  the  room  was  filled  with  the  rustle 
of  the  wings  of  angels,  waiting  to  bear  the  wretches  to  Heaven. 

When  I  read  these  frightful  books  it  seems  to  me  sometimes  as  though 
I  had  sufl'ered  all  these  things  myself.  It  seems  sometimes  as  though  I 
had  stood  upon  the  shore  of  exile,  and  gazed  with  tearful  eyes  toward 
home  and  native  land ;  it  seems  to  me  as  though  I  had  been  staked  out. 
upon  the  sands  of  the  sea,  and  drowned  by  the  inexorable,  advancing 
tide ;  as  though  my  nails  had  been  torn  from  my  hands,  and  into  the 
bleeding  quick  needles  had  been  thrust ;  as  though  my  feet  had  been 
crushed  in  iron  boots ;  as  though  I  had  been  chained  in  the  cell  of  the 
Inquisition,  and  listened  with  dying  ears  for  the  coming  footsteps  of 
release;  as  though  I  had  stood  upon  the  scaffold  and  saw  the  glittering 
axe  fall  upon  me ;  as  though  I  had  been  upon  the  rack  and  had  seen, 
bending  above  me,  the  white  faces  of  hypocrite  priests ;  as  though  I 
had  been  taken  from  my  fireside,  from  my  wife  and  children,  taken  to 
the  public  square,  chained;  as  though  fagots  had  been  piled  about  me; 
as  though  the  flames  had  climbed  around  my  limbs  and  scorched  my 
eyes  to  blindness,  and  as  though  my  ashes  had  been  scattered  to  the  four 
winds  by  all  the  countless  hands  of  hate.  And,  while  I  so  feel,  I  swear 
that  while  I  live  I  will  do  what  little  I  can  to  augment  the  liberties  of 
man,  woman  and  child.  I  denounce  slavery  and  superstition  every- 
where. I  believe  in  liberty,  and  liappiness,  and  love,  and  joy  in  this 
world.     I  am  amazed  that  any  man  ever  had  the  impudence  to  try  and 


SKULLS  AND  REPLIES.  115 

do  another  man's  thinking.  I  have  just  as  good  a  right  to  talk  about 
theology  as  a  minister.  If  they  all  agreed  I  might  admit  it  was  a 
science,  but  as  they  all  disagree,  and  the  more  they  study  the  wider  they 
get  apart,  I  may  be  permitted  to  suggest  it  is  not  a  science.  When  no 
two  will  tell  you  the  road  to  Heaven — that  is,  giving  you  the  same  route 
— 9nd  if  you  would  inquire  of  them  all,  you  would  just  give  up  trying 
to  go  there,  and  say:  "  I  may  as  well  stay  where  I  am,  and  let  the  Lord 
come  to  me." 

Do  you  know  that  this  world  has  not  been  fit  for  a  lady  and  gentle- 
man to  live  in  for  twenty-five  years,  just  on  account  of  slavery.  It  was 
not  until  the  year  1808  that  Great  Britain  abolished  the  slave  trade,  and 
up  to  that  time  her  judges,  her  priests  occupying  her  pulpits,  the  mem- 
bers of  the  royal  family,  owned  stock  in  the  slave  ships,  and  luxuriated 
upon  the  profits  of  piracy  and  murder.  It  was  not  until  the  same  year 
that  the  United  States  of  America  abolished  the  slave  trade  between  this 
and  other  countries,  but  carefully  preserved  it  as  between  the  states.  It 
was  not  until  the  28th  day  of  August,  1833,  that  Great  Britain  abolished 
human  slavery  in  her  colonies;  and  it  was  not  until  the  1st  day  of  Jan- 
uary, 1863,  that  Abraham  Lincoln,  sustained  by  the  sublime  and  heroic 
North,  rendered  our  flag  pure  as  the  sky  in  which  it  floats.  Abraham 
Lincoln  was,  in  my  judgment,  in  many  respects,  the  grandest  man  ever 
president  of  the  United  States.  Upon  his  monument  these  words  should 
be  written :  "  Here  sleeps  the  only  man  in  the  history  of  the  world,  who, 
having  been  clothed  with  almost  absolute  power,  never  abused  it,  except 
upon  the  side  of  mercy." 

For  two  hundred  years  the  Christians  of  the  United  States  deliberately 
turned  the  cross  of  Christ  into  a  whipping-post.  Christians  bred  hounds 
to  catch  other  Christians.  Let  me  show  you  what  the  Bible  has  done 
for  mankind :  "  Servants,  be  obedient  to  your  masters."  The  only  word 
coming  from  that  sweet  Heaven  was,  "  Servants,  obey  your  masters." 
Frederick  Douglas  told  me  that  he  had  lectured  upon  the  subject  of 
freedom  twenty  years  before  he  was  permitted  to  set  his  foot  in  a  church. 
I  tell  you  the  world  has  not  been  fit  to  live  in  for  twenty-five  years. 
Then  all  the  people  used  to  cringe  and  crawl  to  preachers.  Mr.  Buckle, 
in  his  history  of  civilization,  shows  that  men  were  even  struck  dead  for 
speaking  impolitely  to  a  priest.  God  would  not  stand  it.  See  how  they 
used  to  crawl  before  cardinals,  bishops  and  popes.  It  is  not  so  now. 
Before  wealth  they  bowed  to  the  very  earth,  and  in  the  presence  of  titles 
they  became  abject.  All  this  is  slowly,  but  surely  changing.  We  no 
longer  bow  to  men  simply  because  they  are  rich.  Our  fathers  wor- 
shipped the  golden  calf  The  worst  you  can  say  of  an  American  now 
is,  he  worships  the  gold  of  the  calf.  Even  the  calf  is  beginning  to  see 
this  distip.ction. 


116  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

The  time  will  come  when  no  matter  how  much  money  a  man  has,  he 
will  not  he  respected  unless  he  is  using  it  for  the  benefit  of  his  fellow- 
men.  It  will  soon  be  here.  It  no  longer  satisfies  the  ambition  of  a  great 
man  to  be  king  or  emperor.  The  last  Napoleon  w^as  not  satisfied  with 
being  the  emperor  of  the  French.  He  was  not  satisfied  with  having  a 
circlet  of  gold  about  his  head.  He  wanted  some  evidence  that  he  had 
something  of  value  within  his  head.  So  he  wrote  the  life  of  Julius 
Coesar,  that  he  might  become  a  member  of  the  French  academy.  The 
emperors,  the  kings,  the  popes,  no  longer  tower  above  their  fellows. 
Compare,  for  instance,  King  William  and  Helmholtz.  The  king  is  one 
of  the  anointed  by  the  Most  High,  as  they  claim— one  upon  whose  head 
has  been  poured  the  divine  petroleum  of  authority.  Compare  this  king 
with  Helmholtz,  who  towers  an  intellectual  Colossus  above  the  crowned 
mediocrity.  Compare  George  Eliot  with  Queen  Victoria.  The  queen 
is  clothed  in  garments  given  her  by  blind  fortune  and  unreasoning 
chance,  while  George  Eliot  wears  robes  of  glory  woven  in  the  loom  of 
her  own  genius.  And  so  it  is  the  world  over.  The  time  is  coming  when 
a  man  will  be  rated  at  his  real  worth,  and  that  \)j  his  brain  and  heart. 
We  care  nothing  now  about  an  officer  unless  he  fills  his  place.  No  mat- 
ter if  he  is  president,  if  he  rattles  in  the  place  nobody  cares  anything 
about  him.  I  might  give  you  an  instance  in  point,  but  I  won't.  The 
world  is  getting  better  and  grander  and  nobler  every  day. 

Now,  if  men  have  been  slaves,  if  they  have  crawled  in[the  dust  before 
one  another,  what  shall  I  say  of  women  ?  They  have  been  the  slaves  of 
men.  It  took  thousands  of  ages  to  bring  women  from  abject  slavery  up 
DO  the  divine  height  of  marriage.  I  believe  in  marriage.  If  there  is 
any  Heaven  upon  earth  it  is  in  the  family  by  the  fireside,  and  the  family 
is  a  unit  of  government.  Without  the  family  relation  is  tender,  pure 
and  true,  civilization  is  impossible.  Ladies,  the  ornaments  you  wear 
upon  your  persons  to-night  are  but  the  souvenirs  of  your  mother's  bond- 
age. The  chains  around  your  necks,  and  the  bracelets  clasped  upon 
your  white  arms  by  the  thrilled  hand  of  love,  have  been  changed  by  the 
wand  of  civilization  from  iron  to  shining,  glittering  gold.  Nearly  every 
civilization  in  this  world  accounts  for  the  devilment  in  it  by  the  crimes 
of  woman.  They  say  woman  brought  all  the  trouble  into  the  world.  I 
don't  care  if  she  did.  I  would  rather  live  in  a  world  full  of  trouble  with 
the  women  I  love,  than  to  live  in  Heaven  with  nobody  but  men.  I  read 
in  a  book  an  account  of  the  creation  of  the  world.  The  book  I  have 
taken  pains  to  say  was  not  written  by  any  God.  And  why  do  I  say  so  ? 
Because  I  can  write  a  far  better  book  myself.  Because  it  is  full  of  bar- 
barisms. Several  ministers  in  this  city  have  undertaken  to  answer  me 
—notably  those  who  don't  believe  the  Bible  themselves.     I  want  to  ask 


SKULLS  AND  REPLIES.  117 

Every  minister  in  tlie  C'liy  of  Chicago  that  answers  me,  and  those 
who  have  answered  me  had  better  answer  me  again  —  I  want  them  to 
say,  and  without  any  sort  of  evasion  —  without  resorting  to  any  pious 
tricks  —  I  want  them  to  say  whether  they  believe  that  the  Eternal  God 
of  this  universe  ever  upheld  the  crime  of  polygamy.  Say  it  square  and 
fair.  Don't  begin  to  talk  about  that  being  a  peculiar  time,  and  that  God 
was  easy  on  the  prejudices  of  those  old  fellows.  I  want  them  to  answer 
that  question  and  to  answer  it  squarely,  which  they  haven't  done.  Did 
this  God,  which  you  pretend  to  worship,  ever  sanction  the  institution  of 
human  slavery?  Now,  answer  fair?  Don't  slide  around  it.  Don't 
begin  and  answer  what  a  bad  man  I  am,  nor  what  a  good  man  Moses 
was.  Stick  to  the  text.  Do  jow  believe  in  a  God  that  allowed  a  man  to 
be  sold  from. his  children?  Do  you  worship  such  an  infinite  monster? 
And  if  you  do,  tell  your  congregation  wiiether  you  are  not  ashamed  to 
admit  it.  Let  every  minister  who  answers  me  again  tell  whether  he 
believes  God  commanded  his  general  to  kill  the  little  dimpled  babe  in 
the  cradle.  Let  him  answer  it.  Don't  say  that  those  were  very  bad 
times.  Tell  whether  He  did  it  or  not,  and  then  your  people  will  know 
whether  to  hate  that  God  or  not.  Be  honest.  Tell  them  whether  that 
God  in  war  captured  young  maidens  and  turned  them  over  to  the  soldiers ; 
and  then  ask  the  wives  and  sweet  girls  of  your  congregation  to  get  down 
on  their  knees  and  worship  the  infinite  fiend  that  did  that  thing. 
Answer!  It  is  your  God  I  am  talking  about,  and  if  that  is  what  God 
did,  please  tell  your  congregation  what,  under  the  same  circumstances, 
the  devil  w^ould  have  done.  Don't  tell  your  people  that  is  a  poem. 
Don't  tell  your  people  that  is  pictorial.  That  w^on't  do.  Tell  your 
people  whether  it  is  true  or  false.     That  is  what  I  want  you  to  do. 

In  this  book  I  have  read  about  God's  making  the  world  and  one  man. 
That  is  all  he  intended  to  make.  The  making  of  woman  was  a  second 
thought,  though  I  am  willing  to  admit  that  as  a  rule  second  thoughts 
are  best.  This  God  made  a  man  and  put  him  in  a  public  park.  In  a 
little  while  He  noticed  that  the  man  got  lonesome ;  then  He  found  He 
had  made  a  mistake,  and  that  He  would  have  to  make  somebody  to  keep 
him  company.  But  having  used  up  all  the  nothing  He  originally  used 
in  making  the  world  and  one  man.  He  had  to  take  a  part  of  a  man  to 
start  a  woman  with.  So  He  causes  sleep  to  fall  on  this  man — now  under- 
stand me,  I  do  not  say  this  story  is  true.  After  the  sleep  had  fallen  on 
this  man  the  Supreme  Being  took  a  rib,  or,  as  the  French  would  call 
it,  a  cutlett,  out  of  him,  and  from  that  He  made  a  woman ;  and  I  am 
willing  to  swear,  taking  into  account  the  amount  and  quality  of  the  raw 
material  used,  this  was  the  most  magnificent  job  ever  accomplished  in 
this  w^orld.  Well,  after  He  got  the  woman  done  she  was  brought  to  the 
man,  not  to  see  how  she  liked  him,  but  to  see  how  he  liked  her.     He 


118  MISTAKES  OB'  INGERSOLL. 

liked  her  and  they  started  housekeeping,  and  they  were  told  of  certain 
things  they  miglit  do  and  of  one  thing  they  could  not  do— and  of  course 
they  did  it.  I  would  have  done  it  in  fifteen  minutes,  I  know  it.  There 
wouldn't  have  been  an  apple  on  that  tree  half  an  hour  from  date,  and 
the  limbs  would  have  been  full  of  clubs.  And  then  they  were  turned 
out  of  the  park  and  extra  policemen  were  put  on  to  keep  them  from 
getting  back.  And  then  trouble  commenced  and  we  have  been  at  it  ever 
since.  Nearly  all  of  the  religions  of  this  world  account  for  the  exist- 
ence of  evil  by  such  a  story  as  that. 

Well,  I  read  in  another  book  what  appeared  to  be  an  account  of  the 
same  transaction.  It  was  wTitten  about  four  thousand  years  before  the 
other.  All  commentators  agree  that  the  one  that  M\as  written  last  was 
the  original,  and  the  one  that  was  written  first  was  copied  from  the  one 
that  was  written  last.  But  I  would  advise  you  all  not  to  allow  your 
creed  to  be  disturbed  by  a  little  matter  of  four  or  five  thousand  j^ears. 
It  is  a  great  deal  better  to  be  mistaken  in  dates  than  to  go  to  the  devil. 
In  this  other  account  the  Supreme  Brahma  made  up  his  mind  to  make 
the  world  and  a  man  and  woman.  He  made  the  world,  and  he  made 
the  man  and  then  the  woman,  and  put  them  on  the  Island  of  Ceylon. 
According  to  the  account  it  was  the  most  beautiful  island  of  which  man 
can  conceive.  Such  birds,  such  songs,  such  flowers,  and  such  verdure! 
And  the  branches  of  the  trees  were  so  arranged  that  when  the  wind 
swept  through  them  every  tree  was  a  thousand  ^olian  harps.  Brahma, 
when  he  put  them  there,  said  :  "  Let  them  have  a  period  of  courtship, 
for  it  is  my  desire  and  will  that  true  love  should  torever  precede  mar- 
riage." When  I  read  that,  it  was  so  much  more  beautiful  and  lofty  than 
the  other,  that  I  said  to  myself:  "  If  either  one  of  these  stories  ever 
turns  out  to  be  true,  I  hope  it  will  be  this  one." 

Then  they  had  their  courtship,  with  the  nightingale  singing  and  the 
stars  shining  and  the  flowers  blooming,  and  they  fell  in  love.  Imacfine 
that  courtship !  No  prospective  fathers  or  mothers-in-law ;  no  prying 
and  gossiping  neighbors;  nobody  to  say,  "Young  man,  how  do  3^ou 
expect  to  support  her?"  Nothing  of  that  kind — nothing  but  the  night- 
ingale singing  its  song  of  joy  and  pain,  as  though  the  thorn  alreadj'- 
touched  its  heart.  They  w^ere  married  by  the  Supreme  Brahma,  and  he 
said  to  them,  "  Remain  here;  you  must  never  leave  this  islanel."  Well, 
after  a  little  while  the  man — and  his  name  was  Adami,  and  the  woman's 
name  was  Heva— said  to  Heva:  "I  believe  I'll  look  about  a  little." 
He  wanted  to  go  West.  He  went  to  the  western  extremity  of  the  island 
where  there  was  a  little  narrow  neck  of  land  connecting  it  with  the 
mainland,  and  the  Devil,  who  is  always  playing  pranks  with  us,  pro- 
duced a  mirage,  and  when  he  looked  over  to  the  mainland,  such  hills 
and  vales,  such  dells  and  dales,  such  mountains  crowned  with  snow, 


SKULLS  AND  HE  FLIES.  119 

tsuch.  cataracts  clad  in  bows  of  glory  did  he  see  there,  that  he  went  back 
and  told  Heva:  "The  country  over  there  is  a  thousand  times  better 
than  this;  let  us  migrate."  bhe,  like  every  other  woman  that  ever 
lived,  said :  "  Let  well  enough  alone ;  we  have  all  we  want ;  let  us  stay 
here."  But  he  said :  "  No,  let  us  go ;"  so  she  followed  him,  and  when 
they  came  to  this  narrow  neck  of  land,  he  took  her  on  his  back  like  a 
gentleman,  and  carried  her  over.  But  the  moment  tiiey  got  over  Ihey 
heard  a  crash,  and,  looking  back,  discovered  that  this  narrow  neck  of 
land  had  fallen  into  the  sea.  The  mirage  had  disappeared,  and  there 
was  naught  but  rocks  and  sand,  and  then  the  Supreme  Brahma  cursed 
them  both  to  the  lowest  Hell. 

Then  it  was  that  the  man  spoke — and  I  have  liked  him  ever  since  for 
it — "  Curse  me,  but  curse  not  her ;  it  was  not  her  fault,  it  was  mine." 
That's  the  kind  of  a  man  to  start  a  world  with.  The  Supreme  Brahma 
said :  "  I  will  save  her  but  not  thee."  And  then  spoke  out  of  her  full- 
ness of  love,  out  of  a  heart  in  which  there  was  love  enough  to  make 
all  her  daughters  rich  in  holy  affection,  and  said:  "  If  thou  wilt  not 
spare  him,  spare  neither  me ;  I  do  not  wish  to  live  without  him,  I 
love  him."  Then  the  Supreme  Brahma  said — and  I  have  liked  him 
ever  since  I  read  it — "  I  will  spare  you  both,  and  watch  over  you  and 
your  children  forever."  Honor  bright,  is  that  not  the  better  and 
grander  story  ? 

And  in  that  same  book  I  find  this:  "Man  is  strength,  woman  is 
beauty ;  man  is  courage,  woman  is  love.  When  the  one  man  loves  the 
one  woman,  and  the  one  woman  loves  the  one  man,  the  very  angels 
leave  Heaven,  and  come  and  sit  in  that  house,  and  sing  for  joy."  In  the 
same  book  this :  "  Blessed  is  that  man,  and  beloved  of  all  the  gods,  who 
is  afraid  of  no  man,  and  of  whom  no  man  is  afraid."  Magnificent  char- 
acter! A  missionary  certainly  ought  to  talk  to  that  man.  And  I  find 
this:  "  Never  will  I  accept  private,  individual  salvation,  but  rather  will 
I  stay  and  work,  strive  and  suffer,  until  every  soul  from  every  star  has 
been  brought  home  to  God."  Compare  that  with  the  Christian  that 
expects  to  go  to  Heaven  while  the  world  is  rolling  over  Niagara  to  an 
eternal  and  unending  Hell.  So  I  say  that  religion  lays  all  the  crime  and 
troubles  of  this  world  at  the  beautiful  feet  of  woman.  And  then  the 
church  has  the  impudence  to  say  that  it  has  exalted  women.  I  Ijelieve 
that  marriage  is  a  perfect  partnership ;  that  woman  has  every  right  that 
man  has— and  one  more — the  right  to  be  protected.  Above  all  men  in 
the  world  I  hate  a  stingy  man— a  man  that  will  make  his  wife  beg  for 
money.  "What  did  you  do  with  the  dollar  I  gave  you  last  week?" 
"  And  what  are  you  going  to  do  with  this  ?  "  It  is  vile.  No  gentleman 
will  ever  be  satisfied  with  the  love  of  a  beggar  and  a  slave— no  gentle- 
man  will  ever  be  satisfied  except  with  the  love  of  an  equal.     What  kind 


120  MISTAKES  OF  INGEBSOLL. 

of  children  does  a  man  expect  to  have  with  a  beggar  for  their  mother? 
A  man  can  not  be  so  poor  but  that  he  can  be  generous,  and  if  you 
only  have  one  dollar  in  the  world  and  you  have  got  to  spend  it,  spend 
it  like  a  lord — spend  it  as  though  it  Avere  a  dry  leaf,  and  you  the  owner 
of  unbounded  forests — spend  it  as  though  you  had  a  wilderness  of  your 
own.    That's  the  way  to  spend  it. 

I  had  rather  be  a  beggar  and  spend  my  last  dollar  like  a  king,  than 
be  a  king  and  spend  my  money  like  a  beggar.  If  it  has  got  to  go  let  it 
go.  And  this  is  my  advice  to  the  poor.  For  you  can  never  be  so  poor 
that  wdiatever  you  do  you  can't  do  in  a  grand  and  manly  way.  I  hate  a 
cross  man.  What  right  has  a  man  to  assassinate  the  joy  of  life  ?  When 
you  go  home  you  ought  to  go  like  a  ray  of  light — so  that  it  will,  even, 
in  the  night,  burst  out  of  the  doors  and  window^s  and  illuminate  the 
darkness.  Some  men  think  their  mighty  brains  have  been  in  a  turmoil ; 
they  have  been  thinking  about  who  will  be  Alderman  from  the  Fifth 
Ward;  they  have  been  thinking  about  politics,  great  and  mighty  ques- 
tions have  been  engaging  their  minds,  they  have  boui:ht  calico  at  five 
cents  or  six,  and  w^ant  to  sell  it  for  seven.  Think  of  the  intellectual 
strain  that  must  have  been  upon  that  man,  and  when  he  gets  home 
everybody  else  in  the  house  must  look  out  for  his  comfort.  A  woman 
who  has  only  taken  care  of  five  or. six  children,  and  one  or  two  of  them, 
sick,  has  been  nursing  them  and  singing  to  them,  and  trying  to  make 
one  yard  of  cloth  do  the  work  of  tw^o,  she,  of  course,  is  fresh  and  fine 
and  ready  to  w^ait  upon  this  gentleman — the  head  of  the  family — the 
boss ! 

I  was  reading  the  other  day  of  an  apparatus  invented  for  the  eject- 
ment of  gentlemen  who  subsist  upon  free  lunches.  It  is  so  arranged 
that  when  the  fellow  gets  both  hands  into  the  victuals,  a  large  hand 
descends  upon  him,  jams  his  hat  over  his  eyes — he  is  seized,  turned 
toward  the  door,  and  just  in  the  nick  of  time  an  immense  boot  comes, 
from  the  other  side,  kicks  him  in  italics,  sends  him  out  over  the  side- 
walk and  lands  him  rolling  in  the  gutter.  I  never  hear  of  such  a 
m'an  — a  boss — that  I  don't  feel  as  though  that  machine  ought  to  be 
brought  into  requisition  for  his  benefit. 

Love  is  the  only  thing  that  will  pay  ten  percent  of  interest  on  the  out- 
lay. Love  is  the  only  thing  in  which  the  height  of  extravagance  is  the 
last  degree  of  economy.  It  is  the  only  thing,  I  tell  you.  Joy  is  wealth. 
Love  is  the  legal  tender  of  the  soul  —  and  you  need  not  be  rich  to  be 
happy.  We  have  all  been  raised  on  success  in  this  country.  Always 
been  talked  with  about  being  successful,  and  have  never  thought  our- 
selves very  rich  unless  we  were  the  possessors  of  some  magnificent  man- 
sion, and  unless  our  names  have  been  between  the  putrid  lips  of  rumor 
we  could  not  be  happy.     Every  little  boy  is  striving  to  be  this  and  be 


SKULLS  AND  BEFLIES.  121 

that.  I  tell  you  the  happy  man  is  the  successful  mau.  T-.e  man  that 
has  won  the  love  of  one  good  woman  is  a  successful  man.  The  man 
that  has  been  the  emperor  of  one  good  heart,  and  that  heart  embraced  all 
his,  has  been  a  success.  If  another  has  been  the  emperor  of  the  round 
world  and  has  never  loved  and  been  loved,  his  life  is  a  failure.  It  won't 
do.  Let  us  teach  our  children  the  other  way,  that  the  happy  man  is  the 
successful  man,  and  he  who  is  a  happy  man  is  the  one  who  always  tries 
to  make  some  one  else  happy. 

The  man  who  marries  a  woman  to  make  her  hapny ;  that  marries  her 
as  much  for  her  own  sake  as  for  his  own ;  not  the  mau  that  thmks  his 
wife  is  his  property,  who  thinks  that  the  title  to  her  belongs  to  him  — 
that  the  woman  is  the  property  of  the  man ;  wretches  who  get  mad  at 
their  wives  and  then  shoot  them  down  in  the  street  because  they  think 
the  woman  is  their  property.  I  tell  you  it  is  not  necessary  to  be  rich 
and  great  and  powerful  to  be  happy. 

A  little  while  ago  I  stood  by  the  grave  of  the  old  Napoleon — a  mag- 
nificent tomb  of  gilt  and  gold,  fit  almost  for  a  dead  deity — and  gazed 
upon  the  sarcophagus  of  black  Egyptian  marble,  where  rest  at  last  the 
ashes  of  the  restless  man.  I  leaned  over  the  balustrade  and  thought 
about  the  career  of  the  greatest  soldier  of  the  modern  world.  I  saw  him 
walking  upon  the  banks  of  the  Seine,  contemplating  suicide— I  saw 
him  at  Toulon— I  saw  him  putting  down  the  mob  in  the  streets  of  Paris 
— I  saw  him  at  the  head  of  the  army  of  Italy— I  saw  him  crossing  the 
bridge  of  Lodi  with  the  tri-color  in  his  hand — I  saw  him  in  Egypt  in 
the  shadows  of  the  pyramids— I  saw  him  conquer  the  Alps  and  mingle 
the  eagles  of  France  with  the  eagles  of  the  crags.  I  saw  him  at  Marengo 
— at  Ulm  and  Asterlitz.  I  saw  him  in  Russia,  where  the  infantry  of  the 
snow  and  the  cavalry  of  the  wild  blast  scattered  his  legions  like  Winter's 
withered  leaves.  I  saw  him  at  Leipsic  in  defeat  and  disaster — driven  by 
a  million  bayonets  back  upon  Paris — clutched  like  a  wild  beast — ban- 
ished to  Elba.  I  saw  him  escape  and  retake  an  empire  by  the  force  of 
his  genius.  I  saw  him  upon  the  frightful  field  of  Waterloo,  where 
chance  and  fate  combined  to  wreck  the  fortunes  of  their  former  king. 
And  I  saw  him  at  St.  Helena,  with  his  hands  crossed  behind  him,  gazing 
out  upon  the  sad  and  solemn  sea.  I  thought  of  the  orphans  and  widows 
he  had  made— of  the  tears  that  had  been  shed  for  his  glory,  and  of  the 
only  woman  who  ever  loved  him,  pushed  from  his  heart  by  the  cold 
hand  of  ambition.  And  I  said  I  would  rather  have  been  a  French  peas- 
ant and  worn  wooden  shoes.  I  would  rather  have  lived  m  a  hut  wiili  a 
vine  growing  over  the  door,  and  the  grapes  growing  purple  in  the  kisses 
of  the  Autumn  sun.  I  would  rather  have  been  that  poor  peasant  with 
my  loving  wife  by  my  side,  knitting  as  the  day  died  out  of  tlie  sky — 
with  my  children  upon  my  knees  and  their  arms  about  me.     I  would 


133  MISTAKES  OB'  INQEUSOLL. 

rather  have  been  that  man  and  gone  down  to  the  tongueless  silence  of 
the  dreamless  dust,  than  to  have  been  that  imperial  impersonation  of 
force  and  murder  known  as  Napoleon  the  Great.  It  is  not  necessary  to 
be  rich  in  order  to  be  happy.  It  is  only  necessary  to  be  in  love.  Thou- 
sands of  men  go  to  college  and  get  a  certificate  that  they  have  an  edu- 
cation, and  that  certificate  is  in  Latin  and  they  stop  studying,  and  in  two 
years  to  save  their  life  they  couldn't  read  the  certificate  they  got. 

It  is  mostly  so  in  marrying.  They  stop  courting  when  they  get  mar- 
ried. They  think,  we  have  won  her  and  that  is  enough.  Ah  !  the  difl'er- 
ence  before  and  after!  How  well  they  look!  How  bright  their  eyes ! 
How  light  their  steps,  and  how  full  they  were  of  generosity  and  laughter ! 
I  tell  you  a  man  should  consider  himself  in  good  luck  if  a  woman  loves 
him  when  he  is  doing  his  level  best !  Good  luck!  Good  luck!  And 
another  thing  that  is  the  cause  of  much  trouble  is  that  people  don't  count 
fairly.  They  do  what  they  call  putting  their  best  foot  forward.  That 
means  lying  a  little.  I  say  put  your  worst  foot  forward.  If  you  have 
got  any  faults  admit  them.  If  you  drink,  say  so  and  quit  it.  If  you 
chew  and  smoke  and  swear,  say  so.  If  some  of  your  kindred  are  not 
very  good  people,  say  so.  If  you  have  had  two  or  three  that  died  on  the 
gallows,  or  that  ought  to  have  died  there,  say  so.  Tell  all  your  faults, 
and  if  after  she  knows  your  faults  she  says  she  will  have  you,  you  have 
got  the  dead  wood  on  that  woman  forever.  I  claim  that  there  should  be 
perfect  equality  in  the  home,  and  I  can  not  think  of  anything  nearer 
Heaven  than  a  home  where  there  is  true  republicanism  and  true  democ- 
racy at  the  fireside.    All  are  equal. 

And  then,  do  you  know,  I  like  to  think  that  love  is  eternal ;  that  if 
you  really  love  the  woman,  for  her  sake,  3'ou  will  love  her  no  matter 
what  she  may  do;  that  if  she  really  loves  you,  for  your  sake,  the  same; 
that  love  does  not  look  at  alterations,  through  the  WTinkles  of  time, 
through  the  mask  of  years — if  you  really  love  her  you  will  always  see 
the  face  you  loved  and  won.  And  I  like  t3  think  of  it.  If  a  man  loves 
a  woman  she  docs  not  ever  grow*old  to  him,  and  the  WM)mau  who  really 
loves  a  man  does  not  see  that  he  grows  old.  He  is  not  decrepit  to  her, 
He  is  not  tremulous.  He  is  not  old.  He  is  not  bowed.  She  always 
sees  the  same  gallant  fellow  that  won  her  hand  and  heart.  I  like  to 
think  of  it  in  that  way,  and  as  Shakspeare  says:  "Let  Time  reach  with 
his  sickle  as  far  as  ever  he  can ;  although  he  can  reach  ruddy  cheeks  and 
ripe  lips,  and  flashing  eyes,  he  can  not  quite  reach  love."  I  like  to  think 
of  ir.  We  will  go  down  the  hill  of  life  together,  and  enter  the  shadow 
one  with  the  other,  and  as  we  go  down  we  may  hear  the  ripple  of  the 
hiuglitcr  of  our  grandchildren,  and  the  birds,  and  spring,  and  youth,  and 
love  will  sing  once  more  upon  the  leafless  branches  of  the  tree  of  age. 


SKULLS  AND  REPLIES.  123 

I  love  to  think  of  it  in  that  way— absolute  equals,  happy,  happy,  and 
free,  all  our  own. 

But  some  people  say :  "Would  you  allow  a  woman  to  vote?"  Yes, 
if  she  wants  to;  that  is  her  business,  not  mine.  If  a  woman  wants  to 
vote,  I  am  too  much  of  a  gentleman  to  say  she  shall  not.  But  they  say 
woman  has  not  sense  enough  to  vote.  It  don't  take  much.  But  it  seems 
to  me  there  are  some  questions^as  for  instance,  the  question  of  peace  and 
war,  that  a  woman  should  be  allowed  to  vote  upon.  A  woman  that  has 
sons  to  be  offered  on  the  altar  of  that  Moloch,  it  seems  to  me  that  such  a 
grand  woman  should  have  as  much  right  to  vote  upon  the  question  of 
peace  and  war  as  some  thrice-besotted  sot  that  reels  to  the  ballot  box  and 
deposits  his  vote  for  war.  But  if  women  have  been  slaves,  what  shall 
we  say  of  the  little  children  born  in  the  sub-cellars;  children  of  poverty, 
children  of  crime,  children  of  wealth,  children  that  are  afraid  when 
they  hear  their  names  pronounced  by  the  lips  of  the  mother,  ciiildren 
that  cower  in  fear  when  they  hear  the  footsteps  of  their  brutal  father, 
the  flotsam  and  jetsam  upon  the  rude  sea  of  life,  my  heart  goes  out  to 
them  one  and  all. 

Children  have  all  the  rights  that  we  have  and  one  more,  and  that  is  to 
be  protected.  Treat  your  children  in  that  way.  Suppose  yourchild  tells 
a  lie.  Don't  pretend  that  the  whole  world  is  going  into  bankruptcy. 
Don't  pretend  that  that  is  the  first  lie  ever  told.  Tell  them,  like  an  hon- 
est man,  that  you  have  told  hundreds  of  lies  yourself,  and  tell  the  dear 
little  darling  that  it  is  not  the  best  way ;  that  it  soils  the  soul.  Think  of 
the  man  that  deals  in  stocks  whipping  his  children  for  putting  false 
rumors  afloat!  Thmk  of  an  orthodox  minister  whipping  his  own  flesh 
and  blood,  for  not  telling  all  it  thinks!  Think  of  that!  Think  of  a 
lawyer  beating  his  child  for  avoiding  the  truth!  when  the  old  man 
makes  about  half  his  living  that  way.  A  lie  is  born  of  weakness  on  one 
side  and  tyranny  on  the  other.  That  is  what  it  is.  Think  of  a  great  big 
man  coming  at  a  little  bit  of  a  child  with  a  club  in  his  hand '  What  is 
the  little  darling  to  do?  Lie,  of  course.  I  think  that  mother  Nature 
put  that  ingenuity  into  the  mind  of  the  child,  when  attacked  by  a  parent, 
to  throw  up  a  little  breastwork  in  the  shape  of  a  lie  to  defend  itself. 
When  a  great  general  wins  a  battle  by  what  they  call  strategy,  v/e  build 
monuments  to  him.  Wliat  is  strategy  ?  Lies.  Suppose  a  man  as  much 
larger  than  we  are  as  we  are  larger  than  a  child  five  years  of  aij;c,  should 
come  at  us  with  a  liberty  pole  in  his  hand,  and  in  tones  of  thunder  want 
to  know  "v/ho  broke  that  plate,"  there  isn't  one  of  us,  not  excepting 
myself,  that  wouldn't  swear  that  we  never  had  seen  that  plate  in  our 
lives,  or  that  it  was  cracked  when  we  got  it. 

Another  good  way  to  make  children  tell  the  truth  is  to  tell  it  yourself 
Keep  your  word  with  your  child  the  same  as  you  would  with  your 


K-;  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

banker.  If  you  tell  a  child  you  will  do  anything,  either  do  it  or  give- 
the  cliild  the  reason  why.  Truth  is  born  of  confidence.  It  comes  from, 
the  lips  of  love  and  liberty.  I  was  over  in  Michigan  the  other  day. 
There  M^as  a  boy  over  there  at  Grand  Rapids  about  five  or  six  years  old, 
a  nice,  smart  bo}',  as  you  will  see  from  the  remark  he  made — what  you 
might  call  a  nineteenth  century  boy.  His  father  and  mother  had  prom- 
ised to  take  him  out  riding.  They  had  promised  to  take  him  out  riding 
for  about  three  weeks,  and  they  would  slip  off  and  go  without  him. 
Well,  after  a  while,  that  got  kind  of  played  out  with  the  little  boy,  and 
the  day  before  I  was  there  they  played  the  trick  on  him  again.  They 
went  out  and  got  the  carriage,  and  went  away,  and  as  they  rode  away 
from  the  front  of  the  house,  he  happened  to  be  standing  there  with  his 
nurse,  and  he  saw  them.  The  whole  thing  flashed  on  him  in  a  moment. 
He  took  in  the  situation,  and  turned  to  his  nurse  and  said,  pointing  to 

his  father  and  mother:  "There  goes  the  two  d 1  liars  in  the  Stale  of 

Michigan!"  When  you  go  liome  fill  the  house  with  joy,  so  that  the 
light  of  it  will  stream  out  the  windows  and  doors,  and  illuminate  even 
the  darkness.     It  is  just  as  easy  that  v.'ay  as  any  in  the  world. 

I  want  to  tell  you  to-night  that  you  can  not  get  the  robe  of  hypocrisy 
on  you  so  thick  that  the  sharp  eye  of  childhood  will  not  see  through 
every  veil,  and  if  you  pretend  to  your  children  that  you  are  the  best  man 
that  ever  lived — the  bravest  man  that  ever  lived — they  will  find  you  out 
every  time.  They  will  not  have  the  same  op m ion  of  father  when  they 
grow  up  that  they  used  to  have.  They  will  have  to  be  in  mighty  bad 
luck  if  they  ever  do  meaner  things  than  you  have  done.  When  your 
child  confesses  to  you  that  it  has  committed  a  fault,  take  that  child  in 
your  arms,  and  let  it  feel  your  heart  beat  against  its  heart,  and  raise  your 
children  in  the  sunlight  of  love,  and  they  will  be  sunbeams  to  you 
along  the  pathway  of  life.  Abolish  the  club  and  the  whip  from  the 
house,  because,  if  the  civilized  use  a  whip,  the  ignorant  and  the  brutal 
will  use  a  club,  and  they  will  use  it  because  you  use  the  whip. 

Every  little  while  some  door  is  thrown  open  in  some  orphan  asylum, 
and  there  we  see  the  bleeding  back  of  a  child  wiiipped  beneath  tho  roof 
that  was  raised  by  love.  It  is  infamous,  and  the  man  that  can't  raise  a 
child  without  the  whip  ought  not  to  have  a  child.  If  there  is  one  of 
you  here  that  ever  expect  to  whip  your  child  again,  let  me  ask  you  some- 
thing. Hcwe  your  photograph  taken  at  the  time  and  let  it  show  your 
face  red  with  vulgar  anger,  and  the  face  of  the  little  one  with  eyes 
swimming  in  tears,  and  the  little  chin  dimpled  with  fear,  looking  like  a 
piece  of  water  struck  by  a  sudden  cold  wind.  If  that  little  child  should 
die,  I  can  not  tiiink  of  a  sweeter  way  to  spend  an  Autumn  afternoon 
than  to  take  that  pliotograph  and  go  to  the  cemetery,  when  the  maples 
are  clad  in  tender  gold,  and  when  little  scarlet  runners  are  coming  from 


SKULLS  AND  REPLIES.  135 

■die  sad  heart  of  the  earth,  and  sit  down  upou  that  mound,  and  hjok  upon 
that  photograph,  and  think  of  the  Hesh,  now  dust,  lliat  you  beat.  Just 
think  of  it.  I  could  not  bear  to  die  in  the  arms  of  a  child  that  I  had 
whipped.  I  could  not  bear  to  feel  upou  my  lips,  when  they  were 
withered  beneath  the  touch  of  death,  the  kiss  of  one  that  I  had  struck. 
Some  Christians  act  as  though  they  really  thought  that  when  Christ 
said,  "Suffer  little  children  to  come  unto  me,"  He  had  a  rawhide  under 
His  coat.  They  act  as  though  they  really  thought  that  He  made  that 
remark  simply  to  get  the  children  within  striking  distance. 

I  have  known  Christians  to  turn  their  children  from  their  doors, 
especially  a  daughter,  and  then  get  down  on  their  knees  and  pray  to  God 
to  watch  over  them  and  help  them.  I  will  never  ask  God  to  help  my 
children  unless  I  am  doing  my  level  best  in  that  same  wretched  line. 
1  will  Idl  you  what  I  say  to  my  girls:  '•  Go  where  you  will ;  do  what 
crime  you  may,  fall  to  what  depth  of  degradation  you  may;  in  all  the 
storms  and  winds  and  earthquakes  of  life,  no  matter  what  you  do,  you 
never  can  commit  any  crime  that  will  shut  my  door,  my  arms  or  my 
heart  to  you.  As  long  as  I  live  you  shall  have  one  sincere  friend."  Call 
me  an  antheist;  call  me  an  infidel  because  I  hate  the  God  of  the  Jew— 
which  I  do.  I  intend  so  to  live  that  when  1  die  my  children  can  come 
to  my  grave  and  truthfully  say :  "  He  who  sleeps  here  never  gave  us  one 
moment  of  pain." 

When  I  was  a  boy  there  was  one  day  in  each  week  too  good  for  a 
child  to  be  happy  in.  In  these  good  old  times  Sunday  commenced  when 
the  sun  went  down  on  Saturday  night,  and  closed  when  the  sun  went 
down  on  Sunday  night.  We  commenced  Saturday  to  get  a  good  ready. 
And  when  the  sun  w^ent  down  Saturday  night  there  was  a  gloom  deeper 
than  midnight  that  fell  upon  the  house.  You  could  not  crack  hickory 
nuts  then.  And  if  you.  were  caught  chewing  gum,  it  was  only  another 
evidence  of  the  total  depravity  of  the  human  heart.  Well,  after  a  while 
we  got  to  bed  sadly  and  sorrowfully  after  having  heard  Heaven  thanked 
that  we  were  not  all  in  Hell.  And  I  sometimes  used  to  wonder  how  the 
mercy  of  God  lasted  as  long  as  it  did,  because  I  recollected  that  on  sev- 
eral  occasions  I  had  not  been  at  school,  when  I  was  supposed  to  be  there. 
Why  I  was  not  burned  to  a  crisp  w^as  a  mystery  to  me.  The  next  morn- 
ing  we  got  up  and  we  got  ready  for  church— all  solemn,  and  when  we  got 
there  the  minister  was  up  in  the  pulpit,  about  twenty  feet  higli,  and  he 
commenced  at  Genesis  about  "  The  fall  of  man,"  and  he  went  on  to  about 
twenty  thirdly;  then  he  struck  the  second  application,  and  when  he 
struck  the  application  I  knew  he  was  about  half  way  through.  And 
then  he  went  on  to  show  the  scheme  how  the  Lord  was  satisfied  by  pun- 
ishing the  wrong  man.  Nobody  but  a  God  would  have  thought  of  that 
ingenious  way.  Veil,  when  he  got  through  that,  then  came  the  catechism 


136  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

— the  chief  end  of  man.  Then  my  tura  came,  and  we  sat  along  on  a  little 
bench  where  our  feet  came  within  about  fifteen  inches  of  the  floor,  and  the 
dear  old  minister  used  to  ask  us: 

"Boys,  do  you  know  that  you  ought  to  be  in  Hell  ?" 

And  we  answered  up  as  cheerfully  as  could  be  expected  under  the  cir- 
cumstances : 

"  Yes,  sir." 

"  Well,  boys,  do  you  know  that  you  would  go  to  Hell  if  you  died  in 
your  sins?" 

And  we  said :   "  Yes,  sir." 

And  thea  came  the  great  test: 

"Boys" — I  can't  get  the  tone,  you  know.  And  do  you  know  that  is 
how  the  preachers  get  the  bronchitis.  You  never  heard  of  an  auctioneer 
getting  the  bronchitis,  nor  the  second  mate  on  a  steamboat — never. 
What  gives  it  to  the  minister  is  talking  solemnly  when  they  don't  feel 
that  wa}'-,  and  it  has  the  same  influence  upon  the  organs  of  speech  that 
it  would  have  upon  the  cords  of  the  calves  of  your  legs  to  walk  on  your 
tip-toes,  and  so  I  call  bronchitis  "  parsonitis."  And  if  the  ministers 
would  all  tell  exactly  what  they  think  they  would  all  get  well,  but  keep- 
ing back  a  part  of  the  truth  is  what  gives  them  bronchitis. 

Well  the  old  man — the  dear  old  minister — used  to  try  and  show  us 
how  long  we  would  be  in  Hell  if  we  would  only  locate  there.  But  to 
finish  the  other.     The  grand  test  question  was : 

"  Boys,  if  it  was  God's  will  that  you  should  go  to  Hell,  would  you  be 
willing  to  go?" 

And  every  little  liar  said : 

"  Yes,  sir." 

Then,  in  order  to  tell  how  long  we  would  stay  there,  he  used  to  eay : 

"  Suppose  once  in  a  billion  ages  a  bird  should  come  from  a  far  distant 
clime  and  carry  ofi"  in  its  bill  one  little  grain  of  sand,  the  time  would 
finally  come  when  the  last  grain  of  sand  would  be  carried  away.  Do 
you  understand? 

"  Yes,  sir." 

"  Boys,  by  that  time  it  would  not  be  sun-up  in  Hell." 

Where  did  that  doctrine  of  Hell  come  from  ?  I  will  tell  you ;  from  that 
fellow  in  the  dug-out.  Where  did  he  get  it?  It  was  a  souvenir  from 
the  wild  beasts.  Yes,  I  tell  you  he  got  it  from  the  wild  beasts,  from  the 
glittering  eye  of  the  serpent,  from  the  coiling,  twisting  snakes  with  their 
fangs  mouths ;  and  it  came  from  the  bark,  growl  and  howl  of  wild  beasts; 
it  was  born  of  a  laugh  of  the  hyena  and  got  it  from  the  depraved  chatter 
of  malicious  apes.  And  I  despise  it  with  every  drop  of  my  blood  and 
defy  it.  If  there  is  any  God  in  this  universe  who  will  damn  his  children 
for  an  expression  of  an  honest  thought  I  wish  to  go  to  Hell.     I  M'ould 


SKULLS  jiND  REPLIES.  127 

rather  go  there  than  go  to  Heaven  and  keep  the  company  of  a  God  that 
would  thus  damn  his  children.  Oh !  it  is  an  infamous  doctrine  to  teach 
that  to  little  children,  to  put  a  shadow  in  the  heart  of  a  child  to  fill  the  in- 
sane asylums  with  that  miserable,  infamous  lie.  I  see  now  and  then  a 
litlle  girl— a  dear  little  darling,  with  a  face  like  the  light,  and  eyes  of 
joy,  a  human  blossom,  and  I  think,  "  is  it  possible  that  little  girl  will 
ever  grow  np  to  be  a  Presbyterian?''  Is  it  possible,  my  goodness,  that 
that  flower  will  finally  believe  in  the  five  points  of  Calvinism  or  in  the 
eternal  damnation  of  man?"  Is  it  possible  that  that  little  fairy  will 
finally  believe  that  she  could  be  happy  in  Heaven  with  her  baby  in  Hell  ? 
Think  of  it !     Think  of  it !     And  that  is  the  Christian  religion ! 

We  cry  out  against  the  Indian  mother  that  throws  her  child  into  the 
Ganges  to  be  devoured  by  the  alligator  or  crocodile,  but  that  is  joy  in 
comparison  with  the  Christian  mother's  hope,  that  she  may  be  in  salva- 
tion while  her  brave  boy  is  in  Hell. 

I  tell  you  I  want  to  kick  the  doctrine  about  Hell — I  want  to  kick  it  out 
every  time  I  go  by  it.  I  want  to  get  Americans  in  this  country  placed 
so  they  will  be  ashamed  to  preach  it.  I  want  to  get  the  congregations  so 
that  they  won't  listen  to  it.  We  can  not  divide  the  world  off  into 
saints  and  sinners  in  that  way.  There  is  a  little  girl,  fair  as  a  flower, 
and  she  grows  up  until  she  is  twelve,  thirteen,  or  fourteen  years  old. 
Are  you  going  to  damn  her  in  the  fifteenth,  sixteenth  or  seventeenth  year, 
when  the  arrow  from  Cupid's  bow  touches  her  heart  and  she  is  glorified 
— are  you  going  to  damn  her  now  ?  She  marries  and  loves,  and  holds  in 
her  arms  a  beautiful  child.  Are  you  going  to  damn  her  now  ?  When  are 
you  going  to  damn  her?  Because  she  has  listened  to  some  Methodist 
minister  and  after  all  that  flood  of  light  failed  to  believe?  Are  you 
going  to  damn  her  then  ?  I  tell  you  God  can  not  afl"ord  to  damn  such  a 
woman. 

A  woman  in  the  State  of  Indiana  forty  or  filty  years  ago  who  carded 
the  wool  and  made  rolls  and  spun  them,  and  made  the  cloth  and  cut  out 
the  clothes  for  the  children,  and  nursed  them,  and  sat  up  with  them 
nights  and  gave  them  medicine,  and  held  thfm  in  her  arms  and  wept 
over  them— cried  for  joy  and  wept  for  fear,  and  finally  raised  ten  or 
eleven  good  men  and  women  with  the  ruddy  glow  of  health  upon  their 
cheeks,  and  she  would  have  died  for  any  one  of  them  any  moment  of 
her  life,  and  finally  she,  bowed  with  age  and  bent  with  care  and  labor, 
dies,  and  at  the  moment  the  magical  touch  of  death  is  upon  her  face, 
she  looks  as  though  she  never  had  had  a  care,  and  her  children  burying  her 
cover  her  face  with  tears.  Do  you  tell  me  God  can  afford  to  damn  that 
kind  of  a  woman?  One  such  act  of  injustice  would  turn  Heaven  itself 
into  Hell.  If  there  is  any  God,  sitting  above  him  in  infinite  serenity  we 
have  the  figure  of  justice.     Even  a  God  mu^t  do  justice;  even  a  God 


128  MISTAKES  OF  INOERSOLL. 

must  worship  justice;  and  any  form  of  superstition  tliat  destroys  justice 
is  infamous !  Just  think  of  teaching  that  doctrine  to  little  children !  A 
little  child  would  go  out  into  the  garden,  and  there  would  be  a  little  tree 
laden  with  blossoms,  and  the  little  fellow  would  lean  against  it,  and 
there  would  be  a  bird  on  one  of  the  bows,  singing  and  swinging,  and 
thinking  about  four  little  speckled  eyes  warmed  by  the  breast  of  its 
mate, — singing  and  swinging,  and  the  music  in  happy  waves  rippling 
out  of  the  tiny  throat,  and  the  flowers  blossoming,  the  air  filled  with 
perfume,  and  the  great  white  clouds  floating  in  the  sky,  and  the  little  boy 
would  lean  up  against  the  tree  and  think  about  Hell  and  the  worm  that 
never  dies.  Oh  !  the  idea  there  can  be  any  day  too  good  for  a  child  to 
be  happy  in ! 

Well,  after  we  got  over  the  catechism,  then  came  the  sermon  in  the 
afternoon,  and  it  was  exactly  like  the  one  in  the  fore-noon,  except  the 
other  end  to.  Then  we  started  for  home — a  solemn  march — "  not  a  soldier 
discharged  his  farewell  shot" — and  when  we  got  home  if  we  had  been 
real  good  boys  we  used  to  be  taken  up  to  the  cemetery  to  cheer  us  up, 
and  it  always  did  cheer  me,  those  sunken  graves,  those  leaning  stones, 
those  gloomy  epitaphs  covered  with  the  moss  of  years  always  cheered 
me.  When  I  looked  at  them  I  said :  "  Well,  this  kind  of  thing  can't 
last  always."  Then  we  came  back  home,  and  we  had  books  to  read 
which  were  very  eloquent  and  amusing.  We  had  Josephus,  and  the 
"  History  of  the  Waldenses,"  and  "  Fox's  Book  of  Martyrs,"  Baxter's 
"Saint's  Rest,"  and  "Jenkyu  on  the  Atonement."  I  used  to  read 
Jenkyn  with  a  good  deal  of  pleasure,  and  I  often  thought  that  the  atone- 
ment would  have  to  be  very  broad  in  its  provisions  to  cover  the  case  of 
a  man  that  would  write  such  a  book  for  the  boys.  Then  I  would  look 
to  see  how  the  sun  was  getting  on,  and  sometimes  I  thougt  it  had  stuck 
from  pure  cusscdness.  Then  I  would  go  back  and  try  Jenkyu's  again. 
Well,  but  it  had  to  go  down,  and  when  the  last  rim  of  light  sank  below 
the  horizon,  ofi  would  go  our  hats  and  we  would  give  three  cheers  for 
liberty  once  again. 

I  tell  you,  don't  make  slaves  of  your  children  on  Sunday. 

The  idea  that  there  is  any  God  that  hates  to  hear  a  child  laugh !  Let 
your  children  play  games  on  Sunday.  Here  is  a  poor  man  that  hasn't 
money  enough  to  go  to  a  big  church  and  he  has  too  much  independence 
to  go  to  a  little  church  that  the  big  church  built  for  charity.  He  don't 
want  to  slide  into  Heaven  that  way.  I  tell  you  don't  come  to  church, 
but  go  to  the  woods  and  take  your  family  and  a  lunch  with  you,  and  sit 
down  upon  the  old  log  and  let  the  children  gather  flowers  and  hear  the 
leaves  whispering  poems  like  memories  of  long  ago,  and  when  the  sun  is 
about  going  down,  kissing  the  summits  of  far  hills,  go  home  with  your 
hearts  filled  with  throbs  of  joy.    There  is  more  recreation  and  joy  in  that 


SKULLS  AND  liEPLJEJS.  129 

than  goino:  to  a  dry  goods  box  with  a  steeple  ou  lop  of  it  and  hearing  a 
man  tell  you  that  your  chances  are  about  ninety-nine  to  one  for  being 
eternally  damned.  Let  us  make  this  Sunday  a  day  of  splendid  pleasure, 
not  to  excess,  but  to  everything  that  makes  man  purer  and  grander  and 
nobler.  I  would  like  to  see  now  something  like  this:  Instead  of  so 
many  churches,  a  vast  cathedral  that  would  hold  twenty  or  thirty  thou- 
sand of  people,  and  I  would  like  to  see  an  opera  })roduced  in  it  that  would 
make  the  souls  of  men  have  higher  and  grander  and  nobler  aims.  I 
would  like  to  see  the  walls  covered  with  pictures  and  the  niches  rich 
with  statuary;  I  would  like  to  see  something  put  there  that  you  could 
use  in  this  world  now,  and  I  do  not  believe  in  sacrificing  the  present  to 
the  future;  I  do  not  believe  in  drinking  skimmed  milk  here  with  the 
promise  of  butter  beyond  the  clouds.  Space  or  time  can  not  be  holy  any 
more  than  a  vacuum  can  be  pious.  Not  a  bit,  not  a  bit ;  and  no  day  can 
be  so  holy  but  what  the  laugh  of  a  child  will  make  it  holier  still. 

Strike  with  hand  of  fire,  on,  weird  musician,  thy  harp,  strung  with 
Apollo's  golden  hair!  Fill  the  vast  cathedral  aisles  with  symphoDies 
sweet  and  dim,  deft  toucher  of  the  organ's  keys;  blow,  bugler,  blow 
until  thy  silver  notes  do  touch  and  kiss  the  moonlit  waves,  and  charm 
the  lovers  wandering  'mid  the  vine-clad  hills.  But  know  your  sweetest 
strains  are  discords  all  compared  with  childhood's  happy  laugh — the 
laugh  that  fills  the  eyes  with  light  and  every  heart  with  j  oy  !  O,  rippling 
river  of  laughter,  thou  art  the  blessed  boundary  line  between  the  beasts 
and  men,  and  every  wayward  wave  of  thine  doth  drown  some  fretful 
fiend  of  care.  O  Laughter,  rose  lipped  daughter  of  Joy,  there  are  dim- 
ples enough  in  thy  cheeks  to  catch  and  hold  and  glorify  all  the  tears  of 
grief. 

Don't  plant  your  children  in  long,  straight  rows,  like  posts.  Let  them 
have  light  and  air  and  let  them  grow  beautiful  as  palms.  Wlieu  I  was 
a  little  boy  children  went  to  bed  when  they  were  not  sleepy,  and  always 
got  up  when  they  were.  I  would  like  to  see  that  changed,  but  they  say 
we  are  too  poor,  some  of  us,  to  do  it.  "Well,  all  right.  It  is  as  easy  to 
wake  a  child  with  a  kiss  as  with  a  blow ;  with  kindness  as  with  a  curse, 
And,  another  thing;  let  the  children  eat  what  they  want  to.  Let  them 
commence  at  whichever  end  of  the  dinner  they  desire.  That  is  my  doc- 
trine. They  know  what  they  want  much  better  than  you  do.  Nature 
is  a  great  deal  smarter  than  you  ever  were. 

All  the  advance  that  has  been  made  in  the  science  of  medicine,  has 
been  made  by  the  recklessness  of  patients.  I  can  recollect  when  they 
wouldn't  give  a  man  water  in  a  fever— not  a  drop.  Now  and  then  some 
fellow  would  get  so  thirsty  he  would  say:  "  Well,  I'll  die  any  way,  so 
I'll  drink  it,"  and  thereupon  he  would  drink  a  gallon  of  water,  and 
thereupon  he  would  burst  into  a  generous  perspiration,  and  get  well— 


130  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

and  the  next  moroiug  when  the  doctor  would  come  to  see  him  they 
would  tell  him  about  the  man  drinking  the  water,  and  he  would  say: 
"How  much?'' 

"Well,  he  swallowed  two  pitchers  full," 

"Is  he  alive?" 

"Yes." 

So  they  would  go  into  the  room  and  the  doctor  would  feel  his  pulse 
and  ask  him : 

"  Did  you  drink  two  pitchers  of  water  ?" 

"Yes." 

"  My  God !  what  a  constitution  you  have  got." 

I  tell  you  there  is  something  splendid  in  man  that  will  not  always 
mind.  Why,  if  we  had  done  as  the  kings  told  us  five  hundred  years 
ago,  we  would  all  have  been  slaves.  If  we  had  done  as  the  priests  told 
us  we  would  all  have  been  idiots.  If  we  had  done  as  the  doctors  told 
us  we  would  all  have  been  dead.  We  have  been  saved  by  disobedience. 
We  have  been  saved  by  that  splendid  thing  called  independence,  aad  I 
want  to  see  more  of  it,  day  after  day,  and  I  want  to  see  children  raised 
so  they  will  have  it.  That  is  my  doctrine.  Give  the  children  a  chance. 
Be  perfectly  honor  bright  with  them,  and  they  will  be  your  friends  when 
you  are  old.  Don't  try  to  teach  them  something  they  can  never  learn. 
Don't  insist  upon  their  pursuing  some  calling  they  have  no  sort  of  fac- 
ulty for.  Don't  make  that  poor  girl  play  ten  years  on  a  piano  when  she 
lias  no  ear  for  music,  and  when  she  has  practiced  until  she  can  play 
"Bonaparte  crossing  the  Alps,"  and  you  can't  tell  after  she  has  played 
it  whether  Bonaparte  ever  got  across  or  not.  Men  are  oaks,  women  are 
vines,  children  are  flowers,  and  if  there  is  any  Heaven  in  this  world,  it  is 
in  the  family.  It  is  where  the  wife  loves  the  husband,  and  the  husband 
loves  the  wife,  and  where  the  dimpled  arms  of  children  are  about  the 
necks  of  both.  That  is  Heaven,  if  there  is  any — and  I  do  not  want  any 
better  Heaven  in  another  vvorld  than  that,  and  if  in  another  world  I  can 
not  live  with  the  ones  I  loved  here,  tiien  I  would  rather  not  be  there. 
I  would  rather  resign. 

Well,  my  friends,  I  have  some  excuses  to  make  for  the  race  to  which 
I  belong.  In  the  first  place,  this  world  is  not  very  well  adapted  to  rais- 
ing good  men  and  good  women.  It  is  three  times  better  adapted  to  the 
cultivation  of  fish  than  of  people.  There  is  one  little  narrow  belt  running 
zigag  around  the  world,  in  v/hich  men  and  women  of  genius  can  be 
raised,  and  that  is  all.  It  is  with  man  as  it  is  with  vegetation.  In  the 
valley  you  find  the  oak  and  elm  tossing  their  branches  defiantly  to  the 
storm,  and  as  you  advance  up  the  mountain  side  the  hemlock,  the  pine, 
the  bircli,  the  spruce,  the  fir,  and  finally  you  come  to  little  dwarfed  trees, 
that  look  like  other  trees  seen  through  a  telescope  reversed — every  limb 


SKULLS  AND  REPLIES.  131 

twisted  as  through  pain — getting  a  scanty  substance  from  the  miserly 
crevices  of  the  rocks.  You  go  on  and  on,  until  at  last  the  highest  crag  is 
freckled  with,  a  kind  of  moss,  and  vegetation  ends.  You  miglit  as  well 
try  to  raise  oaks  and  elms  where  the  mosses  grow,  as  to  raise  great  men 
and  great  women  where  their  surroundings  are  unfavorable.  You  must 
have  the  proper  climate  and  soil. 

There  never  has  been  a  man  or  woman  of  genius  from  the  southern 
hemisphere,  because  the  Lord  didn't  allow  the  right  climate  to  fall  upon 
the  land.  It  falls  upon  the  water.  There  never  was  much  civilization 
except  where  there  lias  been  snow,  and  ordinarily  decent  Wiuter.  You 
can't  have  civilization  without  it.  Where  man  needs  no  bedclothes  but 
-clouds,  revolution  is  the  normal  condition  of  such  a  people.  It  is  the 
Winter  that  gives  us  the  home;  it  is  the  Winter  that  gives  us  the  fireside 
and  the  family  relation  and  all  the  beautiful  flowers  of  love  that  adorn 
that  relation.  Civilization,  liberty,  justice,  charity  and  intellectual 
advancement  are  all  flov/ers  that  bloom  in  the  drifted  snow.  You  can't 
Jiave  them  anywhere  else,  and  that  is  tlie  reason  we  of  the  north  are 
civilized,  and  that  is  the  reason  that  civilization  has  always  been  with 
Winter.  That  is  the  reason  that  philosophy  has  been  here,  and,  in  spite 
of  all  our  superstitions,  we  have  advanced  beyond  some  of  the  other 
races,  because  we  have  had  this  assistance  of  nature,  that  drove  us  into 
the  family  relation,  that  made  us  prudent;  that  made  us  lay  up  at  one 
time  for  another  season  of  the  year.  So  there  is  one  excuse  I  have  for 
my  race. 

I  have  got  another.  I  think  we  came  from  tlie  lower  animals.  I  am 
not  dead  sure  of  it,  but  think  so.  When  I  first  read  about  it  I  didn't 
like  it.  My  heart  was  filled  with  sympathy  for  those  people  leave  noth- 
ing to  be  proud  of  except  ancestors.  I  thought  how  terrible  this  will  be 
upon  the  nobility  of  the  old  world.  Think  of  their  being  forced  to  trace 
their  ancestry  back  to  the  Duke  Orang-Outang  or  to  the  Princess  Chim- 
panzee. After  thinking  it  all  over  I  came  to  the  conclusion  that  I  liked 
that  doctrine.  I  became  convinced  in  spile  of  myself.  I  read  about 
rudimentary  bones  and  muscles.  I  was  told  that  everybody  had  rudi- 
mentary  muscles  extending  from  the  ear  into  the  cheek.  I  jisked: 
^'  What  are  they  ?"  I  was  told :  "  They  are  the  remains  of  muscles ;  that 
they  became  rudimentary  from  the  lack  of  use."  They  went  into  bank- 
ruptcy. They  are  the  muscles  with  which  your  ancestors  used  to  flap 
their  ears.  Well,  at  first,  I  was  greatly  astonished,  and  afterwanl  I  was 
more  astonished  to  find  they  had  become  rudimentary.  How  can  you 
account  for  John  Calvin  unless  we  came  up  from  the  lower  animals? 
How  could  you  account  for  a  man  that  would  use  the  extremes  of  torture 
unless  you  admit  that  there  is  in  man  the  elements  of  a  snake,  of  a  vul- 
ture, a  hyena,  and  a  jackal?    How  can  you  account  for  the  religious 


133  MISTAKES  OF  INQERSOLL. 

creeds  of  to-day  ?  How  can  you  account  for  that  infamous  doctrine  of 
Hell,  except  with  an  animal  origin  ?  How  can  you  account  for  your 
conception  of  a  God  that  would  sell  women  and  babes  into  slavery  ? 

Well,  I  thought  that  thing  over  and  I  began  to  like  it  after  a  while,, 
and  I  said :  "  It  is  not  so  much  difference  who  my  father  was  as  who  his- 
son  is."  And  I  finally  said  I  would  rather  belong  to  a  race  that  com- 
menced with  the  skulless  vertebrates  in  the  dim  Laurentian  seas,  that 
wriggled  without  knowing  why  they  wriggled,  swimming  without  know- 
ing where  they  were  going,  that  come  along  up  by  degrees  through 
millions  of  ages,  through  all  that  crawls,  and  swims,  and  floats,  and  runs, 
and  growls,  and  barks,  and  howls,  until  it  struck  this  fellow  in  the  dug- 
out. And  then  that  fellow  in  the  dug-out  getting  a  little  grander,  and 
each  one  below  calling  every  one  above  him  a  heretic,  calling  every  one 
who  had  made  a  little  advance  an  infidel  or  an  atheist,  and  finally  the 
heads  getting  a  little  higher  and  donning  up  a  little  grander  and  more 
splendidlj^  and  finally  produced  Shakspeare,  who  harvested  all  the  field 
of  dramatic  thought  and  from  whose  day  until  now  there  have  been  none 
but  gleaners  of  chaff  and  straw.  Shakspeare  was  an  intellectual  ocean 
whose  waves  touched  all  the  shores  of  human  thought,  within  which 
were  all  the  tides  and  currents  and  pulses  upon  which  lay  all  the  lights 
and  shadows,  and  over  which  brooded  all  the  calms,  and  swept  all  the 
storms  and  tempests  of  which  the  soul  is  capable.  I  would  rather  belong 
to  that  race  that  commenced  with  that  skulless  vertebrate;  that  produced 
Shakspeare,  a  race  that  has  before  it  an  infinite  future,  with  the  angel 
of  progress  leaning  from  the  far  horizon,  beckoning  men  forward  and 
upward  forever.  I  would  rather  belong  to  that  race  than  to  have  de- 
scended from  a  perfect  pair  upon  which  the  Lord  has  lost  money  every 
momeui  from  that  day  to  this. 

Now,  my  crime  has  been  this:  I  have  insisted  that  the  Bible  is  not 
the  word  of  God.  I  have  insisted  that  we  should  not  whip  oui  children. 
I  have  insisted  that  we  should  treat  our  wives  as  loving  equals.  I  have 
denied  that  God — if  there  is  any  God— ever  upheld  polygamy  and  slav- 
ery. I  have  denied  that  that  God  ever  told  his  generals  to  kill  innocent 
babes  and  tear  and  rip  open  women  with  the  sword  of  war.  I  have 
denied  that,  and  for  that  I  have  been  assailed  by  the  clergy  of  the  United 
States.  They  tell  me  I  have  misquoted ;  and  I  owe  it  to  you,  and  maybe 
I  owe  it  to  myself,  to  read  one  or  two  words  to  you  upon  this  subject. 
In  order  to  do  that  I  shall  have  to  put  on  my  glasses;  and  that  brings 
me  back  to  where  I  started — that  man  has  advanced  just  in  proportion 
as  his  thought  has  mingled  with  his  labor.  If  man's  eyes  hadn't  failed 
he  would  never  have  made  any  spectacles,  he  would  never  have  had  the 
telescope,  and  he  never  would  have  been  able  to  read  the  leaves  of 
Heaven. 


SKULLS  AND  REPLIES.  133 

Mr.  Ingersoll's  Reply  to  Dr.  Collyer. 

Now,  they  tell  me — and  there  are  several  geutlemen  who  have  spoken 
on  this  subject — the  Rev.  Mr.  Collyer,  a  gentleman  standing  as  high  as 
anybody,  and  1  have  nothing  to  say  against  him,  because  I  denounce  a 
God  who  upheld  murder,  and  slavery  and  polygamy,  he  says  that  what 
I  said  was  slang.  I  would  like  to  luive  it  compared  with  any  sermon 
that  ever  issued  from  the  lips  of  that  gentleman.  And  before  he  gets 
through  he  admits  that  the  Old  Testament  is  a  rotten  tree  that  will  soon 
fall  into  the  earth  and  act  as  a  fertilizer  for  his  doctrine. 

Is  it  honest  in  that  man  to  assail  my  motive  ?  Let  him  answer  my 
argument!  Is  it  honest  and  fair  m  him  to  say  I  am  doing  a  certain 
thing  because  it  is  popular?  Has  it  got  to  this,  that,  in  this  Christian 
country,  where  they  have  preached  every  day  hundreds  and  thousands 
of  sermons— has  it  got  to  this  that  mfidelity  is  so  popular  in  the  United 
States  ? 

If  It  has,  I  take  courage.  And  I  not  only  see  the  dawn  of  a  brighter 
day,  but  the  day  is  here.  Think  of  it !  A  minister  tells  me  in  this  year 
of  grace,  1879,  tliat  a  man  is  an  infidel  simply  that  he  may  be  popular. 
I  am  glad  of  it.  Simply  that  he  may  make  money.  Is  it  possible 
that  we  can  make  more  money  tearing  up  churches  than  in  building 
them  up  ?  Is  it  possible  that  we  can  make  more  money  denouncing  the 
God  of  slavery  than  we  can  praising  the  God  that  took  liberty  from  man? 
If  so,  I  am  glad. 

I  call  publicly  upon  Robert  Collyer— a  man  for  whom  I  have  great 
i-espect- 1  call  publicly  upon  Robert  Collyer  to  state  to  the  people  of 
this  city  whether  he  believes  the  Old  Testament  was  inspired.  I  call 
upon  him  to  state  whether  he  believes  that  God  ever  upheld  these 
institutions ;  whether  he  believes  that  God  was  a  polygamist ;  whether 
he  believes  that  God  commanded  Moses  or  Joshua  or  any  one  else  to 
slay  little  children  in  the  cradle.  Do  you  believe  that  Robert  Collyer 
would  obey  such  an  order?  Do  you  believe  that  he  would  rush  to  the 
cradle  and  drive  the  knife  of  theological  hatred  to  the  tender  heart  of  a 
dimpled  child  ?  And  yet  when  I  denounce  a  God  that  will  give  such  a 
hellish  order,  he  sa^^s  it  is  slang. 

I  want  him  to  answer;  and  when  he  answers  he  will  say  he  does  not 
believe  the  Bil)le  is  inspired.  That  is  what  he  will  say,  and  he  holds 
these  old  worthies  in  the  same  contempt  that  I  do.  Suppose  he  should 
act  like  Abraham.  Suppose  he  should  send  some  woman  out  into  the 
wilderness  with  his  child  in  her  arms  to  starve,  would  he  think  that 
mankind  ought  to  hold  his  name  up  forever,  for  reverence? 

Robert  Collyer  says  that  we  should  read  and  scan  every  word  of  the 
Old  Testament  with  reverence ;  that  we  should  take  this  book  up  with 


134  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

reverential  hands.  I  deny  it.  AVe  sliould  read  it  as  we  do  every  other 
book,  and  everything  good  in  it,  keep  it;  and  everything  that  shocks 
the  brain  and  shocks  the  heart,  throw  it  away.     Let  us  be  honest. 

Mr.  Ingersoll's  Reply  to  Prof.  Swing. 

Prof.  Swing  has  made  a  few  remarks  on  this  subject,  and  I  say  the 
spirit  he  has  exhibited  has  been  as  gentle  and  as  sweet  as  the  perfume  of  a 
flower.  He  was  too  good  a  man  to  stay  in  the  PresbyteHan  church. 
Pie  was  a  rose  among  thistles.  He  was  a  dove  among  vultures — and  they 
hunted  him  out,  and  I  am  glad  he  came  out.  I  tell  all  the  churches  to 
drive  all  such  men  out,  and  when  he  comes  I  want  him  to  state  just 
what  he  thinks.  I  want  him  to  tell  the  people  of  Cbicago  whether  he 
believes  the  Bible  is  inspired  in  any  sense  except  that  in  which  Shaks- 
peare  was  inspired.  Honor  bright  I  tell  3^ou  that  all  the  sweet  and 
beautiful  things  in  the  Bible  would  not  make  one  play  of  Shakspeare,  all 
the  philosophy  in  the  world  would  not  make  one  scene  in  Hamlet,  all 
the  beauties  of  the  Bible  would  not  make  one  scene  in  the  Midsummer 
Night's  Dream;  all  the  beautiful  things  about  woman  in  the  Bible 
would  not  begin  to  create  such  a  character  as  Perdita  or  Imogene  or 
Miranda.     Not  one. 

I  want  him  to  tell  whether  he  believes  the  Bible  was  inspired  in  any 
other  way  than  Shakspeare  was  inspired.  I  want  him  to  pick  out 
something  as  beautiful  and  tender  as  Burns'  poem  to  Mary  in  Heaven. 
I  want  him  to  tell  whether  he  believes  the  story  about  the  bears  eating 
up  children ;  whether  that  is  inspired.  I  want  him  to  tell  whether  he 
considers  that  a  poem  or  not.  I  want  to  know  if  the  same  God  made 
those  bears  that  devoured  the  children  because  they  laughed  at  an  old 
man  out  of  hair.  I  want  to  know  if  the  same  God  that  did  that  is  the 
same  God  who  said,  "  Sufi'er  little  children  to  come  unto  me,  for  such  is 
the  kingdom  of  Heaven."  I  want  him  to  answer  it,  and  answer  it 
fairly.    That  is  all  I  ask.     I  want  just  the  fair  thing. 

Now,  sometimes  Mr.  Swing  talks  as  though  he  believed  the  Bible, 
and  then  he  talks  to  me  as  though  he  didn't  believe  the  Bible.  The  day 
he  made  this  sermon  I  think  he  did,  just  a  little,  believe  it.  He  is  like 
the  man  that  passed  a  ten  dollar  counterfeit  bill.  He  was  arrested,  and 
his  father  went  to  see  him  and  said,  "John,  how  could  you  commit  such 
a  crime  ?  How  could  you  bring  my  gray  hairs  in  sorrow  to  the  grave  ?'* 
"  Well,"  he  says,  "  father,  I'll  tell  you.  I  got  this  bill  and  some  days  I 
thought  it  was  bad  and  some  days  I  thought  it  was  good,  and  one  day 
when  I  thought  it  was  good  I  passed  it." 

I  want  it  distinctly  understood  that  I  have  the  greatest  respect  for 
Prof.  Swing,  but  I  want  him  to  tell  whether  the  109th  psalm  is  inspired. 


SKULLS  AND  REPLIES.  135 

I  want  him  to  tell  whether  the  passages  I  shall  afterward  read  in  this 
book   are   inspired.      That  is  what   I  want. 

Ingersoll's  Reply  to  Brooke  Herford,  D.D. 

Then  there  is  another  gentleman  liere.  His  name  is  Herford.  He 
says  it  is  not  fair  to  apply  the  test  of  truth  to  the  Bible— I  don't  think 
it  is  myself.  He  says  although  Moses  upheld  slavery,  that  he  improved 
it.  They  were  not  quite  as  bad  as  they  were  before,  and  Heaven  justified 
slavery  at  that  time.  Do  you  believe  that  God  ever  turned  the  arms  of 
children  into  chains  of  slavery  ?  Do  you  believe  that  God  ever  said  to  a 
man:  "You  can't  have  your  wife  unless  you  will  be  a  slave!  You 
cannot  have  your  children  unless  you  will  lose  your  liberty;  and  un- 
less you  are  willing  to  throw  them  from  your  heart  forever,  you 
can  not  be  free  ?"  I  want  Mr.  Herford  to  state  whether  he  loves 
such  a  God.  Be  honor  bright  about  it.  Don't  begin  to  talk  about 
civilization,  or  what  the  church  has  done  or  will  do.  Just  walk  right 
up  to  the  rack  aud  say  whether  you  love  and  worship  a  God  that  estab- 
lished  slavery.  Honest!  And  love  and  worship  a  God  tiiat  would 
allow  a  little  babe  to  be  torn  from  the  breast  of  its  mother  and  sold  into 
slavery.  Now  tell  it  fair,  Mr.  Herford,  I  want  you  to  tell  the  ladies  in 
your  congregation  that  you  believe  in  a  God  that  allowed  women  to  be 
given  to  the  soldiers.  Tell  them  that,  and  then  if  you  say  it  was  not  the 
God  of  Moses,  then  don't  praise  Moses  any  more.  Don't  do  it.  Answer 
these  questions. 

The  Ingersoll  Gattling  G-un  Turned  on  Dr.  Ryder. 

Then  here  is  another  gentleman,  Mr.  Ryder,  the  Rev.  Mr.  Ryder,  and 
he  says  that  Calvinism  is  rejected  by  a  majority  of  Christendom.  He  is 
mistaken.  There  is  what  they  call  the  Evangelical  Alliance.  They  met 
in  this  country  in  1875  or  1876,  and  there  were  present  representatives  of 
all  the  evangelical  churches  in  the  world,  and  they  adopted  a  creed,  and 
that  creed  is  that  man  is  totally  depraved.  That  creed  is  that  there  is  an 
eternal,  universal  Hell,  and  that  every  man  that  does  not  believe  in  a  cer- 
tain way  is  bound  to  be  damned  forever,  and  that  there  is  only  one  way 
to  be  saved,  and  that  is  by  faith,  and  by  faith  alone;  aud  they  would  not 
allow  anybody  to  be  represented  there  that  did  not  believe  that,  and  they 
would  not  allow  a  Unitarian  there,  and  would  not  have  allowed  Dr. 
Ryder  there,  because  he  takes  away  from  the  Cliristiau  world  the  conso- 
lation naturally  arising  from  the  belief  in  Hell. 

Dr.  Ryder  is  mistaken.  All  the  orthodox  religion  of  tiie  day  is  Cal- 
vinism. It  believes  in  the  fall  of  man.  li:  believes  in  the  atonement. 
It  believes  in  the  eternity  of  Hell,  and  it  believes  in  salvation  by  faith; 
that  is  to  say,  by  credulity. 


136  MISTAKES  OF  1NQER80LL. 

That  is  what  they  believe,  and  he  is  mistaken ;  and  I  want  to  tell  Dr. 
Ryder  to-day,  if  there  is  a  God,  and  He  wrote  the  Old  Testament,  there 
is  a  Hell.  The  God  that  wrote  the  Old  Testament  will  have  a  Hell. 
And  I  want  to  tell  Dr.  Ryder  another  thing,  that  the  Bible  teaches  an 
eternity  of  punishment.  want  to  tell  him  that  the  Bible  upholds  the 
doctrine  ot  Hell.  I  want  to  tell  him  that  if  there  is  no  Hell,  somebody 
ought  to  have  said  so,  and  Jesus  Christ  himself  should  not  have  said: 
"■  I  will  at  the  last  day  say:  ' Depart  from  me,  ye  cursed,  into  everlasting 
fire  prepared  for  the  devil  and  his  angels.'  "  If  there  was  not  such  a 
place,  Christ  would  not  have  said:  "Depart  from  me,  ye  cursed,  and 
these  shall  go  hence  into  everlasting  fire."  And  if  you,  Dr.  Ryder,  are 
depending  for  salvation  on  the  God  that  wrote  the  Old  Testament,  you 
will  inevitably  be  eternally  damned. 

There  is  no  hope  for  you.  It  is  just  as  bad  to  deny  Hell  as  it  is  to 
deny  Heaven.  It  is  just  as  much  blasphemy  to  deny  the  devil  as  to 
deny  God,  according  to  the  orthodox  creed.  He  admits  that  the  Jews 
were  polygamists,  but,  he  says, how  was  it  they  finally  quit  it?  I  can 
tell  you — the  soil  was  so  poor  they  couldn't  afford  it.  Prof.  Swing  says 
the  Bible  is  a  poem.  Dr.  Ryder  says  it  is  a  picture.  The  Garden  of 
Eden  is  pictorial ;  a  pictorial  snake  and  a  pictorial  woman,  I  suppose, 
and  a  pictorial  man,  and  maybe  it  was  a  pictorial  sin.  And  only  a 
pictorial  atonement. 

Ingersoll's  Reply  to  Rabbi  Bien. 

Then  there  is  another  gentleman,  and  he  a  rabbi,  a  Rabbi  Bien,  or 
Bean,  or  whatever  his  name  is,  and  he  comes  to  the  defense  of  the  Great 
Law-giver.  There  was  another  rabbi  who  attacked  me  in  Cincinnati, 
and  I  couldn't  help  but  think  of  the  old  saying,  that  a  man  got  off  when 
he  said  the  tallest  man  he  ever  knew,  his  name  was  Short.  And  the 
fattest  man  he  ever  saw,  his  name  was  Lean.  And  it  is  only  necessary 
for  me  to  add  that  this  rabbi  in  Cincinnati  was  Wise. 

The  rabbi  here,  I  will  not  answer  him,  and  I  will  tell  you  why.  Be- 
cause he  has  taken  liimself  outside  of  all  the  limits  of  a  gentleman; 
because  he  has  taken  it  upon  himself  to  traduce  American  women  in 
language  the  beastliest  I  ever  read;  and  any  man  who  says  that  the 
American  women  are  not  j  ust  as  good  women  as  any  God  can  make, 
and  pick  his  mud  lo-day,  is  an  unappreciative  barbarian. 

I  will  let  him  alone  because  he  denounced  all  the  men  in  this  country, 
all  the  members  of  Congress,  all  the  members  of  the  Senate,  and  all  the 
judges  upon  the  Bench;  in  his  lecture  he  denounced  them  as  thieves 
and  robbers.  That  won't  do.  I  want  to  remind  him  that  in  this  country 
the  Jews  were  first  admitted  to  tne  privileges  of  citizens;  that  in  this 
country  they  were  first  given  all  their  rights,  and  I  am  as  much  in  favor 


SKULLS  AND  REPLIES.  137 

of  their  having  their  rights  as  1  am  in  favor  ol  having  my  own.  But 
when  a  rabbi  so  far  forgets  himself  as  to  traduce  the  women  and  men  of 
this  country,  I  pronounce  him  a  vulgar  falsifier,  and  let  him  alone. 

Strange,  that  nearly  every  man  that  has  answered  me,  has  answered 
me  mostly  on  the  same  side.  Strange,  that  nearly  every  man  that  thought 
himself  called  upon  to  defend  the  Bible  was  one  who  did  not  believe  in 
it  himself.  Isn't  it  strange?  They  are  like  some  suspected  people, 
always  anxious  to  show  their  marriage  cerliticate.  They  want  at  least 
to  convince  the  world  that  they  are  not  as  bad  as  I  am. 

Now,  I  want  to  read  you  just  one  or  two  things,  and  then  I  am  going 
to  let  you  go.  I  want  to  see  if  I  have  said  such  awful  things,  and 
whether  I  have  got  any  scripture  to  stand  by  me.  I  will  only  read  two 
or  three  verses.  Does  the  Bible  teach  man  to  enslave  his  brother?  If 
it  does,  it  is  not  the  word  of  God,  unless  God  is  a  slaveholder. 

Moreover,  all  the  children  of  the  strangers  that  do  sojourn  among  you,  of  them 
shall  j'e  buy  of  their  familiesi  which  are  with  you,  which  they  beset  in  your  land,  and 
they  shall  be  your  possession.  Ye  shall  take  them  as  an  inheritance  lor  your  children 
after  you  to  inherit  them .    They  shall  be  your  bondsmen  forever.    (Old  Testament) 

Upon  the  limbs  of  unborn  babes  this  fiendish  God  put  the  chains  of 
slavery.     I  hate  him. 

Both  thy  bondmen  and  bondwomen  shall  be  of  the  heathen  round  about  thee,  and 
them  shall  ye  buy,  bondmen  and  bondwomen. 

Now  let  US  read  what  the  New  Testament  has.  I  could  read  a  great 
deal  more,  but  that  is  enough. 

Servants,  be  obedient  to  them  that  are  your  masters,  according  to  the  flesh  in  fear 
and  trembling,  in  singleness  of  your  heart,  as  unto  Christ. 

This  is  putting  the  dirty  thief  that  steals  your  labor  on  an  equality 

with  God. 

Sei-vants,  be  subject  to  your  masters  with  all  fear;  not  only  to  the  good  and  gentle 
but  also  to  the  froward. 

For  this  is  thankworthy,  if  a  man  for  conscience  toward  God  endure  grief,  siifleriug 
-wrongfully. 

The  idea  of  a  man  on  account  of  conscience  toward  God  stealing 
another  man,  or  allowing  him  nothing  but  lashes  on  his  back  as  legal- 
tender  for  labor  performed. 

Let  as  many  servants  as  are  under  the  yoke  count  their  own  masters  worthy  of  all 
honor,  that  the  name  of  God  and  His  doctrine  be  not  blasphemed. 

How  can  you  blaspheme  the  name  of  God  by  asserting  your  independ- 
ence? How  can  you  blaspheme  the  name  of  a  G(kI  by  striking  fetters 
from  the  limbs  of  men?  I  wish  some  of  your  answers  would  tell  you 
that.  ''  And  they  that  have  believing  masters  let  them  not  despise  them." 
That  is  to  say,  a  good  Christian  could  own  another  believer  in  Jesus 
Christ;  could  own  a  woman  and  her  children,  atid  could  sell  the  child 
away  from  its  mother.    That  is  a  sweet  belief.     O,  hypocrisy! 


133  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLR 

Let  them  not  despise  them,  because  they  arc  brethren,  but  rather  do  them  service 
because  they  are  faithful  and  beloved,  partakers  of  the  benefit. 

Oh,  what  slush!  Here  is  what  they  tell  the  poor  slave,  so  that  he 
will  serve  the  man  that  stole  his  wife  and  children  from  him  : 

For  we  brought  nothing  into  this  world,  and  it  is  certain  we  can  carry  nothing  out. 
Having  food  and  raiment  let  us  be  therewith  content. 

Don't  you  think  that  it  would  do  just  as  well  to  preach  that  to  the 
thieving  man  as  to  the  suflFering  slave?  I  think  so.  Then  this  same 
Bible  teaches  witchcraft,  that  spirits  go  into  the  bodies  of  the  man,  and 
pigs ;  and  that  God  himself  made  a  trade  with  the  devil,  and  the  devil 
traded  him  off — a  man  for  a  certain  number  of  swine,  and  the  devil  lost 
money  because  the  hogs  ran  right  down  into  the  sea.  He  got  a  corner 
on  that  deal. 

Now  let  us  see  how  they  believed  in  the  rights  of  children : 
If  a  man  have  a  stubborn  and  a  rebellious  son  which  will  not  obey  the  voice  of  his 
father,  or  the  voice  of  his  mother,  and  that,  when  they  have  chastened  him,  will  not 
barken  unto  them,  then  shall  his  father  and  his  mother  lay  hold  on  him,  and  bring 
him  out  unto  the  elders  of  his  city,  and  unto  the  gate  of  his  place.  And  they  shall  say 
unto  the  elders  of  his  city.  This,  our  son,  is  stubborn  and  rebellious,  he  will  not  obey 
our  voice,  he  is  a  glutton  and  a  drunkard.  And  all  the  men  of  his  city  shall  stone  him 
with  stones,  that  he  die,  so  shalt  thou  put  evil  away. 

That  is  a  very  good  way  to  raise  children.  Here  is  the  story  of  Jeph- 
thah.  He  went  off  and  he  asked  the  Lord  to  let  him  whip  some  people, 
and  he  told  the  Lord  if  He  would  let  him  whip  them, he  would  sacrifice 
to  the  Lord  the  first  thing  that  met  him  on  his  return  ;  and  the  first  thing 
that  met  him  was  his  own  beautiful  daughter,  and  he  sacrified  her.  Is 
there  a  sadder  story  in  all  the  history  of  the  world  than  that?  What 
do  you  think  of  a  man  that  would  sacrifice  his  own  daughter  ?  What  do 
you  think  of  a  God  that  would  receive  that  sacrifice  ?  Now,  then,  they 
come  to  women  in  this  blessed  gospel,  and  let  us  see  what  the  gospel 
says  about  women.  Then  you  ought  all  to  go  to  church,  girls,  next 
Sunday  and  hear  it.  "  Let  the  woman  learn  in  silence  with  all  subjec- 
tion ;  suffer  not  woman  to  think  nor  usurp  authority  over  man,  for  Adam 
was  formed  first,  not  Eve." 

Don't  you  see  ? 

"Adam  was  not  deceived,  but  the  woman  being  deceived  was  in  the 
transgessiou.  Notwithstanding  all  this  she  shall  be  saved  in  child- 
bearing  if  she  continues  in  faith  and  charity  and  holiness  with  sobriety." 
(That  is  Mr.  Timothy.)  "  But  I  would  have  you  know  that  the  head  of 
every  man  is  Christ,  and  the  head  of  the  woman  is  the  man,  and  the  head 
of  Christ  is  God." 

I  suppose  that  every  old  maid  is  acephalous. 

"  For  a  man  indeed  ought  not  to  cover  head,  forasmucli  as  he  is  the 
image  and  glory  of  God;  but  the  woman  is  the  glory  of  man.  For  the 
man  is  not  of  the  woman,  but  woman  of  the  man.     Neither  was  the  man 


SKULLS  AND  REPLIES.  139 

created  for  the  woman,  but  tbe  woman  for  the  man.  Wives,  submit 
yourselves  unto  your  own  husband  as  unto  the  Lord,  for  the  husband  is 
the  head  of  the  wife  even  as  Christ  is  the  head  of  the  Church." 

Do  you  hear  that !  You  didn't  know  how  much  we  were  above  you. 
When  YOU  go  back  to  the  Old  Testament,  to  the  great  law-giver,  you  find 
that  the  woman  lias  to  ask  forgiveness  for  having  borne  a  child.  If  it  was 
a  boy,  thirty-three  days  she  was  unclean ;  if  it  was  a  girl  sixty-six.  Nice 
lawsV  Good  laws!  If  there  is  a  pure  thing  in  this  world,  if  there  is  a 
picture  of  perfect  purity,  it  is  a  mother  with  her  child  in  her  arms. 
Yes,  I  think  more  of  a  good  woman  and  achild  than  I  do  of  all  the  gods 
I  have  ever  heard  these  people  tell  about.    Just  think  of  this : 

When  thou  goest  forth  to  war  afiainst  thine  enemies,  and  the  Lord  thy  God  hath 
delivered  them  into  thine  hands,  and  thou  hast  taken  them  captive,  and  eeeet  among 
the  captive  a  beautiful  woman  and  hast  a  desire  unto  her  that  ihou  wonldst  have  her 
to  thy  wife,  then  thou  shall  bring  her  home  to  thine  house,  and  she  shall  shave  her 
bead,  and  pare  her  nails. 

Wherefore,  ye  must  needs  be  subject  not  only  for  love,  but  for  conscience  sake,  and 
for  this  cause  pay  ye  tribute,  for  they  are  God's  ministers. 

I  despise  this  wretched  doctrine.  Wherever  the  sword  of  rebellion  is 
drawn  in  favor  of  the  right,  I  am  a  rebel.  I  suppose  Alexander,  czar 
of  Russia,  was  put  there  by  the  order  of  God,  was  he  ?  I  am  sorry  he 
was  not  removed  by  the  nihilist  that  shot  at  him  the  other  day. 

I  tell  you  in  a  country  like  that,  where  there  are  hundreds  of  girls  not  16 
years  of  age  prisoners  in  Siberia,  simply  for  giving  their  ideas  about 
liberty,  and  we  telegraphed  to  that  country  congratulating  that  wretch 
that  he  was  not  killed,  my  heart  goes  into  the  prison,  my  heart  goes  with 
the  poor  girl  working  as  a  miner  in  the  mines,  crawling  on  her  hands 
and  knees  getting  the  precious  ore  out  of  the  mines,  and  my  sympathies 
go  with  her,  and°ray  svmphathies  cluster  around  the  point  of  the  dagger. 
Does  the  Bible  describe  a  God  of  mercy  ?  Let  me  read  you  a  verse  or 
two. 

I  will  make  my  arrows  drunk  with  blood,  and  my  sword  shall  devour  flesh.  Thy 
foot  may  be  dipped  in  the  blood  of  thine  enemies. 

And  the  tongue  of  thy  dogs  in  the  same. 

And  the  Lord  thy  God  will  put  cut  those  nations  before  ihce  by  little  and  little; 
thou  mayest  not  consume  them  at  once,  lest  the  beasts  of  the  tield  increase  upon  thee. 

But  the  Lord  thy  God  shall  deliver  them  unto  thee,  and  shall  destroy  them  with  a 
mishtv  destruction,  until  they  be  destroyed. 

And  He  ^hall  deliver  their  kings  unto  thine  hand,  and  thou  shalt  destroy  thc.r 
name  from  under  Heaven ;  then  shall  no  man  be  able  to  stand  before  thee,  until  thou 
have  destroyed  them . 

I  can  see  what  he  iiad  her  nails  pared  for.     Does  the  Bible  teach 

polygamy? 

The  Rev.  Dr.  Newman,  consul  general  to  all  the  world— had  a  discus- 
sion with  Elder  Heber  or  Kimball,  or  some   such  wretch  in  Utah- 


140  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

■whether  the  Bible  sustains  polygamy,  aud  the  Mormons  have  printed 
that  discussion  as  a  campaign  document.  Read  the  order  of  Moses  in 
the  31st  chapter  of  Numbers.  A  great  many  chapters  I  dare  not  read  to 
you.  They  are  too  filthy.^  I  leave  all  that  to  the  clergy.  Read  the  31st 
chapter  of  Exodus,  the  31st  chapter  of  Deuteronomy,  the  life  of  Abra- 
ham, and  the  life  of  David,  and  the  life  of  Solomon,  and  then  tell  me 
that  the  Bible  does  not  uphold  polygamy  and  concubinage ! 

Let  them  answer.    Then  I  said  that  the  Bible  upheld  tyranny.     Let 

me  read  you  a  little:    "Let  every  soul  be  subject  to  the  higher  powers 

the  powers  that  be  are  ordained  of  God." 

George  III.  was  king  by  the  grace  of  God,  and  when  our  fathers  rose 
in  rebellion,  according  to  this  doctrine,  they  rose  against  the  power  of 
God ;  aud  if  they  did  they  were  successful. 

And  so  it  goes  on  telling  of  all  the  cities  that  were  destroyed,  and  of 
the  great-hearted  men,  that  they  dashed  their  brains  out,  and  all  the 
little  babes,  and  all  the  sweet  women  that  they  killed  and  plundered— 
all  in  the  name  of  a  most  merciful  God.  Well,  think  of  it !  The  Old 
Testament  is  filled  with  anathemas,  and  with  curses,  and  with  words  of 
revenge,  and  jealousy,  and  hatred,  and  meanness,  and  brutality. 

Have  1  read  enough  to  show  that  what  I  said  is  so  ?  I  think  I  have. 
I  wish  I  had  time  to  read  to  you  further  of  what  the  dear  old  fathers  of 
the  church  said  about  woman — wait  a  minute,  and  I  will  read  you  a 
little.    We  have  got  them  running. 

St.  Augustine  in  his  22d  book  says :  "  A  woman  ought  to  serve  her 
husband  as  unto  God,  aflBrming  that  woman  ought  to  be  braced  and 
bridled  betimes,  if  she  aspire  to  any  dominion,  alleging  that  dangerous 
and  perilous  it  is  to  suffer  her  to  precede,  although  it  be  in  temporal 
and  corporeal  things.  How  can.  woman  be  in  the  image  of  God,  seeing 
she  is  subject  to  man,  and  hath  no  authority  to  teach,  neither  to  be  a 
witness,  neither  to  judge,  much  less  to  rule  or  bear  the  rod  of  empire." 
Oh,  he  is  a  good  one.  These  are  the  very  words  of  Augustine.  Let 
me  read  some  more.  "Woman  shall  be  subject  unto  man  as  unto 
Christ."  That  is  St.  Augustine,  and  this  sentence  of  Augustine  ought  to 
be  noted  of  all  women,  for  in  it  he  plainly  affirms  that  women  are  all  the 
more  subject  to  man.  And  now,  St.  Ambrose,  he  is  a  good  boy.  "  Adam 
was  deceived  by  Eve— called  Heva— and  not  Heva  by  Adam,  aud  there- 
fore just  it  is  that  w^oman  receive  and  acknowledge  him  for  governor 
whom  she  called  sin,  lest  that  again  she  slip  and  fall  with  w^omanly 
facility."  Don't  you  see  that  woman  has  sinned  once,  and  man  never  ?  If 
you  give  woman  an  opportunity,  she  will  sin  again,  whereas  if  you  give  it 
to  man,  who  never,  never,  never  betrayed  his  trust  in  the  world,  nothing 
bad  can  happen.  "  Let  women  be  subject  to  their  own  husbands  as  unto 
the  Lord,  for  man  is  the  head  of  w^oman,  and  Christ  is  the  head  of  the 


SKULLS  AND  liEPLIES.  141 

congregation."  They  are  all  real  good  men,  all  of  them.  "It  is  not 
permitted  to  woman  to  speak;  let  lier  be  in  silence;  as  the  law  said: 
unto  thy  husband  shalt  thou  ever  be,  and  he  shall  bear  dominion  over 

thee." 

So  St.  Chrysostom.  He  is  another  good  man.  "Woman,"  he  says, 
"was  put  under  the  powder  of  man,  and  man  was  pronounced  lord  over 
her;  that  she  should  obey  man,  that  the  head  should  not  follow  the  feet. 
False  priests  do  commonly  deceive  women,  because  they  are  easily  per- 
suaded to  any  opinion,  especially  if  it  be  again  given,  and  because  they 
lack  prudence  and  right  reason  to  judge  the  things  that  be  spoken; 
which  should  not  bo  the  nature  of  those  that  are  appointed  to  govern 
others.  For  they  should  be  constant,  stable,  prudent,  and  doing  every- 
thing  with  discretion  and  reason:  which  virtues  woman  can  not  have 
in  equality  with  man." 

I  tell  you  women  are  more  prudent  than  men.  I  tell  you,  as  a  rule, 
women  are  more  truthful  then  men.  I  tell  you  that  women  are  more 
faithful  than  men— ten  times  as  faithful  as  man.  I  never  saw  a  man 
pursue  his  wife  into  the  very  ditch  and  dust  of  degradation  and  take  her 
in  his  arms.  I  never  saw  a  man  stand  at  the  shore  where  she  had  been 
morally  wrecked,  waiting  for  the  waves  to  bring  back  even  her  corpse  to 
his  arms;  but  I  have  seen  woman  do  it.  I  have  seen  woman  with  her 
white  arms  lift  man  from  the  mire  of  degradation,  and  hold  him  to  her 
bosom  as  though  he  were  an  angel. 

And  these  men  thought  woman  not  fit  to  be  held  as  pure  in  the  sight 
of  God  as  man.  I  never  saw  a  man  that  pretended  that  he  didn't  love  a 
woman;  that  pretended  that  he  loved  God  better  than  he  did  a  woman, 
that  he  didn't  look  hateful  to  me,  hateful  and  unclean.  I  could  read 
you  twenty  others,  but  I  haven't  time  to  do  it.  Tliey  are  all  to  the  same 
eflect  exactly.  They  hate  woman,  and  say  man  is  as  mucii  above  her  as 
God  is  above  man.  I  am  a  believer  in  absolute  equality.  I  am  a  be- 
liever in  absolute  liberty  between  man  and  wife.  I  believe  iti  liberty, 
and  1  say,  "  Oh,  libertv,  float  not  forever  in  the  far  horizon-remain  not 
forever  in  the  dream  oVthe  enthusiast,  the  philanthropist  and  poet;  bu 
come  and  make  thy  home  among  the  children  of  men." 

I  know  not  what  discoveries,  what  inventions,  what  thoughts  may 
leap  from  the  brain  of  the  world.  I  know  not  what  garments  of  glory 
may  be  woven  by  the  years  to  come.  I  can  not  dream  of  the  vict<.rics 
to  be  won  upon  the  field  ot  thought ;  but  I  do  know  that,  coming  down 
the  infinite  sea  of  the  future,  there  will  never  toucli  this  "  bank  and  shoa 
of  time  "  a  richer  gift,  a  rarer  blessing  than  liberty  for  man,  woman  and 

"^  I  never  addressed  a  more  magnificent  audience  in  my  life,  and  I  thank 
you,  I  thank  you  a  thousand  times  over. 


142  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 


IngersoU's  Catechism  and  Bible  Class. 

Nothing  is  more  gratifying  than  to  see  ideas  that  were  received  with 
scorn,  flourishing  iu  tlie  sunshine  of  approval.  Only  a  few  weeks  ago 
I  stated  that  the  Bible  was  not  inspired';  that  Moses  was  mistaken,  that 
the  "flood  "  was  a  foolish  myth;  that  the  Tower  of  Babel  existed  only 
incredulity;  that  God  did  not  create  the  universe  from  nothing,  that 
He  did  not  start  the  first  woman  with  a  rib;  that  He  never  upheld 
slavery ;  that  He  was  not  a  polj^gamist ;  that  He  did  not  kill  people  for 
making  hair-oil :  that  He  did  not  order  His  Generals  to  kill  the  dimpled 
habes ;  that  He  did  not  allow  the  roses  of  love  and  the  violets  of  modesty 
to  be  trodden  under  the  brutal  feet  of  lust;  that  the  Hebrew  language 
was  written  without  vowels ;  that  the  Bible  was  composed  of  many 
books  written  by  unknown  men ;  that  all  translations  difiered  from  each 
other,  and  that  this  book  had  filled  the  world  with  agony  and  crime. 

At  that  time  I  had  not  the  remotest  idea  that  the  most  learned  clergy- 
men in  Chicago  would  substantially  agree  with  me — in  public.     I  have 
read  the  replies  of  the  Rev.  Robert  Collyer,  Dr.  Thomas,  Rabbi  Kohler, 
Rev.  Brooke  Herford,  Prof  Swing,  and  Dr.  Ryder,  and  will  now  ask  ' 
them  a  few  questions,  answering  them  in  their  own  words : 

First,  Rev.  Robert  Collyer  :  Question.  What  is  your  opinion  of 
the  Bible  ?  Answer.  "  It  is  a  splendid  book.  It  makes  the  noblest  type 
of  Catholics  and  the  meanest  bigots.  Through  this  book  men  give  their 
hearts  for  good  to  God,  or  for  evil  to  the  Devil.  The  best  argument  for 
the  intrinsic  greatness  of  the  book  is  that  it  can  touch  such  wide 
extremes,  and  seem  to  maintain  us  in  the  most  unparalleled  cruelty,  as 
well  as  the  most  tender  mercy;  that  it  can  inspire  purity  like  that  of 
the  great  saints  and  aflford  arguments  in  favor  of  polygamy.  The  Bible 
is  the  text  book  of  ironclad  Calvinism  and  sunny  Universalism.  It 
makes  the  Quaker  quiet  and  the  Millerite  crazy.  It  inspired  the  Union 
soldier  to  live  and  grandly  die  for  the  right,  and  Stonewall  Jackson  to 
live  nobly  and  die  grandly  for  the  wrong." 

Q.  But,  Mr.  Collyer,  do  you  really  think  that  a  book  with  as  many 
passages  in  favor  of  wrong  as  right,  is  inspired?  A.  "  I  look  upon  the 
Old  Testament  as  a  rotting  tree.  When  it  falls  it  will  fertilize  a  bank 
of  violets." 

Q.  Do  you  believe  that  God  upheld  slavery  and  polygamy?  Do 
you  believe  that  He  ordered  the  killing  of  babes  and  the  violation  of 
maidens?  A.  "There  is  three-fold  inspiration  in  the  Bible,  the  first 
peerless  and  perfect,  the  Word  of  God  to  man ;  the  second  simply  and 
purely  human,  and  then  below  this  again,  there  is  an  inspiration  born 
of  an  evil  heart,  ruthless  and  savage  there  and  then  as  anything  well 
can  be.    A  three-fold  inspiration,  of  Heaven  first,  then  of  the  Earth,  and 


SKULLS  AND  REPLIES.  143 

then  of  Hell,  all  iu  the  same  book,  all  sometimes  iu  the  same  chapter, 
and  then,  besides,  a  i^reat  many  things  that  need  no  inspiration." 

Q.  Then,  after  all,  you  do  not  pretend  that  the  Scriptures  are  really 
inspired  ?  A.  "  The  Scriptures  make  no  such  claim  for  themselves  as 
the  Church  makes  for  them.  They  leave  me  free  to  say  this  is  false,  or 
this  is  true.  The  truth  even  within  the  Bible  dies  and  lives,  makes  on 
this  side  and  loses  on  that." 

Q.  What  do  you  say  to  the  last  verse  in  the  Bible,  where  a  curse  is 
threatened  to  any  man  who  takes  from  or  adds  to  the  book ?  A.  "I 
have  but  one  answer  to  this  question,  and  it  is:  Let  who  will  have  writ- 
ten this,  I  can  not  for  an  instant  believe  that  it  was  written  by  a  divine 
inspiration.  Such  dogmas  and  threats  as  these  are  not  of  God,  but  of 
man,  and  not  of  any  man  of  a  free  spirit  and  heart  eager  for  the  truth, 
but  a  narrow  man  who  would  cripple  and  confine  the  human  soul  in 
its  quest  after  the  whole  truth  of  God,  and  back  those  who  have  done 
the  shameful  things  in  the  name  of  the  Most  High." 

Q.  Do  you  not  regard  such  talk  as  "slang?" 

(Supposed)  Answer.  If  an  infidel  had  said  that  the  writer  of  Revela- 
tions was  narrow  and  bigoted,  I  might  have  denounced  his  discourse 
as  "  slang,"  but  I  think  that  Unitarian  ministers  can  do  so  with  the 
greatest  propriety. 

Q.  Do  you  believe  in  the  stories  of  the  Bible,  about  Jael,  and  the  sun 
standing  still,  and  the  walls  falling  at  the  blowing  of  horns  ?  xV.  "They 
may  be  legends,  myths,  poems,  or  what  they  will,  but  they  are  not  the 
Word  of  God.  So  I  say  again,  it  was  not  the  God  and  Father  of  us  all 
who  inspired  the  woman  to  drive  that  nail  crashing  through  the  king's 
temple  after  she  had  given  him  that  bowl  of  milk  and  bid  him  sleep  in 
safety,  but  a  very  mean  Devil  of  hatred  and  revenge  that  I  should 
hardly  expect  to  find  in  a  squaw  on  the  plains.  It  was  not  the  ram's 
horns  and  the  shouting  before  which  the  walls  fell  flat.  If  they  went 
down  at  all,  it  was  through  good  solid  pounding.  And  not  for  an  in- 
stant did  the  steady  sun  stand  still  or  let  his  planet  stand  still  while  bar- 
barian fought  barbarian.  He  kept  just  the  time  then  he  keeps  now. 
They  might  believe  it  who  made  the  record.  I  do  not.  And  since  the 
whole  Christian  world  might  believe  it,  still  we  do  not  who  gather  in 
this  church.  A  free  and  reasonable  mind  stands  right  in  our  way. 
Newton  might  believe  it  as  a  Christian  and  disbelieve  it  as  a  philoso- 
pher. We  stand  then  with  the  philosopher  against  the  Christian,  for 
we  must  believe  what  is  true  to  us  in  the  last  test,  and  these  things  arc 
not  true." 

Second,  Rev.  Dr.  Thomas.  Question.  What  is  your  opinion  of  the 
Old  Testament?  Answer.  "My  opinion  is  that  it  is  not  one  book,  but 
many — thirty-nine  books  bound  up  in  one.    The  date  and  authorship 


144  MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL. 

of  most  of  these  books  are  wholly  unknown.  The  Hebrews  wrote  with- 
out vowels  and  without  dividing  the  letters  into  syllables,  words  or  sen- 
tences. The  books  were  gathered  up  by  Ezra.  At  that  time  only  two 
of  the  Jewish  tribes  remained.  All  progress  had  ceased.  In  gathering 
up  the  sacred  book,  copyists  exercised  great  liberty  in  making  changes 
and  additions." 

Q.  Yes,  we  know  all  that,  but  is  the  Old  Testament  inspired  ?  A. 
'*  There  may  be  the  inspiration  of  art,  of  poetry,  or  oratory ;  of  patriot- 
ism— and  there  are  such  inspirations.  There  are  moments  when  great 
truths  and  principles  come  to  men.  They  seek  the  man  and  not  the 
man  them." 

Q.  Yes,  we  all  admit  that,  but  is  the  Bible  inspired  ?  A.  "  But  still 
I  know  of  no  way  to  convince  any  one  of  spirit  and  inspiration  and 
God  only  as  His  reason  may  take  hold  of  these  things." 

Q.  Do  you  think  the  Old  Testament  true  ?  A.  "  The  story  of  Eden 
may  be  an  allegory;  the  history  of  the  children  of  Israel  may  have  mis- 
takes." 

Q.  Must  inspiration  claim  infallibility  ?  A.  "  It  is  a  mistake  to  say 
that  if  you  believe  one  part  of  the  Bible  you  must  believe  all.  Some  of 
the  thirty-nine  books  may  be  inspired,  others  not;  or  there  may  be 
degrees  of  inspiration." 

Q.  Do  you  believe  that  God  commanded  the  soldiers  to  kill  the  chil- 
dren and  the  married  women  and  save  for  themselves  the  maidens,  as 
recorded  in  lumbers  31 : 3?  Do  you  believe  that  God  upheld  slavery? 
Do  you  believe  that  God  upheld  polygamy?  A.  "The  Bible  may  be 
wrong  in  some  statements.  God  and  right  can  not  be  wrong.  We  must 
not  exalt  the  Bible  above  God.  It  may  be  that  we  have  claimed  too 
much  for  the  Bible,  and  thereby  given  not  a  little  occasion  for  such  men 
as  Mr.  Ingersoll  to  appear  at  th«  other  extreme,  denying  too  much." 

Q.  What  then  shall  be  done?  A.  "  We  must  take  a  middle  ground. 
It  is  not  necessary  to  believe  that  the  bears  devoured  the  forty-two  chil- 
dren, nor  that  Jonah  was  swallowed  by  the  whale." 

Third.  Rev.  Dr.  Kohler.  Question.  What  is  your  opinion  about 
the  Old  Testament?  Answer.  "I  will  not  make  futile  attempts  of  arti- 
ficially interpreting  the  letter  of  the  Bible  so  as  to  make  it  reflect  the 
philosophical,  moral  and  scientific  views  of  our  time.  The  Bible  is  a 
sacred  record  of  humanity's  childhood." 

Q.  Are  you  an  orthodox  Christian ?  A.  "No.  Orthodox}^  with  its 
face  turned  backward  to  a  ruined  temple  or  a  dead  Messiah,  is  fast 
becoming  like  Lot's  wife,  a  pillar  of  salt." 

Q.  Do  you  really  believe  the  Old  Testament  was  inspired  ?  A.  "I 
greatly  acknowledge  our  indebtedness  to  men  like  Voltaire  and  Thomas 
Paine,  whose  bold  denial  and  cutting  wit  were  so  instrumental  in  bring- 


SKtiLLS  AND  REPLtES.  i45 

ing  about  this  glorious  era  of  freedom,  so  congenial  and  blissful,  par 
ticularly  to  the  long-abused  Jewish  race." 

Q.  Do  you  believe  in  the  inspiration  of  the  Bible  ?  A.  "  Of  course 
there  is  a  destructive  axe  needed  to  strike  down  the  old  building  in  order 
to  make  room  for  the  grander  new.  The  divine  origin  claimed  by  the 
Hebrews  for  their  national  literature  was  claimed  by  all  nations  for  their 
old  records  and  laws  as  preserved  by  the  priesthood.  As  ]\Ioses,  the 
Hebrew  law-giver,  is  represented  as  having  received  the  law  from  God  on 
the  holy  mountain,  so  is  Zoroaster,  the  Persian,  Manu,the  Hindoo,  Minos, 
the  Cretan,  Lycurgus,  the  Spartan,  and  Numa,  the  Roman." 

Q.  Doj^ou  believe  all  the  stories  in  the  Bible?  A.  "All  that  can 
and  must  be  said  against  them  is  that  they  have  been  too  long  retained 
around  the  arms  and  limbs  of  grown-up  manhood  to  check  the  spiritual 
progress  of  religion;  that  by  Jewish  ritualism  and  Christian  dogmatism 
they  became  fetters  unto  the  soul,  turning  the  light  of  Heaven  into  a 
misty  haze  to  blind  the  eye,  and  even  into  a  Hell  fire  of  fanaticism  to 
consume  souls." 

Q.  Is  the  Bible  inspired?  A.  "True,  the  Bible  is  not  free  from 
errors,  nor  is  any  work  of  man  and  time.  It  abounds  in  childish  views 
and  offensive  matters.  T  trust  that  it  will,  in  a  time  not  far  off,  be  pre- 
sented for  common  use  in  families,  schools,  synagogues  and  churches, 
in  a  refined  shape,  cleansed  from  all  dro.s3  and  chaff,  and  stumbling- 
blocks  on  which  the  scoffer  delights  to  dwell." 

Fourth,  Rev.  Mr.  Herford.  Question.  Is  the  Bible  true  ?  Answer. 
"  Tngersoll  is  very  fond  of  saying  '  The  question  is  not,  is  the  Bible 
inspired,  but  is  it  true  ?'  That  sounds  very  plausible,  but  you  know  as 
applied  to  any  ancient  book  it  is  simply  nonsense." 

Q.  Do  you  think  the  stories  in  the  Bible  exaggerated  ?  A.  "  I  dare 
say  the  numbers  are  immensely  exaggerated." 

Q.  Do  you  think  that  God  upheld  polygamy  ?  A.  "  The  truth  ot 
which  simply  is,  that  four  thousand  years  ago  polygamy  existed  among 
the  Jews,  as  everywhere  else  on  earth  then,  and  even  their  prophets  did 
not  come  to  the  idea  of  its  being  wrong.  But  what  is  there  to  be  indig- 
nant about  in  that?" 

Q.  And  so  5^ou  really  wonder  why  any  man  should  be  indignant  at 
the  idea  that  God  upheld  and  sanctioned  that  beastliness  called  polyg- 
amy ?    A.    "  What  is  there  to  be  indignant  about  in  that?" 

Fifth,  Prof.  Swing.  Question.  What  is  your  idea  of  the  Bible? 
Answer.     "  I  think  it  a  poem." 

Sixth,  Rev.  Dr.  Ryder.     Question.     And  what  is  your  idea  of  the 

sacred  Scriptures?    Answer.     "Like  other   nations,  the  Hebrews  had 

their    patriotic,  descriptive,  didactic  and  lyrical    jjocms   in  the  same 

varieties  as  other  nations;  but  with  them,  unlike  other  nations,  what- 

10 


14()  MISTAKES  OF  TNOERSOLL. 

ever  may  be  the  form  of  their  poetry,  it  always  possesses  the  character- 
istic of  religion." 

Q.  I  suppose  you  fully  appreciate  the  religious  characteristics  of  the 
Song  of  Solomon  ?    No  answer. 

Q.  Does  the  Bible  uphold  polygamy  ?  A.  "  The  law  of  Moses  did 
not  forbid  it,  but  contained  many  provisions  against  its  worst  abuses, 
and  such  as  were  intended  to  restrict  it  within  narrow  limits." 

Q.  So  you  think  God  corrected  some  of  the  worst  abuses  of  polyg- 
amy, but  preserved  the  institution  itself? 

I  might  question  many  others,  but  have  concluded  not  to  consider 
those  as  members  of  my  Bible  class  who  deal  in  calumnies  and  epithets. 
From  the  so-called  "  replies  "  of  such  ministers  it  appears  that,  while 
Christianity  changes  the  heart,  it  does  not  improve  the  manners,  and 
that  one  can  get  into  Heaven  in  the  next  world  without  having  been  a 
gentleman  in  this. 

It  is  difficult  for  me  to  express  the  deep  and  thrilling  satisfaction  I 
have  experienced  in  reading  the  admissions  of  the  clergy  of  Chicago. 
Surely  the  battle  of  intellectual  liberty  is  almost  won  when  ministers 
admit  that  the  Bible  is  filled  with  ignorant  and  cruel  mistakes ;  that 
each  man  has  the  right  to  think  for  himself,  and  that  \X  is  not  necessary 
to  believe  the  Scriptures  in  order  to  be  saved. 

From  the  bottom  of  my  heart  I  congratulate  my  pupils  on  th^ 
advance  they  have  made,  and  hope  soon  to  meet  them  on  the  serene 
heights  of  perfect  freedom. 


I^GERSOLL  AT  HIS  BROTHER'S  GYRATE 


The  funeral  of  Hon.  Ebon  C.  Ingersoll,  brother  of  Col.  Robert  G.  Inger- 
soll,  of  Illinois,  took  place  at  his  residence  in  Washington,  D.  C,  June 
2,  1879.  The  ceremonies  were  extremely  simple,  consisting  merely  of 
viewing  the  remains  by  relatives  and  friends,  and  a  funeral  oration  by 
Col.  Robert  G.  Ingersoll,  brother  of  the  deceased.  A  large  number  of 
distinguished  gentlemen  were  present,  including  Secretary  Sherman, 
Assistant  Secretary  Hawle>',  Senators  Blaine,  Voorhees,  Paddock,  Alli- 
son, Logan,  Hon.  Thomas  Henderson,  Gov.  Pound,  Hon.  Wm.  M.  Mor- 
rison, Gen.  Jeffreys,  Gen.  Williams,  Col.  James  Fishback,  and  others. 
The  pall-bearers  were  Senators  Blaine,  Voorhees,  David  Davis,  Paddock 
and  Allison,  Col.  Ward,  H.  Lamon,  Hon.  Jeremiah  Wilson  of  Indiana, 
and  Hon.  Thomas  A.  Boyd  of  Illinois. 


SKULLS  AND  REPLY.  147 

Soon  after  Mr.  IngersoU  began  to  read  his  eloquent  characterization 
of  the  dead,  his  eyes  filled  with  tears.  He  tried  to  hide  them  behind 
his  eye-glasses,  but  he  could  not  do  it,  and  finally  he  bowed  his  head 
upon  the  dead  man's  coffin  in  UDControhible  grief.  It  was  after  some 
delay  and  the  greatest  efibrts  at  self-mastery,  that  Col.  Ingersoll  was 
able  to  finish  reading  his  address,  which  was  as  follows: 

Colonel  Ingersoll's  Funeral  Oration. 

My  Friends:  I  am  going  to  do  that  which  the  dead  often  promised 
he  would  do  for  me.  The  loved  and  loving  brother,  husband,  father, 
friend,  died  where  manhood's  morning  almost  touches  noon,  and  while 
the  shadows  still  were  falling  toward  the  West.  He  had  not  passed  on 
life's  highway  the  stone  that  marks  the  highest  point,  hut  lieing  weary 
for  a  moment  he  laid  down  l)y  the  wayside,  and,  using  his  burden  for  a 
pillow,  fell  into  that  dreamless  sleep  that  kisses  down  his  eyelids  still. 
While  yet  in  love  with  life  and  raptured  with  the  world,  he  passed  to 
silence  and  pathetic  dust.  Yet,  after  all,  it  may  be  best,  just  in  the  hap- 
piest, sunniest  hour  of  all  the  voyage,  while  eager  winds  are  kissing 
every  sail,  to  dash  against  the  unseen  rock,  and  in  an  instant  hear  the 
billows  roar  a  sunken  ship.  For,  whether  in  mid-sea  or  among  the 
breakers  of  the  farther  shore,  a  wreck  must  mark  at  last  the  end  of 
each  and  all.  And  every  life,  no  matter  if  its  every  hour  is  rich  with 
love  and  every  moment  jeweled  with  a  joy,  will,  at  its  close,  become  a 
tragedy,  as  sad,  and  deep,  and  dark  as  can  be  woven  of  the  warp  and 
woot  of  mystery  and  death.  This  brave  and  tender  man  in  every  storm 
of  life  was  oak  and  rock,  but  in  the  sunshine  he  was  vine  and  fiower. 
He  was  the  friend  of  all  heroic  souls.  He  climbed  the  heights  and  left 
all  superstitions  far  below^  while  on  his  forehead  fell  the  golden  dawning 
of  a  grander  day.  He  loved  the  beautiful  and  w^as  with  color,  form 
and  music  touched  to  tears.  He  sided  with  the  weak,  and  with  a  willing 
hand  gave  alms  ;  with  loyal  heart  and  with  the  purest  hand  he  faith- 
fully discharged  all  public  trusts.  He  was  a  worshipper  of  liberty  and 
a  friend  of  the  oppressed.  A  thousand  times  I  have  heard  him  quote 
the  words  :  "For  justice  all  place  a  temple  and  all  season  summer." 
He  believed  that  happiness  \vas  the  only  good,  reason  the  only  torch, 
justice  the  only  worsiiipper,  humanity  the  only  religion,  and  love  tlie 
priest. 

He  added  to  the  sum  of  human  joy,  and  were  every  one  for  whom 
he  did  some  loving  service  to  bring  a  blosscmi  to  his  grave  he  would 
sleep  to-night  beneath  a  Avilderness  of  flowers.  Life  is  a  niirrow  vale 
between  the  cold  and  barren  peaks  of  two  eternities.  We  strive  in  vain 
to  look  beyond  the  heights.  We  cry  aloud,  and  the  only  answer  is  tlic 
echo  of  our  wailing  cry.  From  the  v(ncele.ss  lips  of  the  unrei)lying 
dead  there  comes  no  word;  but  in  the  night  of  death  hope  sees  a  star 
and  listening  love  can  hear  the  rustle  of  a  wing.  He  who  sleeps  here, 
when  dyincr,  mistaking  the  approach  of  death  for  the  return  of  health, 
whispered  with  his  lat^^st  breath,  "  I  am  better  now."  Let  us  l)elieve, 
in  spite  of  doubts  and  dogmas  and  tears  and  fears  that  these  dear  words 
are  true  of  all  the  countless  dead.  And  now.  to  you  who  have  been 
chosen  from  among  the  many  men  he  loved  to  do  the  last  sad  office  for 
the  dead,  we  give  his  sacred  dust.  Speech  can  not  contain  our  love. 
There  was— there  is— no  gentler,  stronger,  manlier  man. 


POPULAR  BOOKS  PDBLISHED  BY  RHODES  &  McCLURE, 

CIIICAG-O. 
TWENTIETH  THOUSAND. 

MISTAKES  of  INGERSOLL 

(No.   1,) 
AS    SHOWN    BY 

Prof.   Swing;   W.  H.   Ryder,   D.D.;   Brooke  Herford,   D.D.;    J. 
Monro  Gibson,  D.D.;  Rabbi  Wise,  and  Others, 

Including  also  Mr.  IngersoWs  Lecture,  entitled 

"THE  MISTAKES  OF  MOSES." 


8vo.,  128  Pages.       Edited  by. J.  B.  McCLURE. 

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and  comments  is  commendable." — Chicago  Evening  Journal. 

"An  interesting  book  ;  it  is  not  often  th^t  a  public  character  like  this  famous  lecturer 
is  subjected  to  criiicism,  which  is  at  once  so  fair  and  so  acute,  so  civil  in  manner,  and  yet 
so  iust,  as  in  these  instances." — Advance. 

Ingersoll's  Answers 

TO 

Prof.  Swing;     W.  H.  Ryder,  D.D. ;     Dr.  Thomas;     Dr.  Collyer; 
Brooke  Herford,  D.D.;  Dr.  Koehler;  aud 

INGERSOLL'S  LECTURE  ON  "SKULLS" 

INCLUDING  ALSO 

MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOLL 

(No.  S.) 

AS  SHOWN  BY 

Bishop  Cheney;    Chaplain  McCabe;    Rev.  W.  F.  Crafts;    Robert 

Collyer,  D.D. ;    Arthur  Swazey,  D.D. ;    Fred. 

Perry  Powers,  aud  others. 

8vo  ,  150  Pages.        Edited  by  J.  B.  McClure,        Price  in  Paper  Cover.  35  Cents. 

Sent  by  mail,  post  paid,  on  receipt  of  pi  ice,  by  'be.  publishers. 


"  MISTAKES  OF  IXGEKSOLL," 

'  INGEESOLL'S  ANSWERS." 

8  vo.,  270  pages.  Including  full  contents  of  No.  i  and  No.  2  (two  volumes  in  one), 
bound  in  cloth  ;  fine,  Prjce,  $1.00.  Sent  by  mail,  post  paid,  on  receipt  of  price,  by  the 
j)ublishers. 

RHODES  &  McCLURE.  Publishers, 
1879.  Methodist  Church  Block,  Chicago. 


POPULAR  BOOKS  PUBLISHED  BY  RHODES  &  M^CLURE 

TENTH    THOUSAND. 

"Edison  and  his  Inventions; 

S  vo,,  178  pages.    Illustrated, 


Edited  by  J.  B.  McCLUKE. 


Price  in  Cloth,  fine,  $1.00,  Paper  CoTers,  50  els. 


This  book  contains  the  many  interesting  incidents,  and  all  ihe  fe5<4ca- 
tial  facts,  connected  with  the  life  of  the  great  inventor,  together  »vith  a  lull 
explanation  of  his  principal  inventions,  including  the  phonograph,  tele- 
phone, and  electric  light,  which  are  explained  by  the  aid  of  diagrams. 


OPINIONS  OF  THE  PHESS. 

"Edison  and  His  Inventions''  is  one  of  tne  latest  and  most  entortainin?  books 
that  has  been  laid  in  our  table.  A  glance  at  the  title-page  assures  us  that  the  book 
cannot  fail  to  be  interesting  when  we  -ee  that  it  has  been  comi'iled  by  Mr.  J.  B. 
McClure,  of  the  well  known  firm  of  Rliodes  ct  McClure.  Mr.  McClure  has  spent 
months  in  correspondence  with  parties  who  were  acquainted  with  Edison  in  hi.s 
box  hood  days,  and  al>o  wiih  the  parents  of  the  great  inventor,  who  have  fur- 
nished numerous  amusing  anecdotes  which  have  not  as  yet  hei-n  ma  :e  public. 
The  tasimeter.  phonograph,  telephone,  and  all  his  inventions,  are  illu^traied,  and 
the  details  explained  in  such  a  manner  that  they  can  be  understood  by  every 
one. — The  Interior. 

"  If  Mr  Edison's  head  is  not  turned  by  his  numerous  successes  in  wonderful 
discovery  and  invention,  he  must  have  a  level  head.  Just  as  the  announcement 
arrives  that  the  electric  light  is  to  be  tested  in  the  Capitol  at  ^\ashlllgton  a  book 
is  laid  on  our  table,  entitled  "Edison  and  his  Inventions.'  which,  as  the  tide 
implies,  relates  to  the  man  as  well  as  his  work.  It  gives  many  interesting  anec- 
dotes of  this  odd  genius,  with  full  explanations  of  the  telephone,  phonogripn, 
tasimiter  and  last,  and  per  .aps  most  important  of  all,  the  results  ot  his  electric 
light  iriumph.  Numerous  cuts  make  it  ■  ompar  lively  easy  for  even  the  unscien- 
titic  to  understand  the  descriptive  parts  ."—Editorial  in  the  Advance. 

"This  volume  of  Mr.  McOlure's  is  one  that  will  interest  every  reader  It  is  a 
irraphic  sketch  of  the  incidents,  anecdotes,  and  inte'cstiiig  particulars  of  his  life. 
He  L'ives  a  clear  and  concise  explanation  of  tiie  tel.'plione,  phonngraph.  and 
many  others  of  the  leading  discoveries.  The  volume  has  many  ilhi.strations. 
Not  onlv  those  older  will  read  it  with  interest,  but  it  is  a  book  ml  ot  yuluable 
in.struction  to  the  young,  for  its  facts  and  for  its  suggesti\;e  thoughts.  -The  Imter- 
Ocean. 

"  There  can  be  no  doubt  that  Edison  is  a  remarkable  man.  He  has  already 
accomplished  more  in  the  way  of  invemi-m  than  any  man  UM..n  record,  at  so 
early  an  age-thirty-two.  His  career  has  been  full  of  adventure  of  a  certain 
kind,  and  the  story  of  it  is  exeecdingly  interesting.  Mr.  MrClure  h.is  guthen"^. 
his  material  with  great  industry,  and  so  used  it  as  to  make  a  very  r.adable  book. 
An  excellent  idea  is  given  bolii  of  the  man  and  ot  his  work.  —The  standard. 

Mr  McClun- h'ls  done  a  good  thing  in  bringing  together  so  much  anthentic 
niation  that  relates  to  the  man  and  his  work.      It  is  the  story  of  the  pa^^^^^^ 
jtion  of  i;en 
personality  to  gi\ 

"Presents  in  _.-  ^  ^,    .    .        ,  ,        * 

inventor  of  the  present  iima."— Northwestern  Christian  Advocate. 

Sent  by  mail,  post  paid,  on  receipt  of  prie<-  b;i  the  Publiuhers. 
Liberal  discount  to  the  Trade. 


i^vohTtioVrof  I'emihm  taie^it."its"dVscourag"ements  and  triuinpl.s,  with  en. .ugh  of 
.ersonality  to  give  additional  zest  to  the  narrative"— c7i«-a.cro  Lvcning  Journal. 

Presents  in  an  interesting  manner  the  account  of  the  life  of  the    greatest 


AND  HIS  INVENTIONS. 


171 


Edison's  Electric  Light. 


Jj^ntertaining   ^necdotes. 

INCLUDING 

Anecdotes  of  Noted  Persons,  Amusing  Stories,  Animal 
Stories,  Love  Stories,  Falling  Leaves. 

FROM  EVERY  AVAILABLE  SOURCE. 

"  THAT   REMINDS   ME   OF  A   STORY." 

Edited  by  J.  B.  McCLURE. 

H  vo.  25B  pages— Handsomely  Illustrated.  Price,  in  cloth,  fine,  $1.00 
Paper  cover,  50  cents.     Sent  by  mail  post-paid  on  receipt  of  price 

RHODES  <&  McCLURE,  ruhlishers, 

METHODIST  CHURCH  BLOCK.  CHICAGO 

Daniel  Webster  and  the  Farmer. 

(From  "Entertaining    Anecdotes.'") 

Webster  was  out  one  day  on  the  Marshes  near  Marsh  field,  busily  shooting 
birds.  It  was  a  hot  afternoon  in  August.  The  farmers  were  getting  their 
salt  hay  on  the  marshes: 

He  came,  in  the  course  of  his  rambles,  to  the  Green  Harbor  River,  which 
he  wished  to  cross.  He  beckoned  to  one  of  the  men  on  the  opposite  bank  to 
take  him  over  in  his  boat,  which  lay  moored  in  sight.  1  he  man  at  once  lelt 
his  work  came  over,  and  paddled  Mr.  Webster  across  the  stream.  He  de- 
clined the  payment  offered  him,  but  lingered  a  moment,  with  Yankee  curios- 
ity, to  question  the  stranger.  He  surmised  who  Mr.  Webster  was,  and  with 
some  hesitation  remarked  : 

'♦This  is  Daniel  Webster,  I  believe," 

"That  is  my  name,"  replied  the  sportsman. 

"Well,  now,"  said  the  farmer,  "I  am  told  you  can  make  from  three  to 
five  dollars  a  day,  pleading  cases  up  in  Boston." 

Mr.  Webster  replied  that  he  was  sometimes  so  fortunate  as  to  receive  tliat 
amount  for  his  services. 

"Well,  now,"  returned  the  rustic,  "it  seems  to  me,  I  declare,  if  I  could  get 
as  much  in  the  city  pleadin'  law-cases,  I  would  not  be  a-wadin'  oyer  these 
marshes  this  hot  weather,  shootin'  little  birds." 


l:^IFTI23TII    TUOtrSAlT^- 


MOOBT'S  lIlCBOflS 

AMD 

Compiled  by  REV.  J.  B.  McCLURE,  Chicago. 

Comprising  all  of  Mr.  Moody's  Anecdotes  and  Illustrations  used  by  him  in  hi? 
revival  work  in  Europe  and  America,  including  his  recent  work  in  J^>oston, 
Also,  Engravings  of  Messrs.  Moody,  Sankey,  Whittle  and  Bliss. 
'  Moody's  Church,  Chicago  Tabernacle,  Farwell  Hall,  etc. 


OPINIONS  OF  THE  PRESS  AND  EMINENT  DIVINES : 

"  The  wonderful  sale  of  '  Moody's  Anecdotes,'  compiled  by  the  Rev.  J.  B.  McClu^y 
of  Chicago,  is  the  best  evidence  of  the  ^reat  value  of  this  popular  book.  Thirty-fuar 
thousand  copies  have  already  been  issued,  reaching  the  seventh  edition  in  thr^^e 
months.  This  is,  perhaps,  unparalleled  in  the  historv  of  Western  literature ;  at  leu.^t 
we  Icnow  of  no  library  book  that  has  met  with  so  large  a  sale  in  so  short  a  time.  It 
bids  fair  to  sell  right  along,  until  everybody  is  supplied  with  a  co-pj,"— St.  Louis  EvangeluL 

"  'Moody's  Anecdotes'  is  a  handsome  and  handy  volume,  which  many  will  prize 
as  highlv  characteristic  of  the  great  Evangelist.  Throughout  its  two  hundred  pages  the 
truth  is  keenly  applied  by  the  aids  of  wit  and  a  peculiarly  vivid  and  pictorial  pathos." 
—New  York  Evangelist. 

"  The  book  is  handsomely  printed  and  well  compiled  as  to  matter.  It  contains  ihe 
pith  of  Moody's  theology^  methods  and  eloquence,  and  consists  of  a  selection  of  the 
great  preacher's  best  stories,  drawn  from  his  personal  experience.  It  is  a  good  insight 
into  the  workings  and  teachings  of  the  great  Evangelist  and  Christian  Preachei  ^- 
New  Orleans  Daily  Democrat. 

"The  incidents  are  related  in  character— it  is  Mr.  Moody  that  speaks.  They  are 
short,  pointed,  peculiarly  apt,  as  are  all  the  illustrations  of  the  Evangelist  Thev  form 
the  arrows  of  the  great  marksman,  and  have  done  much  of  the  execution  of  h'is  ser- 
mons."—Zion's  Herald  (Boston). 

"A  book  of  anecdotes  which  have  thrilled  hundreds  of  thousands.  During 
the  last  three  months  thirty-four  thousand  copies  have  been  issued.  Mr.  McClure  has 
done  a  good  work  in  preparing  this  volume,  which  we  commend  to  ministers,  Sabbath- 
school  workers  and  p&Tents."— Presbyterian  Banner  (Pittsburg). 

"  It  comprises  the  most  striking  stories,  told  in  Mr.  Moody's  well-known  concise  and 
graphic  style,  and  arranged  in  alphabetical  order,  according  to  the  theme  illustriUed  or 
set  forth  in  the  anecdote.  The  book  has  been  compiled  by  Rev.  J.  B.  McClure,  whose 
6cholar.-hip  and  journalistic  experience  perfectly  fit  him  to  do  the  work  discrim- 
inatingly and  well."— iV.  W.  Christian  Advocate  (Methodist). 

"The  book  is  handsomely  printed,  the  matter  is  well  classified,  and  will  form  an 
uncommonly  interesting  book.  A  capital  book  for  the  Sunday-school."— ^cZra?ice  (Con- 
gregational). 

iii'x-^^"^^^^  *^®  P^*^  °^  Moody's  theology,  methods  and  eloquence,  all  in  one,  and 
will  be  found  agreeable  for  home  reading  and  useful  to  the  Sunday-school  teacher  and 
minister."— interior  (Presbyterian) 

"Excellent  reading,  and  by  their  brevity  and  point  will  be  found  especially  good 
for  that  occasional  and,  perhaps,  hasty  reading,  which  is  all  that  many  persons  can 
hope  to  find  opportunity  for. "Standard  (Baptist), 

"It  is  an  attractive  volume,  including  all  the  really  Interesting  matter  of  Mr. 
Moody  s  discourses.  A  very  valuable  publication ;  is  selling  rapidly."- CVitca.(70  Evening 
Journal 

Price  in  Cloth,  Fine,  $1.00.     Paper  Cover,  50  cts. 

RHODES  &  McCLURE,  Publishers,  Chicago. 


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